My New Best Friend
by Zosie aka Kizmet The Khaleesi
Summary: Edward, Jasper and Emmett hit on a plan to get free rent on an apartment in college, two of them just have to appear to be a gay couple. And Bella Swan adores her new best friend, the so called gay Edward Cullen. Lemons E&B No slash, but inferred . M
1. Chapter 1

**Here's another orphan chapter I wasn't sure if anyone would like. Please review and I will come back to it when one of my other stories ends, if enough people review that they want more. Cheers. I don't own Twilight.**

My New Best Friend

Chapter 1

Sharing and Caring

EPOV

"Think about it Edward. Mom and Dad give us our allowances, our rent money, our food money, and if we get this place rent free, think of how much beer money we will have. We haven't seen another place nearly this nice and its free. We would be insane to pay $250 a week each for a crappy little apartment when we can live in this complex rent free."

"Emmett, did you read the terms and conditions? This apartment is available for a gay couple? We are brothers, we are straight. That kind of means we don't qualify...you get it, NOT gay. Not a couple?See the problem?"

"Yeah but if we bring Jasper in with us, you two can be the couple and I can be the support system, the bodyguard protecting my sweet little gay brother and his boyfriend from all those nasty bullies on campus and we all get to live here rent free. Beer money, Edward. Think about it. Or in your case, money for books and a new laptop and I dunno, matching bra and pantie sets, I always thought you were half gay anyway. You can carry this off."

"Gee thanks, bro. I am not gay, I am a virgin. There is a difference. I do like girls, I just don't see the need to be spreading my seed from one end of the country to the other, unlike you."

"Virgin, gay, what's the difference? And for all you know, you may be a gay, you just don't know it yet so it's not really lying. If you have never had pussy, how do you know you wouldn't prefer a mangina?"

"Emmett, please!"

"What, little bro? Getting all hot over a mangina? Getting the urge to go try a little manlove to see which you prefer?"

"No, starting to feel the urge to cut out your tongue."

"C'mon, Edward. Say you will do it. One term. Then we will have enough to get our own place in a way better part of town and have all the ladies want come see our designer bed linen."

"Who is the supposed gay again? Designer bed linen?"

"Just because I prefer quality sheets and towels, doesn't mean a thing, bro. A man can co-ordinate and like the softer things in life without being a batter for the other side."

"Emm, just thinking about your theory, if I need to 'get some pussy' to see if I like it, don't you need to 'get some manlove' to compare and be sure it's not what you really want?"

"Ew, Eddie, that's just nasty. C'mon, sign the lease, let's go get Jaz."

"Emmett, if I agree to this, we have to bank half of every dollar Mom and Dad give us, understand? We have to build up our fund and actually have a goal and we will be getting a proper place when next term starts. Right?"

"Yeah, bro, sure. Jasper is calling, hang on."

"What's up, bro? Yeah, the apartment is sweet and Eddie is in! We will pick you up in ten. You got your gear? Great. See ya."

"Stop calling Jasper bro. I don't want anyone thinking I am my brother's partner."

"Loosen up, Eddie, you are way too uptight, man. He is my bro-in-law, right, if you two are getting together. Come on, let's go get him. Grab the lease."

We collected Jasper Whitlock and he seemed perfectly happy being my 'partner' if it meant more drinking money and he could shake off his ex girlfriend/stalker, Maria, who was driving him batty. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that none of this was going to work out well. I am here at college to work and study and achieve my goals, not sleep around and try to do every girl one sorority house at a time. That's more Emmett's speed. Jasper is more the monogamous type, one girlfriend at a time, and his last few relationships have ended badly, so he is keen for a break and it doesn't bother him that we will be labelled a gay couple. I guess I don't care either, seeing it has always been my intention to save myself for my future wife and not cat around. This could be the answer. At high school I had every girl lusting after me and my good looks and it just got tiring. I ended up sitting alone in every class, glaring and growling at the many females with over eager hands trying to be a bit too familiar with me and my body.

Maybe this would work out okay after all.

x x x x x x x

"So, Bella, whatcha doing? Can we go get us some beer?" whined Rosalie Hale, staring at her own reflection in the spotless windows surrounding the lobby.

"I told you, I have to man the desk until the new residents on the top floor get here. Then we can go."

"The token gay couple? How freaking typical, this university is giving two gays a free apartment just so they can tick another box in the politically correct treatment of minorities, and I swear if gays are a minority, how come every man I have dated lately has been a shirt lifter?"

"Rose, you dated one gay man, you need to get over it."

Rose arriving home early and catching her boyfriend Royce having a little bit of fun with the group of fellow football players in her bed seemed to have scarred her for life. I don't think she even likes Royce, but I suppose just knowing you almost slept with a gay man is a big deal, especially if you are Rosalie Hale, most attractive woman in college.

"Bella, I had to burn the linen. Do you know how much I spent on those sheets? And the quilt. I swear, I should have killed the lot of them just for that reason alone. And yes, thanks for asking, my new mattress arrived safe and sound. I donated the old one to the homeless shelter. Maybe they have a special room for homeless homosexuals."

"Rose, behave yourself now. Shit, this had better not be .."

I glanced at the lease

"Edward Cullen and Jasper Whitlock or I will shoot myself."

Two stunning men walked up to the desk and I stood there, mouth open, heart pounding, ladies bits all aflutter.

"Hi, we are Edward Cullen and Jasper Whitlock" said the taller, more stunning one.

Fuck.

The universe hates me.

"Welcome. Here are your keys, we lock up for the night at 2am so you need to be in by then,um, in bed, or, in the apartment I mean, um, yes, home by then. Okay?" I stuttered and babbled, turning all shades of red.

"Thank you. We saw the apartment today, we know our way around."

Rose was absolutely glaring at them both.

"Um, my brother, Emmett..is it okay if he sleeps in the spare bedroom? He is kind of our bouncer, keeps the crazies away."

A third tall, delicious hunk walked into the lobby, carrying several suitcases effortlessly, his bulging muscles were even bigger and better than Jake's and that said something.

"You are not gay" Rose stated to this tall, muscled man with black curly hair.

"No, indeed I am not. Thank God." he grinned and his dimples showed appealingly on his cheeks.

"Good" she stated and turned to sit down and let Alice continue the manicure she had begun earlier.

I watched all three men walk into the elevator and the doors shut with a gentle ping.

"Fuck me" I breathed out quietly.

"Oh, those two won't be fucking you, Bella, they will only be fucking each other" Rose commented.

"They are not gay" stated Alice.

"What do you mean? Do you know them?" I asked her.

"No, but I know gay when I see it and neither of those guys is gay. Trust me, I know these things."

"Alice, they would be in all kinds of shit if they are lying about being a gay couple. You had better be wrong."

"Never bet against me, Bella. They are as straight as I am. As straight as the big guy, and what's more, I will bet you $50 Rose has the brother in her bed before the dance."

"Next week? That would be quick even for Rose." I answered.

"I am here you know. And don't take the bet , Bella, you will lose. That Emmett will be warming my toes before this weekend is over." Rose informed me, filing her nails herself seeing Alice was looking for the red nail polish in her overfull bag of make up that sat on the chair beside her.

"Can we go?" asked Rose, impatiently.

"What, are you not starting your campaign to grab the brother tonight?" I asked.

"No, one last night just to be sure he is the best thing on offer, then tomorrow I will hone in for the kill if I don't find anything tonight."

Alice finished her own nails and Rose took the bottle of polish and had her nails covered perfectly in ten seconds flat. She blew on them softly and smiled.

"I've got a feeling..."

"that tonight's gonna be a good night?' finished Alice, with a grin.

x x x x x x x

The dancefloor was jumping, everyone made an effort to get down and party hard before the new term started and we had work to do.

Jake was flat out behind the bar, trying to catch up with the constant flow of orders.

Seth and Paul were both pulling pints and the new bartender had not turned up yet.

"Need a hand, Jake? I can do a couple of hours if you want?" I asked my boyfriend.

"Thanks, Bells, that would save my life. Come around."

I quickly lifted the flap and walked behind the bar and took the first orders. The noise made it hard to hear but thirsty drinkers always get their order heard, and most college students stick to beer or shots so there were few fancy drinks being made here tonight.

"Where's the new guy?" I asked Jake, first time things slowed enough for us to leave it to Paul and Seth.

"He is moving in tonight so I told him to just stop by and learn the ropes and start his first shift tomorrow."

"Cool. Did Billy ring you about the funeral yet?"

"Yeah. Harry gets buried Thursday. You going back for it?"

"I think so, if I can get someone to cover my shift on the desk. I really think Charlie would appreciate me going. You driving us or what?"

"Yes, I will drive. I was going to take the bike if you weren't coming too."

"We can go on the bike."

"Bells, two hours on the back of my bike in this frigid weather? I don't think so. I will take the rabbit."

"Fine. I will probably stay over Wednesday night if that makes it easier."

He pulled me backwards so my back rested against his iron hard chest.

"No, you staying over will make certain things harder" he said as he nuzzled my neck. I put my hands into his long, black hair and pulled his face to my lips as I twisted around to face him.

"I like it when certain things get hard." I whispered in his ear.

"I know you do." he answered, kissing me lightly.

"Excuse me" a velvety voice I had heard before spoke up.

Jake laughingly pushed me aside and slapped my bum.

"Yes, man. What can I do for you?"

"I am Edward Cullen, new bar tender here nights. Are you Jacob Black? I was told to come and get acquainted."

"Hi, Edward. I am Jake. Come on around." said Jake,opening the flap.

Edward Cullen walked in and I looked him over and rolled my eyes. What a fucking waste.

From his messy copper hair to his large feet, and you know what they say about large feet, the man was a bloody Greek God. Zeus, probably, I guess that makes Jasper Whitlock his Ganymede.

"Jake, I am going to take the girls their drinks seeing things have quietened down and you have Edward here to help out now."

"Edward, this is Bella Swan" said Jake, grinning at me. I know he thought I was checking Edward out but I was merely lamenting the loss of this prize piece of manmeat to the other side.

"Yeah, we met earlier" I said and grabbed the tray of shots and beer.

Edward opened the flap and I smiled my thanks and made my way to the booth at the front where the girls were laughing uproariously at some tall, blond guy.

Oh, Ganymede himself.

"Bella, Jasper is so funny. You have to listen to his story about the first time Edward played football. He and Emmett are both going to be on the school team." Alice was jumping about excitedly in her seat, her eyes darting back to Jasper's face.

Shit, it looks like Edward will be one of Royce's close friends, then.

I sighed again. What a freaking waste.

Edward looked too slim and artistic to be getting himself knocked about by the giants on the football team.

I shook myself. Don't get all protective of the new gay guy, Bella, I warned myself, and took a shot off the tray, tossing it down my throat. I watched Rose and Emmett trade insults and knew she was not going to even wait until the weekend. This was going to be a done deal later tonight.

Jake finally got his break and he pulled me onto the dancefloor. I ground up against him and he nuzzled my neck. His arms are so huge, I feel like I am being surrounded by a pair of tree trunks.

I love the feeling of being safe and protected, and having a boyfriend this built certainly achieves that.

I glanced over at the bar and Edward Cullen was standing there, drying glasses with a dishtowel, watching us. I smiled at him and he grinned the most heartstopping crooked smile at me and I felt myself dampen.

Shit, now the gays are doing it for me.

I moved in closer to Jake and lost myself in his embrace as he swayed my body in time with his.

It had been a busy day and I just wanted to go to bed. Mine, Jake's it didn't matter. His was closer and I suddenly realized, Rose will no doubt be bringing Emmett the Bear back so I don't want to be hearing that.

Jake kissed my hand and led me back to the booth and I slid in beside Alice, who was talking non stop to Jasper. I frowned, he looked...captivated.. with her. So strange. Shouldn't he be keeping his eyes on his boyfriend? It was Edward's first shift. You would think his own boyfriend would be watching out to see how he handled it.

Jake whispered in my ear he would see me later and I kissed him quickly and kept watching this strange connection bouncing between Jasper and Alice.

I felt sorry for Edward, I don't think Jasper is nearly as committed to their relationship as he should be.

Alice dragged Jasper onto the dancefloor but she kept a respectable distance from him and I watched them gaze into each other's eyes. This was wrong. I stood up, resolved someone had to run interference.

"Alice' I growled as I pulled her aside."He is taken. You would not be doing this with any boyfriend of a girl, so don't be so disrespectful to Edward." I hissed.

"Bella, Jasper is as bent as I am. There is no way he is with Edward. He has a hard-on" she whispered."I gave that to him. He is not thinking about Edward at this moment in time."

"Maybe he is. Stop it, Alice, this is not like you. You are not a homewrecker."

The bar was packed and the patrons were shouting their orders impatiently.

I turned and went back to help Jake again and I hoped Edward could not see how Jasper was behaving. Clearly Jasper was bisexual, he was enraptured by Alice, there was no denying it. I wondered if Alice would end up in some weird triangle, or even threesome situation.

Edward didn't seem to be upset at all and in between the crowds, I showed him the storeroom and where everything was kept. He shut the door behind us after we walked in.

"Thanks for this" he said, smiling at me. I felt really happy to be so at ease with him because I always feared I may be a closet gay hater, but he was just like any other man, only nicer and more polite.

"How often do you work here?' he asked.

"I do shifts four nights a week usually, this is not one of my regular nights. I work behind the desk the other three nights."

"That doesn't give you and Jake much time together." he commented.

"Oh, we spend a few nights together after we finish here. And he is in many of my classes, I see him a lot.' I assured Edward."How are you and Jasper settling in?"

"Fine. It's a nice apartment. The bedrooms are huge and all that closet space. I don't own a heap of clothes but there is room for a small country to live in that closet."

Speaking of coming out of the closet.

"Can I ask you something personal, Edward. It's none of my business but a friend of mine is acting kind of stupidly and I need to know if I should stop her now."

"Go ahead" he said warily.

"Is Jasper bi? He is out there dancing and flirting with my friend Alice and she is convinced he is into her in a big way. Do you share? Should I make her back off?"

"Um, gee, we haven't really discussed this. I guess, I mean, it's okay if your friend wants to spend time with Jasper."

"You two are not exclusive?" I asked in surprise.

"Um, I am, he isn't." he answered.

"Edward, does that work okay for you? I mean, you two are hardly a couple if you let him sleep around, with girls even."

"It's complicated, Bella. I am fine with whatever Jasper and Alice want to do. I would never stand in his way of happiness."

"What, he can't be happy with just you?"

"Um, no, I don't think he can. Don't worry about it, Bella,.Things will work out as they are meant to."

"God, Edward, you have such a caring nature. You really want Jasper to be happy, don't you? Even if it means he isn't with you in the end. I warn you, Alice will not be happy sharing for long and then she will make him choose. You should be aware of that."

"Thanks, Bella. We are sort of thinking we may be over by the end of term, anyway."

"Really? that's so sad. You two look great together." I told him, sincerely.

I yawned and covered my mouth.

"I am so tired. I think I will go home tonight, I will just say goodnight to Jake." I stood and went to open the door.

"I could walk you home. I have done all Jake wanted me to, tonight."

"Thanks, Edward. Jake gets nervous about me walking home alone, I don't know why. Nothing has ever happened to me."

"Better safe than sorry, Bella."

I kissed Jake goodnight and told him I would see him in class. He baulked a little when I said Edward would be walking me home.

"Jake" I hissed and spoke close to his ear so nobody else overheard Edward's business.

"Edward is gay. He and his partner have the top floor in our building. The PC free rental?"

Jake grinned at this news and turned and thanked Edward for walking me home.

We stopped to tell the others we were leaving.

Jasper looked at Edward and I knew what was coming. I felt really humiliated for Edward but he seemed fine.

"Edward, Alice is thinking of spending the night in our place"

Your bed, I thought.

"Bella, Edward can sleep in our room, right? You are okay with that?"Alice added.

I drew in a breath. I had never shared a room with a guy, other than Jacob.

Edward is gay, I reminded myself. It will be like sharing with a girl.

"Sure" I said hurriedly. I didn't want Edward to think he wasn't wanted anywhere at all tonight.

"It will be fun."

If he tries braiding my hair, I will scream.

"Rose is sleeping in Emmett's bed, so I suppose Edward could have her room." suggested Alice, hesitantly.

We both shook our heads at the same time.

"No, our room is fine" I promised and we walked out into the cold night air, away from the noise and bustle.

"No offence but Jasper better use condoms with Alice" I said to Edward. "I mean, it's not the gay thing so much as, have you guys had a lot of partners?" I asked.

"Jasper has been with a few girls" Edward confirmed.

"No other guys?" I asked.

"Um, no." he said.

"Any you?"

"I haven't been with any girls ever and no..other..guys." he said.

"I feel sorry for you. I can't help it. Jasper sleeps around with girls yet keeps you faithfully waiting for him at home. That doesn't seem right or fair. Maybe you should look for someone more loyal." I suggested.

"Jasper and I have been friends since we were toddlers." he said, as if that explained everything.

"Still, Edward, doesn't monogamy mean anything to you guys?"

"It means everything to me, Bella." he admitted quietly.

I stopped talking. I had just met these guys, if this set up works for them, maybe I should stay out of it. But I really liked Edward and hated him getting hurt, not to mention Alice. She will be planning her wedding in a week and there will be no room for the Best man in her home.

How would that work? I wondered. Would Jasper ever give up Edward? I just can't see Alice being happy sharing.

I unlocked the front entrance and we walked into the elevator.

"We are on the floor below you guys" I told Edward, hitting the number 9 on the panel.

"The views are great from our place" said Edward. He was so calm and accepting, it was clear Jasper did this often and he just went along with it.

I made us coffee and we sat together on the sofa.

"Tell me about you and Jake..is it serious?" he asked.

"Good question." I replied. "If you asked Jake, he would tell you we will be married the day college is finished and have the required 2 children within two years after."

"But you don't want that?"

"I don't know what I want, to be honest. I want a career, I want to travel. I don't want to spend four years studying here then become a stay at home mother. I want to use my degree and have some fun before we have kids. If we have kids."

"You don't want kids?"

"I think I do. It just doesn't mean as much to me as it does to Jake. He wants the whole happy ever after and I do too, I just feel there is something lacking in me. I don't feel all impatient and excited at the whole thought of getting married and being pregnant."

I blushed at having admitted this to him. I haven't even tried to explain it to Jake, he just assumes I want what he wants.

"I don't know why I told you that. I haven't really talked to Jake about our future properly. I guess it's easier to tell a stranger who has nothing invested in what we do." I said.

Edward smiled but didn't look very happy.

"Sorry, sorry" I said."Are you and Jasper going to have kids? Like, get a surrogate or something?"I asked.

"I would only want to have kids if my life partner wanted to be with only me and wanted them as well." he answered.

"Fair enough." I said.

I showed Edward where the bathroom was and he came back out stripped down to his boxers.

I was in the middle of taking my top off and I paused, then realized Edward was not going to care if he saw me naked.

I undid my bra and tossed it on the floor and stepped out of my jeans, kicking them to one side.

"I can't stand sleeping in a thong" I said, slipping the pink fabric down my legs.

I grabbed an old T shirt of Jake's and threw it on over my head, and walked to my bed. It was a king size and Alice's just had the twin, seeing she rarely brought anyone back and Jake spent a lot of nights here if Alice was on a 'sleepover'.

I opened the covers and smoothed the clean sheets.

"I changed them this morning so don't get weirded out about sleeping where Jake sleeps." I said, patting the side of my bed.

What the hell, it was like sharing with a girl, right?

Maybe we will talk about our men as we fall asleep.

Edward stood there frowning then walked slowly and sat on the side of my bed.

"I know, it must seem freaky for you, getting into bed with a girl" I sympathized.

"We girls do it all the time. Just think of me as your buddy, your new girlfriend..Girl friend."

Edward grinned and climbed in.

"Can I give you a hug?" he asked.

Poor guy was clearly missing Jasper.

"Of course you can" I said, laying with my back to him and sliding close to his body so he spooned around me. I imagine this is how they lie together to sleep.

I leaned back and kissed his cheek.

He smelled delicious and I grinned at him as he closed his arms around me, pulling me in close.

"Good night Edward"

"Good night Bella."

.


	2. Chapter 2

My New Best Friend

Chapter 2

Edward's Side of The Bed

Meeting Bella Swan has thrown me for a loop. I have,of necessity, met many girls and women in my life and I find some slightly amusing, some scary, some repetitious and boring, many overeager and intimidating, but she is completely different in every way.

I want to crawl inside her head and read her every thought.

I think I know where she is coming from and she throws me a curve ball. At the moment, her main feelings toward me seem to be a deep pity because of my 'partner's' careless treatment of me, and a complete acceptance of me as her new best friend.

This is wonderful, of course, to be welcomed in to her life so completely and innocently, and to be the confidante she needs, flatters me more than I can say.

But there is a downside, as there is with every interaction between people. She thinks nothing of stripping naked in front of me and it is causing me a few problems. Well, the same problem repeated many times each day and I am spending so much time in the shower, she must think I am OCD.

Relieving my problem in complete silence is also a problem but I can hardly call out her name as she inspires me to orgasm, when I am 'gay 'and should be picturing Jasper in my head. If I do picture Jasper, believe me, it saves me needing a shower, so I suppose I must admit, I think of him almost as much as her, otherwise I would destroy the planet with my water usage.

Watching her dancing with Jacob Black was my first real indication that something was starting to happen. I was merely drying glasses and by chance, I looked at her as she looked at me, and I felt something..foreign and wonderful flow between us.

I smiled at her without thought and I realized I was not even seeing Jake with her, I saw only her gorgeous sexy body as she swayed and danced, and I was shocked when he kissed her as I hadn't actually allowed his presence to enter my conscious thoughts.

Its like she is the central character in a stage play and everyone else are merely the shadowy background figures, used to flesh out the production but she is in glorious technicolor and the others are in plain black and white.

I was uncertain how to answer when she asked about the status of my relationship with Jaz, and it seemed only fair to allow him to be bisexual so he could carry on with her friend, Alice. This naturally, makes me the downtrodden doormat who sits and waits while his partner has all the fun but what else can I say? Nobody is ever going to believe Jaz is a faithful partner to me and I expect he is going to pull the gay card if Alice gets too needy. She may be allowed to try and save him from gaydom, but he has no interest in a new permanent girlfriend so I guess Alice will be the other woman and I am the clueless wife.

Things were fine until Bella stripped her clothes off in her bedroom. I froze and thought of Emmett, naked and sittng on our sofa, inhaling potato crisps and scratching himself.

That did it, Thank God.

By then she had thrown a large Tshirt on so I could breath again then she opened her bed and invited me in.

The lure of touching her body was too much and I slid in beside her and even asked her for a hug, which she gave willingly and we spooned together all night. I kept waking up, checking this was real and happening.

This is the first time I ever spent the night with a woman and I want to experience it and remember every detail. My only experience with women's bodies has been hugging my Mom and close friends, of which I have a few, and those momentary times when our bodies have touched have meant little. I barely had time to appreciate the differences between the male and female torso. With Bella, every single difference is engraved on my brain.

If I had to sum her up in one word, it would be 'soft'. I have never felt a human being so soft. Her body is so different to mine. My muscles and abs are hard as a rock, and little covers them, just hard skin. Her body feels so warm against mine and every curve is so soft I feel like I could sink inside her and just disappear.

I know one thing, I will do anything, whatever it takes to spend more nights like this, wrapped around her body. If I have to be the pathetic, sad, cheated on spouse, then I will be that, because a few hours in her embrace is worth whatever lies it takes to get me here.

I watch her sleep, and her sweet breath washes over my face. This must be next door to Heaven.

Heaven itself would be..

I switch my brain to Emmett eating sloppy joe's, a truly disgusting sight.

Yes, that was close. I am laying way too close for thoughts of Heaven.

I don't want to embarrass or scare her.

My body has to behave and wait for shower time.

Bella opens her eyes and smiles at me in such a completely natural way, like I was always here with her.

"How did you sleep, Edward?" she asks.

Blissfully.

"I slept well, thank you, Bella."

"Good, I was worried you would be upset with the whole Alice thing. Just know you can come and talk to me about anything, Edward. I want to be here for you."

"Thank you Bella."

She turns to face me and pulls me into an embrace that almost kills me dead.

Emmett, naked, rolling in a mudpit, spitting out the dirt,,

Fortunately she releases my body and jumps out of bed.

I lay there breathing deeply and waiting for things to completely subside.

"Come on, sleepy head. I need your help."

She darts into the bathroom and starts filling the tub, adding bubblebath and stirring the water with her toe.

I know she is commando under that Tshirt.

Think of your parents, having 30th anniversary sex...

She throws the shirt off, of course she does.

Granny naked, running...

She stands and stretches, her breasts push out and her nipples pebble in the cool morning air.

Grandpa naked, jumping up and down...

She steps into the water and hands me her strawberry shampoo.

I have to kneel beside the bath to hide my hard on. The geriatrics are not helping me now.

Her hair is soft and fragrant and I massage the shampoo in and swallow thickly.

"Edward, you have such wonderful long fingers. That feels incredible."

Not helping, Bella. Those wonderful long fingers are longing to caress those perfect mounds of cherry tipped flesh, to reach down south and slip inside and touch...

It has to be Emmett and his grossness, it's all that helps... Emmett in a bath filled with beans..sadly, I really saw this, it's not my imagination...college kegger..

"Here's the conditioner" she murmurs and I begin again, my fingertips soothing her scalp as I swirl the cream around and breath her in, so close. She starts washing her perfect breasts, concentrating on one nipple...

My eyes cannot stop looking. Her cherry pink tip is pebbling again and she absently rubs her fingers around it, spreading the bodywash...

I stand and hurriedly head for the door.

"I just have to catch Jaz before he leaves this morning" I hastily splutter and make a run for the elevator, my dangerously tented boxers could take out an eye..

Pushing through my apartment door, I ignore a scantily clad Alice making coffee and head for the bathroom, slamming and locking the door securely.

x x x x x x x

APOV

Aha! This is all such a farce. I grab my refill and walk quietly towards the bathroom door. I know what I saw, and that morning wood did not come from any thoughts of Jasper, I would bet my life on it. Edward has left behind an aroma of strawberry shampoo, and I giggle at what Bella must have put him through. How on earth did he manage to share her shower or watch her taking one and not explode and give the game away?

I can hear some frantic grunting and soft moans as he does what men do in these trying times.

"God yes, Bella!" he murmurs and I air punch.

Alice, you are always right!

"Was that Edward?' asks a dreamy half naked Jasper, walking behind me and pulling me in close, his lips on my earlobe as he bites down gently.

His boxers are also tented, despite our activities last night and I wriggle my ass against him.

"Excuse me, Ma'am, but any more of that and I will have to punish you soundly" he drawls in his Texas twang. God it makes me wet just hearing his voice.

"I am sorry. I have been so very bad" I cry and throw myself on his mercy.

He slaps my ass and pulls me back into the bedroom, and the large white bed.

x x x x x x x

Edward is sitting at the table drinking coffee and frowning.

"Jaz, this isn't going to work" he sighs and looks anxiously at my man.

Yes, my man

We don't even pretend any more. This pair are simply pulling off a scam for free housing.

Jaz admitted as much last night. Like I needed his confirmation.

"Edward, it's too late. We have admitted in writing that we qualify for this apartment. We have to keep up the facade. What's happened?"

"Bella" Edward replied.

Jaz looks at me and grins. We touch fists and laugh.

"Alice, are you ever wrong? "

"Nope, don't ever bet against me" I warn.

EPOV

I looks at these two, they are so lucky. Jaz has called the bi card and nobody can accuse him of doing anything wrong without risking a law suit for prejudice, for forcing him to behave in a way that is not of his nature. Lucky bastard. I want to be bi, too. It's too late now.

"Slight problem, Edward. Sorry. Last night's partying at the club hasn't gone unnoticed.

This was under the door."

He slides a letter across the table and I read what it says.

"It has come to our attention that you and Edward Cullen have not been acting in a manner truly indicative of a homosexual relationship. May we bring to your attention, fraudulently claiming free housing is an offense and carry carry a jail term. We will be asking the apartment night manager, Ms Isabella Swan, and her superior to investigate further. Should she have been found to have granted you inappropriate free lodgings, proceedings will be instigated against you, Jasper Whitlock, your partner, Edward Cullen and Ms Swan."

"What are we going to do?" We cannot have Bella get into trouble over this. She assumed only gay couples would apply and now she can be accused of allowing us to live here, and not fulfilling the requirements. None of this is her fault."

"There have been incidents in the past, of managers giving free lodging to their friends so they take it pretty seriously." Alice informed us.

"That's it, we have to come clean and announce we are no longer gay. Alice has cured you and I had a religious experience or an epiphany or something."

"Sorry, Edward, but even if you and Jaz could suddenly discover you are no longer gay, the damage is done. You two signed the same lease Bella had to witness, she is far too trusting, taking you two on your word alone. Though how she is supposed to detect a non gay couple is beyond me. Sleep with them both? Offer them a night with Jacob? Then see which option they choose?" Alice giggles " Also, don't forget, Bella is taken. She thinks she is going to marry Jake. You are better off being her safe gay friend, I think until you start getting under her skin."

Her skin. Her creamy, soft, clean, sweet smelling...

Jasper slaps me and brings me back.

"Oh man, you have it bad!"

"Bella is a lovely girl" pipes up Alice. "I don't know that she knows what she wants yet. I would hate to see her marry Jake and regret it. You need a plan, Edward. Maybe let her confide all her worries to you and see if you can help her see she has other options. Not that you can be one of them yet."

Yet.

"Alice' I groan."Is it ever going to happen for us?"

I don't know why I am asking but she seems to be some kind of mind reading, future predicting gypsy.

"Absolutely, if you play your cards right. You are going to suffer for a while yet. You need to start invading her heart in a way other than pity. You need to truly be the best friend she has ever had. Be there for her, do everything you can to become a major player in her life. We will figure a way to help you come out as straight once you and she are inseparable. Meanwhile, use some lube or you will be red raw."

I would blush but it's way too late for that.

"She does things to me, Alice. I don't know what Jaz has told you about me, but I still have my v card and it truly has never been in any danger before. Now all I can think about is cashing it inside your friend. She haunts me, Alice. I spent last night in her bed.

In her bed, Alice.

I have never shared a bed with anyone. I had my arms around her and she is so soft, so warm...I had no idea a girl could be so...tempting and delicious. I am going to slip up, I know it."

"Okay, what we need to establish in Bella's mind that this is real, you and Jaz. I can act all upset and worried that you two are too bonded for me to have a chance with Jasper. We need to get Bella up here, let her see you two being a gay couple. Then when she gets asked if she has seen evidence of your gay lifestyle, she will be off the hook and you two will be the only ones liable if they unmask you."

I raise my eyebrows. I am not going that far.. Saying and doing are worlds apart. An alibi is one thing, but there's no way in hell..

"Relax. You just need to act like a couple, not have sex."

"Good" says Jaz, pulling Alice onto his knee."because, man, there are some places I won't go even for free rent and avoiding an inquiry."

I nod my agreement.

"Totally" I confirm out loud.

"You guys need to have a party!" announces Alice. "You can invite Bella and Jake and act like you and Jaz are all lovey dovey. I will cover her shift so she can come. Just think of yourselves as being with.. well, us. Jaz, pretend Edward is me..and Edward, act like you want to act towards Bella, only to Jaz. Be sweet and loving, and let Bella see how you two click..and also, it will throw any thoughts Jake may have when Bella spends so much time with you, Edward. He needs to see you are gay and no threat."

I can see the sense in what she is saying. Emmett finally emerges from his room and pours two coffees.

"Emm, we are having a party, tonight. You and Rose need to come. Jaz and I are establishing to Bella and Jake that we are a couple. So no cracks, no kidding about. Jaz and I are in love and Alice is just a distraction. Okay?"

I dress and return to Bella's and fortunately she is fully clothed, just about to lock her apartment door.

"Is everything okay, Edward?" she asks, looking anxious that I am not to traumatised over Alice sleeping in my bed.

"Sure. But Jaz and I need to spend some time together, you know?"

"I think that would be a good idea" she says, smiling softly and reaching up to ruffle my hair.

God stop the universe, I want to get off. I want to swap places with Jacob Black. I want to be the man who gets to push inside her softness and stay there forever.

I can't believe Jake doesn't claim her properly already. I would have her at the very least, engaged to me by now, giving out the message, she is mine, taken, go away.

Bella is slipping a key off her keychain, and she hands it to me.

"Here's my spare. If you need a place to crash or an ear to talk to, come inside and I will always be there for you, Edward. I want to help you. I want you to be happy and have a nice life. Okay?"

"Okay" I nod and accept her key, putting it on my keyring and taking our spare off and handing it to her in return.

"You are welcome in our apartment any time, just maybe knock first so we know you are coming in. For your own sake."

There, does that sound gay enough?

"Of course!" she laughs and kisses my cheek and the spot her lips touched burns hot on my parched skin. My fingers caress the spot as she walks ahead of me and we cross the street to campus.

We share a few classes and the ones Jake doesn't, Bella sits with me. She is so fragrant and alluring, I have to really concentrate and take many notes as otherwise I will be failing before the year starts. Bella pushes our chairs so they touch, and she whispers things in my ear during class and I try not to shiver in pure pleasure.

I have invited them both over tonight and tell them Rose and Emm will be there and Alice is covering her shift behind the desk.

Jake accepts happily, looking forward to a night away from the bar. He leaves us alone to call one of his other temps, Embry, in to cover.

"I can't wait to see you and Jaz make things up" she whispers. "I am sure he loves you, Edward. Things will work out. Maybe if Alice comes up later and see you two, she will back off."

"Bella, if it wasn't Alice, it would be some other girl. It's just what Jaz likes, I accept that."

I am not throwing a spanner in the Jasper and Alice relationship.

"Edward, you are a truly selfless person. I like you so much." She kisses my cheek and Jake raises an eyebrow and walks back, encircling her body with one arm.

"Done. We will be there at 8?" he asks.

"Perfect" I confirm, and walk away, leaving them to it. I don't want to react in front of them when Jake kisses her, as I know he will.

x x x x x x x

"Okay, practice run" says Jaz.

I grumble as I walk into 'our' bedroom, towel around my waist after yet another shower with my imaginary best friend pushing me over the edge as my hand becomes hers.

"Nobody is going to think we are gay if we dont keep this place tidy and do some laundry" I complain."I have virtually no clean clothes and no underwear left in my drawer."

Jasper tosses me a pair of his tighty whities.

"There, boyfriend, you can wear some of mine" he grins."It's fun when couples wear each other's clothes. Shows ownership."

I grimace as I remember Bella in Jake's Tshirt last night.

"Okay, what are we practicing?" I ask.

"We have to act natural and touch each other somewhat" frowns Jaz."Don't cringe if I slap your ass, and don't stiffen up if I hug you."

"There's no chance of anything stiffening up around you" I remind him.

"Oh good one, Edward." he says sarcastically.

We walk into the lounge room and Rose is sitting on the sofa, having way too much fun as she watches us act out our togetherness.

"Are you two going to kiss, because that could be hot?" she asks.

Jaz and I look at each other. No way. I would gag.

Rose has spread the Twister mat out on the floor. She spins the dial and calls out our moves.

"Convince me, you little gay boys" she says as I put my right hand on blue. Jaz is soon half under me and I don't flinch at his closeness. I can do this. If it means someday I have a chance with Bella, I can do this.

If it means Jake has no problem with me sleeping in their bed when he isn't there, I can do this.

If it gets Bella cleared of all suspicion with the Housing Department, I can do this.

"Left foot green" says Rose. I am almost mounting Jasper and I mouth breathe and think of other things but not Bella, that would be very embarrassing, with us two standing like this.

"Right hand red, Jaz" she says and he moves so we are practically being indecent.

A knock sounds on our door and Rose answers it.

I am suddenly aware that Bella is in the room. Beside her stands an official looking woman in a black business suit.

"Hi, guys, this is Angela Webber from the Housing Department. She just needs to make sure you are settling in okay."

"Hello, Ms Webber " calls Jasper from somewhere below me.

"Miss Webber" I acknowledge.

"Showtime" whispers Jaz.

The air crackles with the weirdness that I feel when Bella is this close to me.

I glance up and she smiles at me, and gives me a wink of encouragement.

"I just thought I would drop off some nibbles for tonight. I made some dip and Jake is bringing some wine and crackers." she says and walks past us into the kitchen and I try to think of other things as her scent hits me.

Too late. Jasper opens his eyes widely and looks at my groin.

"Shit, Edward, good play. But evasive tactic needed" he whispers.

"Come on then Big boy, take me to our bed" Jasper says loudly and grabs my hand and pulls me into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind us.

He climbs on the bed and starts bouncing.

I can't help laughing as I lie on the floor and watch Jasper trying to simulate sex sounds on the bed.

I cover my mouth so no laughter escapes.

"Yeah man, Oh Edward" he moans and bounces harder. It looks so funny I have to stuff a Tshirt in my mouth.

"Oh, let me fill your mouth up, baby" he says, trying not to catch my eye as we will both lose it if we do.

We can hear Rose and Bella talking to Angela Webber so we presume they can overhear us.

Jaz jumps off the bed and crosses the room.

"Oh, I'm gonna blow" he says, standing in front of the mirror, brushing out his hair.

"Can you see any gray in my hair?" he whispers and I look closely at his scalp.

"Alice said I have gray hairs and I so do not."

"Yeah, Edward, that's it" he says out loud.

"Is that a gray hair?" I ask and pull a single strand from his head and hand it to him..

He holds it up in the light from the window.

"Oh man, you are so big" he announces loudly.

"That's blond. There's no fucking way that is gray" he whispers to me.

I squint up my eyes and compare it to his other hairs.

"No, Jaz, that's gray" I tell him in a whisper.

"Edwarddd" he screams and glares at me.

"Blond, Edward. That is not gray, you bastard."

He ruffles my hair up messily so roughly it actually hurts, so I slap his hand away.

He throws me a towel and I wrap it around my waist, over his tighty whities and he does the same. We leave the room, heading for the bathroom.

The girls smile at us and I try and look like I just had amazing sex.

Whatever that would look like.

I sit on the closed lid of the toilet and floss between my teeth as Jasper showers then I get in and wash my hair, before he turns the water off. He sits and flosses and waits for me to be done, then we walk out together, Jaz's arm casually around my shoulders.

"Get some clothes on, you pair" says Emmett, looking very confused.

"Bella is in the lounge room with Rose and a woman from Housing." I whisper and he visibly relaxes.

"Jesus, you pair. I thought for a minute.." he whispers to us.

We both try and not grin.

We walk into our bedroom and dress quickly and return to the lounge room . Bella holds out her hand and I walk over and take it.

"See, you two just need some time together, to reconnect" she says quietly in my ear and I feel myself gooseflesh.

She is so freaking sexy when she is caring and concerned for me.

Jaz tosses me a beer and I catch the bottle and twist the top off.

He walks towards me, determination in his eyes.

I mentally brace myself and he kisses my cheek, barely grazing my skin thank God. We smile as sincerely as we can and sit together, on the sofa opposite the girls and Emmett. Rose is smirking and I want to slap her but Bella just looks happy. Angela Webber looks a little unsettled and restless. I think she bought it.

She smiles a sickly smile of distaste and looks like she needs to run out and scrub her body with bleach from being this close to gays.

I place my hand on Jasper's knee as we talk, his knee is bony and hard. Men have such hard bodies. Women are so soft and touchable. I start to wonder why women even like men. We are mainly all loud, selfish, deceitful, boring, and not even nice to touch. I think I would be a lesbian if I were a woman, I decide. Men just don't feel anything like women and women are what I want to touch. Well, one of them in particular and as I watch her excuse herself to take a call from Jacob, I am reminded again. She is taken.

x x x x x x x

The party has started slowly but I freak out mentally when Angela Webber walks through the door. Who the heck invited her? She is on the arm of a short, dark haired man who is introduced as her boyfriend, Ben. She emphasizes 'boyfriend'.

Yes, Angela, we get it, you are nice and normal and we are not. Thanks for pointing that out.

Ben seems nice and friendly and he stands beside me when I go to grab a beer.

"I have an uncle like you" he tells me.

"Like me? Football player? Pianist? Music student?"

"No", he says quietly, "you know..gay."

"Oh, gay" I remember. Right. I am gay. Stop forgetting that, Cullen.

Ben walks away with his beer and gives me a wink to show I am okay even if I am gay.

Bella and Jake are sitting on the sofa and when there isn't room for Angela and Ben as well, Jake pulls Bella over onto his lap and I want to growl or something.

But I can't, of course.

Jaz walks over and whispers in my ear.

"Shit, I hope they aren't staying all night. Alice was going to sleep over once she locks up after them. Jake has to work at the club , they have a function on, and we were hoping you would bunk in with Bella again."

I want very much to bunk with Bella again.

I want Jake and Angela and Ben to all go away and leave us alone, so we can go to bed and cuddle up next to Bella again. Well, just me.

Rose sidles up beside us.

"What a bitch" she whispers, nodding toward Angela. "I think she thinks it's her duty to stand beside your bed and make sure you are not faking anything."

"How did our show look this afternoon?" I ask Rose.

"Good, Bella thought it was wonderful you two are trying to stay together and Angela looked like she wanted to vomit everytime she heard Jaz speak. I was just trying not to laugh and wondering what you two were really doing. You were very quiet, Edward. Are you the strong, silent type during sex?"

"I wouldn't know, Rose."I tell her and she blinks and looks into my eyes.

"Edward, are you a .."

"Virgin." I confirm.

"Well, that is a surprise" she admits, looking at me again.

"You would be so fucking perfect for Bella. She is a virgin, you know."

"What? But she sleeps with Jake."

"Oh Jake would like to fix things, he has been after her virginity for years but she won't take that last step. She does indulge in...other activities with him, but she has this crazy idea of saving herself for her future husband and won't give it up until she has a ring on her finger. Jake has proposed twice and she says she needs time. What does that tell you? No girl who meets her Mr Right needs time. Jake is relentless, he is determined to wear her down and have her v card before they get hitched. I don't trust Jake, he used to be quite a dog, into every bitch for miles. I am not sure the leopard has changed his spots."

I look at Bella with new eyes. She is a virgin? I like how that makes me feel. But Jake is wearing her down? I know Jake and Bella are going to a funeral in their home town Thursday and so Bella is sleeping at Jake's tomorrow night. He has already got me covering his shifts while he is away.

I feel uneasy. I have to encourage Bella to keep herself for marriage. If she married Jake, well, fair enough. I lose. But if I somehow get out of this ridiculous farce and she finds out how very straight I am, I want her to choose me.

I need tonight to talk to her again.

I decide what Jaz and I need to do is make Angela Webber so uncomfortable she will leave.

I consider how much I can tolerate of Jaz touching me. No more kissing, that freaks me out. I wander closer and listen to the conversation. Angela is discussing her upcoming wedding and going on about the sanctity of marriage. I may not need Jaz.

I manage to edge into the conversation and stand beside Ms Webber.

"When is your wedding?" I ask her.

"Next June. I always wanted to be a June bride, like my mom."

"Nice" I answer. "That's what I love about Washington. Jaz and I are getting married next year too. June would be a good month to choose."

She shudders visibly and not in a good way.

"You two are getting married? Gays should not be allowed to marry, its just wrong. The sanctity of marriage should be between man and his wife. Anything else is a blasphemy."

"Oh, look at Jasper. How could you say anything about him is wrong?' I purr.

"Would you be interested in attending our wedding? Or, you know what, we could have a double wedding with you and Ben. Where are you having the ceremony?"

"Oh, we have to go, I didn't realize it was that late and I have..something..I need to do early tomorrow. Nice meeting you. Ben! We have to go."

She is out the door with a bewildered Ben in seconds.

Two down.

I am wracking my brains how to hurry Jake along when his cell phone rings and he is soon cursing and comes back to apologise.

"I swear, Edward, you will have to be a better bar tender than those clowns I employ at the moment. Bella, sweetheart, I have to go. Paul has managed to lose his rag and have a stand up argument with one of the V.I.P's, I have to go smooth his ruffled feathers. Edward, thanks again for taking my shifts Thursday night, I will ring and let you know when we are coming back. We may stay over for the weekend with Charlie. Bye."

He kisses Bella and she walks him to the door and it's done!

I stand beside her as the door closes.

"Edward, good party. I am so pleased to see you and Jasper happy again."

"I need to talk to you about a few things. I think Alice is staying again tonight. Can we go down to your apartment?"

"Of course we can" she agrees readily.

I go and grab my flannel pajama pants so I have some barrier between us tonight, and we head downstairs.

Her scent fills the elevator and I sigh. It's going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

My New Best Friend

Chapter 3

EPOV

As we changed for bed, I made sure to keep my eyes averted from the naked Bella as her bra fell to the floor, following the dress and shoes, and I closed my eyes so temptation didn't draw them towards her.

"Edward" she said,"Can you tell me the truth?"

I froze. Shit. What had I given away?

"Look at this thong. Do you think they are sleazy? I never wanted to wear one but Rose keeps buying them for me and throwing them in my drawer and when I wash my fuller panties, I swear, she tosses them away. But I think thongs are just unflattering, don't you?"

She waited for me to look and inspect the backside she had practically shoved in my face.

I tried to think of a word, any word.

A word not in the sentence "Please let me fuck you, Bella." but other words escaped me so I tried to look like I was weighing up the pro's (many) and the cons (cons?) of thong wearing.

"They must be cool, like not hot, yeah well, hot but not restrictive" I babbled.

"But look Edward, my entire ass cheeks are just hanging there. No fancy packaging. Surely a nicely cut bikini panty is more attractive?"

She seriously thinks there is something in the universe more attractive than her ass?

I kept my back to her and furtively stroked myself under the blanket as she twisted and looked at her own ass in the full length mirror. Great, now I have a view of her delicious boobs with their pink cherries on top in front of me and a view of her wagging ass cheeks in the mirror. Views from front and back.

Taking her from the front and back..

I rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Edward, are you ill? Can I help?"

Yes, buy yourself a long, thick, granny nightdress and wear it to bed and get changed in the bathroom!

"I'm...fine...Bellaaaa."I managed to say as I released certain fluid down the toilet and was grateful she had me so turned on it only took a minute and five strokes of my hand to complete.

I splashed cold water on my face and re entered the bedroom and slid into bed. My dick was finally asleep and I wanted to keep it that way. I grabbed one of her many pillows and placed in on my lower abdomen and then placed a pillow at my side, between me and her.

No contact. At all.

"Bella, I need to talk about something. Do you think, when a person believes strongly about something, they should refuse to let their partner talk them around to a different way of thinking? Or should we all hold on to our own ideals and morals and integrity?"

"Is this about Jaz wanting to include Alice in your relationship? Aw, Edward. I am so sorry she won't back off. She really believes she and Jaz have something special."

"No, I am thinking hypothetically. Like, if I had wanted to wait, for instance, until Jaz and I were married? Should I have stuck to that or let him talk me round? Doesn't that make a mockery of the whole idea of love? Isn't love supposed to be patient and to allow the other person to stick to what they believe is right for them?"

"You know, this is an issue between Jake and I. I want to wait until after I am married. I mean, it's not that we don't do stuff to relieve each others stress, he is always willing to lick me to orgasm or use his fingers and I blah blah blah" Her words lost all meaning.

All I could see was my head between her thighs and my tongue on her sex and my long clever fingers pumping in and out of her pussy.

She talked for a while but I was somewhere else, floating on a cloud. I hoped she had decided to wait and that I was right and that she would wait but my mind refused to go back to reality and coherency. My dick was rigid and so hard I knew I would never be able to get to the bathroom to help myself. Maybe once she was asleep I could gently tease myself off without moving. I allowed my dick freedom out of my pants and waited. It was going to be impossible but I wished I could be beside Bella, looking at her while I wanked.

Bella finally lay beside me and I waited for her to drift off so I could limp off to relieve my problem again.

She started to snore softly and I moved away, only to feel her hand suddenly snake out and grab me...there.

"Jake, honey, let me help you" she murmured and her hand started sliding up and down, up and down, hypnotically.

What was I supposed to do? Wake her up and have her embarrassed at what she was doing? Maybe kick me out of her bed forever? Lay back and enjoy it and hope she didn't return to consciousness until after it was all over? Which would not be long. Her hand was so soft! So soft! I couldn't believe a hand with bones and muscles and skin, a hand much like my own only in the small size version, could be so freaking soft.

I shut my own eyes because if I was asleep too and she woke up, she could not blame me.

Her hand stroked and retreated and stroked back up and I stiffened as I lost my load.

"Bellaaa" I silently mouthed into the night.

Thank God, she was still sleeping soundly and she took her hand away and placed both hands, fingers pointed, palms together, under her cheeks and slept on.

I tried to clean up as best I could without disturbing her then pulled her large fluffy continental quilt over us both and snuggled down beside her.

Kissing the top of her head as softly as a snowflake landing, I drifted off to sleep beside her.

Morning intruded and I sat up and shook my head to clear my floppy hair from my eyes.

I glanced at Bella and nearly choked.

Jacob Black was in the other side of the bed, Bella snuggled in his arms.

Shit! When had that happened?

I snuck out of bed and grabbed my clothes off the floor. I had no idea if he knew I was in that bed and I wasn't going to hang around and find out.

I opened their door silently and pulled it closed, turning the handle slowly, so slowly. It clicked as the lock engaged and I raced for the elevator. Thank God we have the whole of the top floor, so nobody else shares this.

Alice was waiting and she got in as I got out.

"Nice pajamas, Edward" she smirked.

"Nice almost there babydoll nightie, Alice"I answered.

Shit. Does this girl not own a robe? I had never seen her in one.

Just what I needed, another soft half naked woman making my dick dance.

I made it to the bathroom in record time and pulled my flannel pants to my knees, my hand already stroking as I sat on the closed toilet lid.

So soft.

Her hands.

She got me off again, while sleeping with her boyfriend on the floor below.

She is one talented woman.

x x x x x x x x x

APOV

"I am not selfish. Shit, Jake, I gave you a handjob last night."

"Bella, you are dreaming. You did not touch my dick last night. It would hardly be begging for attention if you had."

Wait. Jake is in Bella's bed? Then where did Edward sleep?

I tapped on the bedroom door and peeked in.

"Sorry, I have to grab some clean clothes and get to early class. I won't peep." I promised.

"Nothing to see here" said Jake, gruffly.

"Apparently Bella dreams she gave me a good time so now she thinks that absolves her from following through."

He was pissy and annoyed as hell. I giggled and threw my clean clothes on the bed.

A black Tshirt lay between my bed and Bella's so I bent to retrieve it and toss it to Jake when I realized, it was Edward's vintage band shirt that he sometimes wore to bed. He had it on last night when he left the apartment when he grabbed his flannel pajamas.

And now it was on our floor on Bella's side of the bed and, yuk, it was sticky and crusty? Edward had...done that..with Bella in the bed? Surely he wouldn't risk it? Presumably he did that before Jake arrived and woke us up with his noisy black bike at 4 am this morning.

I then realized what Jake was whinging about.

Bella insisted she had pulled him off and he was denying it ever happened.

I giggled again.

Somehow I had a feeling Mr Edward Cullen may have been the recipient of Bella's ministrations!

x x x x x x x x x

EPOV

Bella was waiting to walk to class with me when I came down to the front lobby. She was sitting on the bench seat, one leg swinging, the other foot tapping the ground furiously. Her sweet lip was copping a beating as she chewed it mercilessly.

"Morning, Bella" I said, sitting beside her for a minute.

"Jake is a moron" she spewed at me.

Yeah, no argument from me.

"What happened?"

"I felt him come to bed after you left last night.."

I raised my eyebrows. Okay, a little out of sequence but whatever.

"and I spent like five minutes making sure I got him off and today he is all pissed because I didn't help him out all night and he had a woody still this morning. He hates waking up with a woody, he likes me to jerk him off before morning so he is right for the day."

Shit. No recovery power then, Jake? Right for the day? I could only dream of being right for an entire day around Bella. With her my dick was either constantly hard or instantly recovering.

"I mean, a man must know if he has had an orgasm, right Edward? So why was he denying it and pretending? I think he starts these fights because he wants me to dump him. Seriously. If he wants that to happen, I can assure you, he is going the right way about it. Any repeat of this and I am kicking him to the curb."

Hmm, if she attends to a penis' needs and Jake denies it occurred, she will dump him?

I need to work this to my advantage. I want to be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on.

And besides, I want her soft hands on my dick again.

I worried for a while maybe this was technically some form of sexual assault but she was doing it to me, I wasn't touching her or encouraging her, so it was all her doing, right? If anyone was being assaulted, it was me. And God knows I want more.

Jake and Bella didn't sit together in any class, so she sat beside me and I murmured my support as she complained about Jake to me. I could listen to this all day, it was music to my ears.

"I mean, if he forgot, or didn't even feel me do it, well that just shows how very little I mean to him, right?"

"Could be true" I answered.

Shut up, it could be, what do you know?

Jake announced he was taking his bike to Forks after all and would see Bella there. He said the Rabbit had some problem and she would need to drive her own car. I instantly offered to drive her myself. I had never been down that way and always wanted to visit. Since three minutes ago.

Bella agreed I could drive her which made me incredibly happy, then she said she would rather leave in the morning, as she needed some sleep. I waited and was thrilled when she asked me to sleep in her bed again. Yes, Cullen!

I wanted to jump up and down on the spot and wave my hands in the air. But I didn't. Then I thought, I probably should have. Being gay and all it was expected of me.

That night, when her hand found me as she slept, I was treated to an hour long session of angry hand sex as she muttered and moaned about what a selfish, ungrateful pig Jake was, and I just kept coming as she kept jerking me off.

Finally, after three glorious orgasms, she pushed me away and rolled her back to me and slept on. Next morning I was up when she awoke and walked groggily to the bathroom and got in the shower. and while she was in there. I pulled her soiled sheets off and put them in her washer and made the bed with fresh sheets. I don't think Jake would fall for the accusations he had made those wet patches, when he was not even in town.

I served her breakfast when she flopped down at the table.

"Edward, I could be wrong. Maybe I did dream it after all, because last night I dreamt I was relieving his stress for ages and he wasn't even here. I had better apologize. Geez, talk about a weird sex dream. I wonder what it meant?"

It meant I was getting all the benefits and Bella was innocently showing me the joy of sex when another person was involved.

x x x x x x x x x

I dropped Bella at her father's house and carried her overnight bag in.

"Dad, this is Edward Cullen. He is a friend from college." she said as we walked in.

"Charlie Swan" he replied and held out his hand and I shook it firmly.

"Why didn't Jake bring you?" he asked Bella.

"Jake and I had a little falling out and he rode here on his bike, in a huff."

"A fight over..?" Charlie said, pointing his shoulder in my direction.

"What, dad?"

"Over Edward here? I mean, he is a stunning looking boy and I am sure Jake is probably jealous."

"Edward is my friend. Jake is being a childish prick."

"Bella, language."

"So, where are you staying tonight, Edward?" he asked.

"Oh, um, I can find a motel or something."

"No you can't, one motel and one guesthouse, both booked out for Harry's out of town friends. You can stay here. On the couch." he decided.

"Dad"

Bella looked at me, raising her eyebrows, asking permission to tell him.

I smiled and nodded then thought it through. Shit, no, I didn't want her saying I was gay to her father. He was hardly going to be happy when we started dating next term if he thought I was gay.

Too late.

"..so he can sleep in my bed with me. And you probably wont even come home yourself, right? Will you be staying at Sue's?"

Charlie stood looking at me, hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, I will" he answered absently as he studied me from top to bottom.

"Edward, want to come see the backyard?" he asked and I followed him outside, fearing what his next words would be.

"So, this is some sort of scam, right? You are no more gay than I am." he stated, waiting for confirmation from me.

"Yes sir. It wasn't my idea but unfortunately I agreed to go along with it."

I explained everything to Charlie, throwing myself on his mercy and he laughed and shook his head.

"College kids. Well, your secret is safe with me, so long as you manage to come between Bella and that idiot Jake. I do not want my daughter marrying him and being stuck on the Rez looking after his freeloader relatives."

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Billy is a decent guy but he has eight relatives living with him and I think Jake just wants Bella to cook and clean for them all. She deserves a better life than that. You in love with her, son?"

I flinched. Was I? It certainly seemed that way most of the time.

"I'm getting there, sir. I am very attracted to Bella and just want to make her happy."

"Ah, but you can't make her too happy while she thinks you are gay. So, go ahead, sleep in her bed with her,.Just look after her, son and remember who you are. Her gay best friend. No funny business."

"No sir" I replied.

I spent the day wandering around the small town. Most of the businesses were shut for the funeral. Once it was over and Bella came home, I kissed her on the cheek and wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"Okay, love?" I asked.

"Sure. It's just so sad. Harry has two teenagers and they need a man to guide them as they grow up. They are coming over later. You will love Seth." she said cryptically.

Bella made dinner with my help, and we sat together at her Dad's small kitchen table and ate. She seemed to cheer up a bit after receiving a phone call from Jacob.

When she hung up, she smiled at me.

"Edward, would it be too weird if I left you here alone tonight?"

"Um, why?"

"Jake and I have decided to take the next step. He wants me to spend the night with him at his place. All the tribal elders will be sitting out around the bonfire all night. Kind of a farewell for Harry's spirit. Jake pointed out nobody expected Harry to die like he did. A heart attack, out of nowhere. He was forty two years old, so young, no heart disease, ate well, exercised daily, a real healthy person with no family history of heart disease either. Then he just falls to the ground and dies. He must have had so many regrets and I don't want it to be that way for me. I don't want to die a virgin. I don't want to die alone and I truly don't see Jake and I lasting if we don't go forward with things. A relationship has to move forward and grow, or it stagnates and dies."

"Is this you talking or Jake?" I asked.

"Jake makes me see things clearly, Edward. I never work these things out for myself. I just have rigid ideas and become too inflexible. I love Jake and I want him to be happy with me. We need to do this. I can't be a virgin forever and tonight seems kind of fitting, you know?"

"Bella, only do this if it is what you really want. Don't let your friends death scare you into doing anything you wouldn't be ready to do. Chances are, you are not about to die yourself, and what if you live for eighty more years and spend them regretting a decision you made in haste? A decision based on fear is not a good decision. If you do this, it can't be undone. It's not like you can change your mind tomorrow and go back to being a virgin if you do this tonight."

"I know, but I truly think Jake is it for me and we will be together forever. He has proposed twice already. Maybe it's time I started saying 'yes' and stopped saying 'no' to a few things."

I felt sad that she was rushing into these decisions. She hadn't wanted either of these things last week or yesterday, now she did? I felt Jake was pressuring her but what could I do? Bella was not mine to influence. It was her life and these decisions were hers to make. She was over 18. It was her business.

Harry's kids, Leah and Seth and their female cousin arrived soon after and I was surprised how neat and quiet Seth was for an eighteen year old boy. Tidy was the word that came to mind. Even his fingernails were clean and neatly buffed and I felt like a bit of a hobo in my Tshirt and open flannel shirt over my ripped jeans when he wore neatly pressed dress pants, a button shirt buttoned completely up, a sort of cardigan thing over it, and his hair, unlike mine, was neatly cut and combed into a style.

"So, Edward, I have heard a lot about you. Want to come to a club tonight?"

"There's a club here? In this town?"

"No, we are going to Port Angeles but it's not far. There are a few clubs there but some of us have our favorite and you will love it. Dress code demands you maybe have a shave and wear a better shirt maybe, if you don't mind me saying. Though, I know a few friends who definitely go for scruffy. Maybe you should stay as you are."

Leah was a piece of work. I knew trouble when I saw it and I was seeing it in spades. The two girls were openly discussing their sex lives as they caught up since the last time they had been together at a family function. I wondered how old she was, she was younger than her brother and he was just eighteen.

"You're joking! You poor thing. A virgin! God, is there anything worse than having to break in a newbie." exclaimed her cousin.

I couldn't help listening in.

"At least I knew what we were doing because he certainly had no idea!".

They both rolled around with laughter. Is that what it is like the first time?

"Do you remember when Emily and Sam got together and they were both virgins? God, what a laugh. It took like, what, a week for them to even work up to what went where. They must have been the only married virgins in history! Wouldn't that suck, two virgins together! My God. I couldn't imagine anything worse than a man who has no idea or experience."

Two virgins together. I myself couldn't imagine anything better but one of us would not be a virgin after tonight.

Maybe it was time I got out of my shell and got myself some experience so when I did meet someone special, at least I would know what I was doing and 'what went where'. If girls hated men with no experience, maybe I would have more luck next time I met someone who affected me like Bella did if I cashed my v card now and got some lessons. Much as I wished I could cash it with Bella, it wasn't going to happen. She was Jake's. Maybe I would one day meet another girl just like her. Did that person even exist? Bella was so special to me but she wasn't mine to want.

"Come on, man. I have a feeling tonight will be a whole heap of fun."

"Are the girls coming?" I asked Seth.

"No, why would they?:

Oh right, so they were underage.

The club was smoky and dimly lit, and Seth slapped my back and told me to go get some action and we would meet up later to drive home.

"No sex in the car" he warned."That bloody Leah will smell it and tell Mom. So keep to the alley out the back or rent one of the rooms upstairs, they charge by the hour."

I nodded and walked up to sit at the bar.

The barman handed me the beer I ordered and I sat sipping it and looking around. I frowned as I realized there were no women here.

How strange.

Men were even dancing together on the dancefloor.

Ah, there were two women. I was about to walk over and introduce myself when the taller woman grabbed her friend and locked lips in a very overfriendly manner and they started dancing in a very suggestive way together.

This was no besties show, this was something more.

Several men offered to buy me drinks but I had my own already so I refused and watched the other patrons dancing. I finished my third beer and went into the men's restroom to rid my bladder of the excess fluid and over heard more than I ever wanted to between two men in a cubicle.

I recognized both voices immediately.

"I have to hurry. She expects me to pick her up in an hour and I have to drive back to Forks. Sorry, we can get together next week in the city when we get home. I have to keep things sweet and anyway, tonight I get to invade her pussy. You know I love you but I like a bit of girl sex now and then."

I was disturbed to say in the least and hurried out of there as soon as I could.

I watched the door and my eyes followed when two men walked out and kissed, then the taller one left hurriedly. Jacob Black. And Seth Clearwater.

Bella's Jake.

In a men's toilet with Seth?

Suddenly a lot of things added up.

Why Bella would think I would love Seth.

Why Seth left the girls at home.

Why there were no women here other than the obviously together couple.

We were in a gay bar.

I dare say it was obvious to everyone else.

I had never been in one before and felt distinctly uncomfortable.

A tall woman with long bleached blond hair sat beside me and I wondered where her girlfriend was.

"Hi there. I am Jojo. Are you looking for company?"

She was a rough looking female, I shuddered at the hint of almost five o'clock shadow on her face. Her shoulders were broader than mine and her dress was trashy and over sequinned.

I glanced down and her feet were truly enormous. She must have a lot of trouble buying shoes, I thought.

I chatted with her for a while but refused her offer of taking me back to her room.

I wasn't in the mood now.

Should I warn Bella? What would I say? Would she even believe me?

I decided I had to find Seth and ask him what was going on between him and Jacob.

And if Jacob had done things like this before.

Seth came down the stairs with a pretty blond boy whom he kissed passionately, then he walked over to me.

"You done? Find someone to hook up with?"he asked.

"Does Jake do this often?" I asked straight out.

"Oh so you fancy Jacob, do you? He does cat about a bit but he is into girls, too. You know he is with Bella, right?"

"Yeah. how does that work?"

"She has no idea. Jake needs a cover story and he figures if he marries her its a win/win. His family needs a woman to help out in the house and Jake wants to appear normal."

Seth sounded bitter and disturbed.

"You have feelings for him?" I asked.

"Yeah. Pointless as it is."

We decided to leave and as we walked out the door, the big blond woman slapped my ass and grinned at Seth.

"He is a pretty one, this boy. You taking him home, Seth?"

"Yeah. See you, Joseph" he answered and I choked.

Joseph?


	4. Chapter 4

My New Best Friend

Chapter 4

Fallout

Bella's POV

"Dad, seriously, you are forbidding me to go out with my boyfriend? How would this work? You know we are going back to the city tomorrow. We can move in together, I don't know, get engaged, get married even, and you can't stop us, so why this ridiculous charade of fatherly concern tonight?"

"Edward rang, he needs to talk to you before you leave this house and I trust that boy. A lot more than I trust Jacob Black at this moment."

"You have always had a problem with Jake. Why, dad? It cannot be because he is an Indy. You are best friends with Billy, well you were, all my childhood. I know you don't like that he let his cousins move in and freeload but it's his life, his house, his decision."

"And you are the one they are all counting on to be their housemaid. What sort of life is that going to be, Bella? Stuck on the Rez, washing and cleaning and cooking for God knows how many deadbeats? If Billy was the man I thought he was, he would kick that lot out on their freeloading asses."

"Maybe Billy thinks family is important? Maybe he thinks he should be there for them in bad times, not just good."

"And thats fine, Bella, but once you marry Jake, I can guarantee they will all sit back and expect you to do everything. You may as well work voluntarily in a homeless shelter."

"Dad, you are really over reacting. Jake and I do not plan to come back here, he has the bar."

"Oh I know he has no intention of tying himself down in a town going nowhere, with a bunch of relatives. He will keep running his precious bar and no doubt, have someone else keeping his bed warm while you slave away here. And you will get the occasional visit from him to keep you quiet, a booty call, a reassurance it's not going to be that way forever, just until things improve. He will probably get you pregnant fast so you can't just walk . I dare you, Bella. You pin down Jake tonight and ask him of his future plans. Let him think you are willing to be the Black house slave and see what he says. Then 'change your mind' and tell him you would rather stay living and working where you are now and watch his reaction. I know I am right."

I stomped out the door, my cellphone in hand and was relieved to see Jake pull up in his VW Rabbit. It seems whatever was wrong with it before is now fixed. No way am I sitting around waiting to see what Edward wants. He is my friend but his opinion on Jake is irrelevant. I handled my relationship before I met him, he should not have any input now. He seems to be ganging up with Charlie and overstepping his limits if he thinks he is telling me who to date. I thought I knew him better than that.

"To my place? Tonight is going to be a special night for us, babe. I have some champagne cooling and some Julio singing in the background. It's going to be our night, Bella."

"Let's go to dinner first. I know it's late but the restaurant will still be open, with all these visitors in town at the moment, it's extended it's hours. I booked us a table. You haven't already eaten, have you?"

Jake looked annoyed but he recovered quickly and took my hand, kissing my fingers.

"Anything you want, Bella."

See, Dad is wrong. Jake loves me and he wants what is best for us. He will not be dumping me in the house on the Res with his relatives.

Our table is in a quiet spot and most of the patrons have finished up or are eating dessert so we decide on just a pizza then maybe chocolate cake to share.

Jake pulls my chair out for me and I sit down and smile at him. He is a good man. I don't know where Charlie gets his crazy ideas from.

"So, Jake, if we get married as soon as we graduate, what's our plans?" I ask.

I can hear Charlie's words in my head so I add

"Will I be living on the Res while you run the bar?"

His face lights up and he answers enthusiastically.

"Yes, great idea, Bells. I knew you would want to help the family. I can hardly just walk away, the bar is my life and I want to keep a hold on it. And you will love living with Dad and the guys. They need some help. It's hard for them , with no woman and they have tasted your cooking. It's a great solution all round."

"And how long before we get our own place and have kids?" I go along with Charlie's suggestion.

"Oh you can have a kid right away, that's fine. And we do have our own place, Bella. They won't live forever. Once they have all gone on to their reward, the house will be all ours. By then, we should have a few kids and you will love it there and not want to ever leave, I promise."

"How many kids, Jake?"

"As many as we can manage to produce, don't you think? We can extend on the house again, build an upstairs, in time we will have our own part all to ourselves and have the guys downstairs. Then you can fill the top level with young braves. Ten boys, imagine. Ten little black haired boys, all like their father."

Okay, now for the reality check.

"I've been thinking, Jake. Once I graduate, I might prefer a career. I don't see the point in training to be a teacher and never using it. What about we stay in Seattle for maybe five or so years and I get established then we think about where we live and if we have kids?"

Jake looked puzzled, then thunderous.

"Bella, we don't have the luxury of time or a yuppie lifestyle. We will stick to the plan. You look after the guys, I look after the bills. I am letting you have kids right away, what more do you want?"

"I want a life of my own choosing. Jake, let me lay it on the line now. I have no intention of living on the Res, not now, not ever. I don't even want to live in Forks. I want to travel, then I want to teach. I want to see some of the world, I want to use my degree. After that, I will consider the next step, including whether or not I have children."

"Bells, don't be ridiculous, what's the point in us getting married if you have such high faluting ideas? The guys need you. I need you. I want babies, Bella. You know I am making the best choice for both of us. After you move in and have our kid inside you, you will see I am right. Now, let's eat and get out of here. I want some pussy tonight."

"As extremely romantic as that sounds, I agree with one thing you said. What's the point of us getting married, indeed. No point, I would say. And go find yourself another slave. You may want pussy tonight, but it won't be mine you get. Goodnight, Jake. Goodbye. You better find a replacement at the bar, too. I quit."

I stood quickly and threw my coat on before stalking out the door.

Not a tear until I got to the carpark and found Edward sitting in the car, waiting for me.

He saw me straight away and rushed to meet me.

"Bella, are you okay? Charlie thought you might need a ride home."

"Damn Charlie. Damn Jacob Black. I swear, I am never dating another man, Edward. I hope you have plenty of free time to spare for me because from now on, any man in my life has to be gay! No way am I ever getting tied up with some controlling, selfish bastard of a man again. Take me home."

Tears flooded cheeks but I brushed them away impatiently.

"Do you want to stay in Forks for a few days?" he asked me quietly. There was no way I wanted to cope with my father's self satisfied face once he found out he was right and I had been completely mistaken. How could I have been so blind? I had one thing to thank Charlie for. Tonight definitely would have been the night Jake 'got some pussy' and at least I was saved that indignation before blindly walking down he aisle to my doom.

"I want us to pack and leave as soon as we get back to Charlie's. Is that okay?"

"Sure, Bella."

God, I love gay guys. Why can't straight ones be more like them? Edward always seems to put me ahead of himself and is always there for me. Find me a straight man just like him and maybe I won't die a spinster virgin after all.

Edward's POV.

The dilemma isn't lessened by the fact Bella has broken up with Jake. She still wants to be my friend, but only because I am gay. I have a feeling of joy in my heart because she sees Jacob for what he is, well, part of what he is. Do I tell her about Jake and Seth? Is there any point? I finally decide, if there is ever a point where she decides to give Jake another chance, that is when I will tell all I know. But it is taken out of my hands anyway,when we get back to Charlie's. Bella is out of the car and inside the house before I can ever get to her side to open the door for her. I run my fingers through my hair and follow her in.

"Well, Bella?" asks Charlie.

"Well, Dad, you were right. Take a bow, you win. Jake and I are over."

Seth Clearwater stands and sobs out loud.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I knew you loved him, but I love him too. Please don't hate me. He was my first, Bella. I never knew love before Jake and I got together. He showed me how much one human being can mean to another. I am sorry for you, but it's better he told you the truth. I told him not to marry you without telling you about us, so I guess this is all my fault. I am so sorry."

Bella swayed on her feet and I rushed to her side.

Her color was not good, and I braced to catch her if she collapsed completely.

Charlie looked confused. He was looking from Seth to Bella, to me.

"Your first? You and Jake...Jake...Jake is a..."

"Jake is the man I love" Seth said proudly.

"Motherfucker" said Jake, walking in at that moment. "You pathetic moron. They had no idea! Bells was breaking with me over helping out with my family, you fool. God, I am never coming back to this pissant town."

The door slammed behind him and Seth raced sobbing out after him. Charlie sat down and looked at his hands, which had suddenly become the most interesting hands in the universe.

"Jake...Jake is ... Jake and Seth...both of them...Bells.."

He was rambling, incoherent.

I led Bella to the couch then squatted in front of Charlie.

"Are you okay, Charlie? Can I get you anything?"

"..knew that boy since the day he was born...always liked playing with other boys...then he slept with every girl he could...figured he was just sowing his wild oats...him and Seth...what will Sue say?"

He looked up at me.

"What will I tell Sue?"

"I think Seth will tell Sue. Just be there for her" I advised him, concerned he was not reacting well.

I sat back beside Bella and pulled her close. She was boneless, and didn't resist me at all. I kissed the top of her head.

"Maybe we should sleep here tonight, go in the morning?"

She looked at me like she wasn't aware who I was.

"Sleep" she said.

"Will you be okay, Charlie? I need to get Bella to bed?"

Charlie straightened his shoulders and looked at me.

"Thank God she has you, Edward. Thank you. I think I need a drink. Goodnight."

He was gone and I hoped he would be getting a cab home later.

I picked up his daughter bridal style and carried her upstairs. She just needs time, I told myself. She won't always hate men. And she needs me now. I can't be declaring myself a cheat and a liar now while she is like this.

I guess I will be gay for a while yet.

x x x x x x x x

Bella lay trembling and crying in my arms all night, her head on my chest. My shirt was drenched with her tears that seemed to have no ending.I hoped she would be able to cry him completely out of her system and it was almost dawn before she slumped and her breathing changed to an even, slow rhythm, still punctuated by sobs and gasps. She called out Jake's name more than once and I bled for her at the catch in her voice, the heartbreak obvious to all. She had loved that bastard. He had played her and now he had lost her. Thank God for that, but the cost?

I lay still and silent, just kissing her face gently to soothe her, rubbing her back, feeling her tremble in my arms. Suddenly she was awake and she looked at me, and reached for my face, pulling my mouth to hers. Her lips were like the finest wine, and I was intoxicated my their soft and gentle touch. I felt my own lips respond to her frantic ones, and we kissed deeply and lovingly, then she suddenly pulled back.

"Oh My God, Edward! I am so sorry! I was just..."

"I know, love, I know."

"I can't believe I did that. Stupid, stupid.." She started hitting her own face with her hand and I grabbed it.

"It's okay, Bella. I love you. I know that was just a reaction to all you have been through. Okay? Just relax. It didn't mean anything.", to you, maybe.

God, now I had tasted ambrosia, how do I give it up?

I climbed out of her bed and led her to the bathroom, turning on the shower. She stood impassively so I started taking her clothes off for her. She looked at me sadly.

"God, why are you gay? Do you have any idea how perfect you would be for me? I could so fall in love with you, you are the only honest man I ever met, you are the only man I can trust."

"Hush, love. You don't know what you are saying."

I threw my own clothes off and pulled her under the water, washing her gently all over, shampooing her hair, rinsing her off. My body didn't respond in the usual way, even it knew this was not the time nor the place. I wrapped her in a towel and held her close, a towel around my own waist.

"There, there, love. It's going to be alright. I promise."

You should never make promises you can't keep. I knew that and I could see no solution.

The drive back was quiet. Bella slept and I woke her when we reached the building. I helped her inside with her bags then went straight to see the building manager.

"I have to inform you, Jasper Whitlock and I are no longer a couple. We will vacate the building today. Thank you." I signed the forms thrust in front of me and walked back. It took the rest of the day to pack everything the three of us owned and I carried bag after bag to my car.

Jasper and Emmett can share a place. I need some space.

I found an apartment in the next building and paid the deposit and took the keys. After leaving everything Jasper and Emmett owned inside, I locked up and went off in search of them. Rose Hale was walking towards Bella's apartment house so I grabbed her arm.

"Bella has broken up with Jacob. She needs you. Here, can you give Emm and Jazz these keys and tell them they now live in Jasmin block, apartment 3C. I paid the deposit and first months rent ."

"Where are you going,Edward?"

"I need to get away for a while. Need some space." I answered.

She smiled at me.

"Come back soon."

"Mmm, maybe."

I headed for the office and arranged to transfer to NYU.

The state Bella is in, finding out I am a straight man will push her off the edge of that cliff she is so dangerously teetering on. Best I go now, and let her heal from her many shocks, than stay and compound her misery. I can't do gay now. I have to be myself, be truthful. Learn to live an honest life again.

I looked up at Bella's window as I pulled away in the Volvo.

"Goodbye, love" I whispered.

x x x x x x x x x x

NYU was buzzing and alive and I found myself a small niche and slipped into it. I rented an apartment off campus and spent the first few days just getting acclimatized to the place, learning where my classes would be. The paperwork was done by that weekend and I started first thing Monday morning. I had spent the entire weekend brooding and worrying about Bella.

Jazz and Emmett's texts were full of disbelief that I had just gone and left them. I told them I needed to do this for me and they eventually accepted it.

Rose rang me and asked me how I was coping and told me Bella had survived, and was still completely broken over Jake but at least she was sticking to her guns and she had refused all his attempts to contact her until finally, last night, she had screamed and yelled and beaten on his chest and Alice and Rose had been forced to pull her away. She had barely noticed my absence, it seemed.

I lay in bed and wondered how the hell all that mess had gone down in the first place.

Why did I listen to Emmett and his demented schemes? Had they ever ended well? No. Had I ever stood up to him and refused to go along with his insane plans? No. I was as stupid as he was, and now my stupidity had come at a high price. It had cost me any chance of being with the woman I loved.

I lay in my lonely bed and looked at the ceiling.

My phone beeped and I opened the text.

"E.I miss you. B"

I sent her a reply.

"I miss you too. Be happy."

"Nothing to be happy about at the moment. No boyfriend. No best friend. Sorry about you and Jazz."

"Jasper will be fine. Now he can have Alice."

"What about you, Edward? Who is there for you?"

"Who is there for you, Bella?"

"Rose, Alice, Emm and Jazz. I will be OK"

"Good. Be happy"

"I will be, once I know you are"

"I am if you are"

"OK. Goodnight."

"Goodnight love"

I shut my phone off and rolled onto my side and dreamt of Bella, and her soft lips.


	5. Chapter 5

My New Best Friend

Chapter 5

Fitting In

My classes were all interesting and to some degree, I was able to cope with the distance between myself and Bella. She continued to text me every night so we had short, sweet conversations. She never mentioned Jake and I never asked. She was working part time in a Pizza shop but looking for something better and her texts always began with what aroma she smelt of after her shift.

"Pepperoni tonight."

"Yum. My fav."

"Applied for job as bar staff at new club."

"Good luck. "

"They need eight people. I wish you would come back, work with me again"

"Nah, but maybe there will be cute guys."

"We can share them. 50/50. You can have first pick"

Comments like that always jerked me back to reality. Bella still had no idea it was all a sham and a scam.

I had no idea how to tell her. A text was not the ideal way.

Of course, she will move on from Jacob and no doubt I will get the highlights of her life with her new man.

"Guess what, Jaz has given up men. He loves Alice"

"Great. I am happy for them"

"I guess he had the best and nobody else measures up"

"Unlikely"

"You are perfect, Edward"

"So imperfect you would be surprised" and probably horrified.

"No. I know you"

No you don't ,you have no idea of the real me.

"Got to go. Study calls."

"Goodnight Mr Perfect"

"Goodnight Beautiful Bella"

A web of deceit and lies. It lives on in my absence.

I have too much time on my hands. I don't want to get into the habit of going to bars like most of the students here. I fear drinking too much and telling someone the whole sorry story and it would go around campus like wildfire.

My neighbors are a nice quiet couple, Sam and Emily. Emily has taken me under her wing and often drops in with a hot meal she has cooked, or they invite me in to eat with them. I have not made many friends as yet. As usual, there are the obvious women who blatantly pursue me for sex, and I turn them down but they never see it as rejection just as a signal to try harder.

I am used to diving and ducking, avoiding their ambushes as I walk to class. I try to exude an aura of wanting to be alone, and hope they cross me off their lists and label me too dark and broody to be any fun. Emily pretends to flirt with me and if I do get cornered by some obnxious type, she always rescues me, coming up and declaring her ownership of me.

"Oh Edward, you naughty boy, are you chatting up this poor girl when you know I will have to take you home and punish you severely for that? Come along, come take it like a man."

I was grateful and played along as the downtrodden boyfriend but Emily was too well known for some of the students not to know she was with Sam and this was just a show.

"Damn greedy woman, bagged the two best lookers on campus. make up your mind which one you want to keep and toss me the loser. Either will do," snarked one scrawny blond, walking off in a huff. Emily and I laughed and ran to our next class. I was glad to have met her, she was a lot of fun and best of all, made no moves on me whatsoever. It wouldn't be the first time some so called taken woman tried to hit on me so I appreciated all the more that she was willing to be just my friend. I loved having a female best friend again. And no chance of any mix ups breaking us apart.

I realize the other situation was all my own fault and I should never have gone along with any of it, but how was I to know Bella would end up meaning so much to me? I wasn't looking for love, but love had found me nevertheless. My loss left me aching and hit me whenever I saw a devoted, happy couple together.

Emily and I did score some weird looks when we walked around campus hand in hand and would run into Sam and he would kiss her passionately while I stood there, still with her fingers intertwined in my own. I would wink at their shocked faces and play our games when Sam left.

"Emily, do you have to flaunt your other lovers in front of my face?"

"Oh Sam is such a cute little puppy dog. I can never pass up a chance to snog him."

"What about me?"

"Don't be jealous, Edward. We let you watch, don't we?"

Yes, Emily was quite the firecracker and she cared nothing about what anyone else thought of her.

I had fun with her and she filled my otherwise cold and empty world. I saw her as a sister, I guess.

Of course, Emily has a sister and I tremble with fear almost, waiting for the invitation to dinner and finding her there. I hope I have said enough for Emily to know that would not be anything I would want. Matchmakers need to leave me alone.

I already have my perfect match.

The few text messages each night are enough for me, all I can have and hope for, so I am always back here waiting. Bella usually texts around 2am, so no matter what, wherever I go, I am home by then, waiting.

"New place is a riot"

"Good. Any hunks?"

"One or two. None to your taste lol"

"I dont think you know my taste"

"OK none like Jaz"

"Any caught your eye?"

"Maybe"

"really..spill'

"Not yet too soon"

"Ok good luck"

"Made $90 in tips from one table"

"great"

"Only had ass pinched twice"

"$45 per pinch then"

"so worth it"

I hated that she worked with a bunch of drunken college boys always after her.

I spend far too much time sitting and brooding so I applied for several bar jobs and got myself a part time position in the bar Emily worked. This was convenient and we could walk home together and save Sam going to meet her. We both did the same shift, 7pm til 1am, so I took my phone and always hurried home to be in bed by the time Bella sent her first text. Emily knew something was going on, she teased me mercilessly when we had to work back and I would be nervous and agitating to get home as quickly as possible.

"If I didn't know better, I would say you had a night caller coming to visit."

"No, just a girl I know texts me at 2am each night."

"She special?"

"She is to me."

"You are not to her?"

Dammit. I trust Emily and before long, I crack and tell her everything.

"Don't bite my head off but when you first started here and I was always talking to you, I expected Sam to do the whole 'Alpha male my mate you stay away' bit, and when he didn't, I asked him why not. You know what he said?' Edward is so obviously gay.' So I dare say you had no trouble pretending."

I wasn't insulted. I grew up with Emmett's taunts all my life. Being the 'pretty' brother, the quiet one, the artistic, musical one who only joined the football team to show I could play men's sports, I was well used to people assuming I was gay. God know my life may well have been easier if I was.

"I want you to meet my sister."

Here we go.

"I really have no desire to date."

"Oh Edward, loosen up, have some fun."

"Fine. But don't expect me to propose. I have no desire to be your brother-in-law."

"What? Even after you tasted my goulash? Now come on, that was some meal."

"It was. Maybe I will consider living next door to you when we graduate just so you can keep feeding me."

"Okay well, dinner tomorrow night, seeing it's our night off. I will invite Sis and you can see what you think. She is in no hurry to tie the knot, just see if you and she can be friends. I am sure you will like her."

"I will do what I have to do to avoid starvation."

Bree proved to be as nice as Emily and we actually talked far into the night. I suddenly realized the time and had to flee. Text time.

My heart plummeted when the text arrived.

"I know. Drunken Jasper spilt the beans"

Shit. I should have manned up and told her myself.

"I'm truly sorry and ashamed." I replied.

"Good"

What more can I say to her?

"I can only apologize and hope you can forgive me"

"Goodbye"

"Bella, please, talk to me. Can I ring you? Please."

No answer,

I paced the floor.

I tried to ring her. Straight to voicemail.

I left a message and sat and waited.

Morning found me stiffly cramped in a chair, having fallen asleep waiting for her to reply.

Despite the set back, I still bolted home after my shift every night, amusing Emily no end until I updated her on the latest development.

"Edward, look at it this way. Now she knows you are not gay, she will gradually see you in a different light."

"She already does. She thought I was trustworthy and honest. Now she knows better."

"Now she knows you are a contender."

Was I?

Did she even know how I felt about her? I sent her a single text each night and they always went unanswered but it was my only link to her so I couldn't force myself to stop. They were alternately "I am sorry" and "I miss you". I wanted to declare the whole truth,"I love you" but I knew that would not go over well.

Bree and I hung out a bit, it helped having someone to talk to about Bella when Sam was demanding Emily's attention. One day Bree mentioned the name I despised and had never spoken, I had nicknamed him "The Dog" so I guess there was no clue what his name actually was.

Bree and Emily were talking in a most gossipy way as I walked passed them in the hallway, and the two words I heard were "Jacob Black."

I stopped in shock. I knew I had never told either of them his name.

"Jacob Black?" I queried.

"Yes, major hullabaloo going on at the Res where Sam lived. The big chief's son has just come out of the closet."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he is moving in with his boyfriend. I am surprised his father hasn't had a heart attack. I bet Sue is glad Harry is dead, now. He would never have accepted Seth being gay."

"Jacob is still with Seth?"

"You know these people?"

"Yeah. I used to work for Jake and I met Seth when I took Bella to Forks for Harry Clearwater's funeral."

"Shit. Is Jake...The Dog?"

"Um, yes."

"So he was using Bella as his cover."

"Yes."

"And you were her gay best friend?"

"yes."

"And now she hates men. Who could blame her. Poor cow.I didn't realize your Bella was Bells. I have met her. Her dad Charlie calls her Isabella. I didn't associate 'Bella' with her."

I guess I never mentioned her surname or Charlie to them.

"How is she?' I cannot stop myself from asking.

"No idea. She moved away a week or so ago."

"Where to?"

"Edward, I'm sorry, but I don't know."

I gave her a grimace of a smile and went to my room. Great. Now, not only is Bella not speaking to me, I have no idea where she lives.

I try hard to stop myself falling into a depression but often find the odd tear threatening to force it's way out of my eyelids.

Bree notices and tells me she has joined the local drama group and suggests I join too, seeing I can "cry on demand." I have no intention of playing any roles but I am interested in working behind the scenes so I go along with Bree and join . The group is rather well known and often broadcast their shows on the internal tv channel here at the University so I immediately want to be part of the filming team. It is fascinating and I catch on fast and long to be the main cameraman. Paul, who holds that title, trains me up as his replacement so I can step in any time he can't be there, or is too busy chasing skirt to turn up.

He is very much the playboy, a different girl every night unless he especially likes them, then he tends to disappear for days on end with them until he tires and comes back to the fold.

I cannot understand this way of life at all. He seems to think nothing of sleeping with girls, no attachment, it's like they are simply a form of sport for him. He loves the chase, and sometimes looks a little crestafllen when the prey he is after gives in too quickly. They always end up a one nighter. He likes a challenge and is jubilant when a girl he has chased for weeks or even months finally gives in to his charms but it's easy to notice, from that moment onwards he is looking for the next good thing.

Any girl, any type, Paul likes them all.

"Life's short, Edward. I could die tomorrow and leave all those pussies out there untouched. It's my duty to share myself with as many girls as I can have. And my Round the World quest still needs a girl from Scandinavia and one from Iceland. They are not thick on the ground here in New York. You need to scout them out for me, seeing you don't appear to be bagging any girls here yourself.

I knew the girl in the local ice cream parlor is from Scandinavia but I like her enough to not mention her to him. I often have a bit of a laugh and joke with her and if I hook her up with Paul and she hopes for something more, I fear she will spit in my ice cream in future.

The date for the next production is looming closer and still all the roles are not filled. Drama club doesn't seem to attract the numbers like many of the other clubs out there, mind you, most of the popular ones are based on drinking and chasing the opposite sex. Campus 'dating' clubs never lack members.

"We need more women. I can't believe how suddenly it's all guys into theater. You used to have to bribe male college students to try out for a role, now we have more than all he men we need, the male lead has three understudies for God's sake, and the female lead has none. And I am going to have to rewrite some of the parts and make them male if we don't get some new girls joining. Edward, you are our best looker, couldn't you encourage some of your girlfriends to try out?"

"Siobhan, if I had girlfriends, I would bring them to you. I love this group. Maybe I can chat to some of my fellow English majors and see if any will come along."

"Well thank you Edward. Listen up, the rest of you. Edward here is willing to sacrifice himself and try to attract some new blood, how about the rest of you do the same? Just next time you are chatting up a girl, mention the drama group."

"That should guarantee we won't get laid" laughed Jarrad.

"Acting is all about sacrifice. Sacrifice some action for the group. Come on , Jarrad, it's not like you have any shortage of willing sleeping partners. Just give us one of the next lot of potentials?" she begged.

"And we need a new screenwriter. If we make it into the festival this year, I need someone with better English skills than a certain person here possesses."

Everyone laughed, it was no secret Josh had problems spelling even the easy words. Often our scripts were so full of errors the actors lost the point of their speeches.

"Hey, I joined to meet ladies, not to write. Siobhan conned me into taking over this job. I never said I wrote good English."

"I know someone who just moved here who might take that on" said one of the girls whose name I was yet to learn.

Siobhan smiled broadly at this news.

"Oh, is she hot? Cos I totally need to train her to take over if she is hot" said Josh, making us all laugh again.

"Yes, she is pretty hot. Unfortunately she is really intelligent and won't fall for any of your bullshit, Josh."

Josh pouted.

"How about a gorgeous but extremely dumb blond" he said, earning a few smacks from the few blond girls we had.

Siobhan clapped her hands loudly.

"Yes, this is all very amusing but we need to do a run through. Oh, here's Paul. Edward, can you come help out and read the role of Annabel please?"

Several of the guys whistled as I walked on stage to take the script. Great. Annabel is sexy yet broken, and has a lot of touching girlie lines.

Brady, Annabel's love interest, has to gaze into my eyes and declare his undying love for me and he cracks up every time.

"What's the problem here, Brady?" demands Siobhan.

"It's Edward. He is pretty, I give you that, but he isn't my type. I like, you know, the ones with vagina's. And that hair, no girl would have that rat's nest of hair. I just can't get into it."

"Fine" said our mighty leader and plopped a white blond Marilyn Monroe style wig on my head.

"How about now? Act dumb, Edward. Brady is another fan of the dumb blond brigade."

The run through was over and we all headed to the coffee shop as usual.

"Tomorrow night, proper run through. No stopping. I think we have found our Annabel.."

I growled at her.

"No, relax, Edward, I didn't mean you. I called in a favor from an old member and she is willing to take the role, she has done it three times before so she will be here next week for full dress rehearsal. We only need you to fill in tomorrow night then you are done. You may regain your manhood at the door after tomorrow's run through."

I was glad to hear that. My idea of fun did not include passing myself off as a girl.

Bree and her friend Michelle decided seeing it was my last night as Annabel, that I should be in full costume even though nobody else was. Thus I walked on stage in a pink negligee and my blond wig.

Naturally the new scriptwriter was there and of course, she was none other than my Bella.

I felt the electricity in the air as she stood in front of me, stock still.

"Bella, this is Edward. He is being Annabel for tonight only. Edward, Bella Swan."

I tried not to catch her eye, blushing madly in my split to the waist dress, bright red rouge on my cheeks. Bella just looked at me for the longest time, then she burst into peals of laughter.

I shuttered and blushed, then gave up and joined her. How freaking perfect. I had dreamed many times of seeing her again, I just had never picked it being like this.


	6. Chapter 6

My New Best Friend

Chapter 6

The Lion And The Lamb

The rehearsal was completely embarrassing and I couldn't get into the role with Bella sitting in the front row, watching, talking quietly now and then as she made notes on the script. I just wanted it to be over, and finally I was in the dressing room shower, scrubbing make up off my face roughly, eager to speak to Bella before she left the building. We were heading to a bar and I wasn't sure if I was going along, it depended on what Bella did.

If she spoke to me at all, asked to talk, I would drop this lot like a shot and go somewhere quiet with her and tell her everything, and get down on my knees and beg for her forgiveness. I didn't know what else to do. Bree grabbed my arm and winked at me.

"Do you need me to pretend to be your date or anything? Would the old jealousy factor help move things along?"

"No, but thanks. Honesty is the key from this point on, I will never deceive Bella again, in any way, no matter how small. She will either forgive me or not. I am taking my cue from her."

The others had gone and I was disappointed to see Bella was no longer here either so I went along to the bar with Bree and scanned the room, looking for brunette hair with highlights of red . She was sitting with Siobhan and Paul and I had to stop myself from rushing over and challenging him. She wasn't mine, I couldn't keep her from him if that was what she chose but I hoped she would not be the next notch on his bedpost lest the bedpost itself collapse.

I had no idea what she had been doing these last few months, if she was taken, why she had transferred here, how long she was staying.

Bree sensed my mood and grabbed my arm.

"Slow down, Tiger. She will see Paul for what he is. She is no innocent lamb to the slaughter."

I suppressed a growl and hesitated, unsure of my next move.

Emily charged over and grabbed my other arm.

"No chickening out now, come on, surely she will at least have a drink with us."

We sat at the same table and Sam returned from the bar with the first round of drinks. Bella had something with orange juice. I had a beer, too nervous to allow myself to indulge in anything harder.

"So, Bella, we heard about Jake" said Emily, breaking the ice with the second most unwanted subject I could have hoped for.

"No surprise there. I think we all knew, I mean, most people can sense when they are friends with a gay man."

She avoided my gaze and I looked away and drank my beer. If only...

If only I had never participated in the whole ridiculous scam, if only I had known Jake was gay, if only I had been Bella's straight friend.

Too many if only's.

My eyes returned to her often, drinking her in, my mouth smiling unbidden when she smiled, laughing quietly when she laughed, it was like my other half of me was back. I wasn't game to address her myself but I hung on her every word. She and Emily discussed people they knew from Forks, and Sam danced with Bree, leaving me the spare wheel as always, feeling like some hanger on from the fringe of the outer circle.

Siobhan was impressed by Bella's ideas and was interested in changing the script, even at this late time, to incorporate some of her suggestions. Having the main scene of Annabel and her almost lover cut back would actually add more impact, she was right.

I bought the next round of drinks so I had to speak and ask Bella what she was drinking.

"Just an orange juice, thanks, I don't drink alcohol" she said, holding my gaze a little longer than necessary, then her eyes flicked back to Emily and I was dismissed.

I had a lot of ground to make up but at least she was here. Bree and Sam joined me at the bar and pulled out my wallet to pay.

"What do you want me to ask her?" said Bree, excitedly. She was my biggest fan and dearly wanted Bella and I together, bless her heart. Bree was a great believer in true love and destiny and fate and she was convinced we were soulmates and meant to be, even before she met Bella.

"I need to know if she is staying or just here on exchange or something."

"And if she has a boyfriend" added Bree.

"For sure. She is a looker, is our Isabella, I imagine the wolves descended as soon as Jake was out of the picture." said Sam.

I didn't want to think about that.

We carried the drinks back and I handed Bella her glass and our fingers touched for a second and the jolt between them made us both inhale sharply. It was still there.

"Thanks" she said and gave me a brief, small smile before returning her attention to Siobhan, who was eager to get Bella tied up with the next script, an original idea one of our cast had come up with but Josh had been unable to bring to life on paper with any success.

Bella seemed eager to start on revising it and had a few original thoughts we had not considered and the whole play suddenly looked a lot more promising than it had.

I knew she was clever and funny but that doesn't always translate to the written word so it was great, just knowing she would be involved and contributing and mostly, I would get to see her at rehearsals.

My gaze caught hers a few times through the night and I wished I could summon the courage to ask her to come outside so I could apologize in private. My stomach was in knots and my beer sat on the table, untouched except by my shaky hands as I pushed it away then drew it in closer, as the tension got the better of me.

Paul was chatting up a tall leggy blond, I was relieved to see. Bella was paying him no attention even when he came over and spoke to her, she merely gave him back the minimum amount of words needed in polite conversation.

"Well, I have to go, goodnight all" Bella said, glancing at her watch, then standing and heading for the door.

"Me too" I quickly added and raced behind her, in time to see her kiss a tall black haired man and get into his car. It was obviously pre arranged and my heart sank.

I walked home in a funk and wondered why she was here, I had allowed a tiny bit of my heart to hope she had followed me here, but it seemed I was being overly optimistic and presumptuous.

Night dragged and I finally fell asleep not long before dawn and was woken by my alarm.

I lay in bed for a few minutes, thinking about yesterday. The joy of seeing Bella again, the fear of speaking to her intimately as we needed to, the pain of seeing her kiss another man.

Who was he? Friend? Fellow student? Study buddy? She hadn't invited him in to join us all for a drink. Maybe he was nobody important. Who got to kiss her. I envied him so much.

Classes were tense as I waited to see each time if she would walk into the same lecture I was at. Then the disappointment when she didn't would hang around for most of that class, then new hope would be born as I raced to my next one.

She walked in to my Creative Expression class and my lips lit up in a smile as I watched her scan the room for a seat. The class was always full, and I had kept the seat beside mine empty by placing my books on it when I first walked in, ahead of the other students.

I moved my books from the space beside me and tried to catch her eyes. She looked at me and bit her lip when our eyes collided, then she dropped them to the ground and walked up and sat down silently. I felt jubilant, I could smell her scent, see her face, be almost touching. She dropped her long brown locks between us, effectively shutting me out.

I grabbed my notes , tore off a blank page and scribbled her a few words and slid it over. She sighed deeply and took the note and looked at the front of the room, reluctant to read my words.

"I am so sorry, about everything. I missed you so much. I hope one day you can forgive me."

She read them and looked at me. I gazed into those warm chocolate pools and saw her walls up, keeping me out, holding me at a distance.

"I am only here temporarily, on exchange."

I had figured as much. I never had a lot of good luck, so why would that change now?

"How long?"

"A few months" she wrote back.

I had to fix this in the short window of time allowed.

"Can we talk? Can I buy you a coffee after class? Please?"

"I have plans."

Of course she did.

I had to work tonight, as usual.

"Maybe tomorrow after class?"

"Maybe."

Yes, I had a maybe, much better than a NO.

"Thank you"

She took the note and put it in her bag and concentrated on the lecturer at the front, taking notes, putting a pair of green and red framed reading glasses on. They suited her, and were decorated with a few tiny red ladybugs, one on the front and three on each arm of the frames. So Bella.

My body hummed at her being this close for over an hour and I spent most of the lesson glancing her way, trying to see her face through the curtain of mahogany.

As desperate as I was to talk to her, what would I say? What words would undo the harm I had done?

I needed a plan before we met tomorrow after class. Bella was packed up and gone the second the class was over and she was met at the door by the same man as last night.

She kissed him but looked around self consciously and flicked her eyes away from the brief contact they made with mine. He took her bag and put it over his shoulder and held her hand. Bella looked confused, undecided, as she looked at their intertwined fingers then she shrugged and left her little hand in his much larger one and they walked towards the car park.

I walked along a few yards behind, casually watching, seeing them get into the same sportscar from the bar carpark.

He was tall and built, and had some Native American blood but not full blood. His features were more Caucasian, and his eyes a startling bright blue, looking awesome in contrast with his tan skin and jet black hair, I reluctantly admitted to myself. He was very good looking indeed and my looks suddenly seemed lesser. I had never been out prettied before, it was disturbing.

Not that Bella was shallow enough to choose him over me because he was the better looking. No, she had plenty of other reasons to make that choice, I thought grumpily.

They drove away, Bella not looking my way again.

"Give up or man up" said a voice at my side, and I half grinned at how transparent I was being.

Sam clapped me on the shoulder.

"You have a fight on your hands. I have been talking to Seth. Bella and Benjamin became an item recently and it's become a big thing in a short time. He got sent here on transfer and she agitated to come with him so much, the college gave in and allowed her to accompany him."

So, she definitely wasn't here for me then.

I knew as much but my damned heart would never give up and it was always building mountains out of very small molehills.

"Mine"

I hadn't meant to say anything, and I felt like a fool when the word left my mouth.

"You fight for her, then" said Sam, as Emily ran up and leaned in to kiss her husbands lips.

"Hi Edward. Did you catch up to Bella last night?"

"Benjamin was waiting for her in the car park" answered Sam, he seemed to know everything.

I slumped my shoulders and walked to my car, tossing my bag on the back seat. Sam and Emily waved and headed for their own car and I brooded for a while after they drove away.

Bree ran up and hopped in with no warning, having dragged her lips from the lips of a skinny blond guy who waved and climbed on a Harley.

"I need to break the news slowly, not arrive home on the back of his bike first day" she explained to the unasked question.

I drove in silence. I hate being in this position. She was taken, by her own free will, her choice. What right did I have to even attempt to rock the boat if he was already what she wanted? Did I even have the power to come between them? Would I even try? I would hate anyone to do that to me, if I were with her. Having her having to choose between me and another man was never my plan. Maybe I should stay away? Let her go. Let him have her.

"Mine" escaped once again from my lips.

"You do have it bad and you have a battle on your hands. Benjamin is cool, and he is serious about her. Did you see his tattoo?"

"No" I growled.

"La vita e Bella"

"Life is beautiful" I translated.

"Yeah but he got the capital B on the bella."

"Yeah" I grumbled darkly. Still, he could live with that phrase and not have to have it lasered off if they didn't last. That was a tiny comfort.

I drove straight to a tattoo parlor and sat down, waiting my turn. I debated with myself. "Bella"..too obvious, and a constant reminder if I never won her over.

I sat and grimaced as the artist scratched the words on my back.

_Meglio un giorno come un leone rispetto a un centinaio come un agnello_

_**Better a day as a lion than a hundred as a lamb**_

I hoped Bella would appreciate the spirit it was written in.

I will fight for her and the best way I know how. I will try and become her best friend and hopefully she herself will start to see me as more.

x~x~x~x~x~x

Work was busy and my back stung and ached a little now and then, when I turned a certain way or lifted anything heavy. The crowd was noisy and thirsty and we were run off our feet. It may have been some time before I even realized Bella and Benjamin were amongst our patrons.

"A beer and an orange juice" he ordered, then he bent and kissed her. She blushed and turned away, towards the dancefloor.

"Bathroom" she said and left his side.

"Okay, a double shot of vodka in the oj" he smirked after she left.

I growled.

"Come on. She needs to loosen up a bit. She has been so uptight ever since she got back from class today."

Good. Uptight Bella is good. Less likely to fall for his charms.

"The customer is always right" he said tightly.

I turned my back to him and poured a double shot of pure, unadulterated water into the measure and spun back, adding it to the juice.

"These are on me. In fact, let me serve you all night and the drinks are on the house."

"Well, thank you, buddy. Nice of you to do that. Let me know if your car ever needs servicing, I can get you mates rates off my brother."

He flicked a card at me and I put it in my pocket, smiling at him.

He took his drinks and I watched him encourage Bella to drink up when she returned to the table.

I grabbed an empty vodka bottle from the box beneath the bar and went into the backroom, rinsing it thoroughly and filling it with water. Yeah, buddy, the game begins.

They set a pattern, dancing to two songs then collecting more drinks, then leaving their empties on the bar. I made them round after round, dropping my own money into the till each time.

Benjamin seemed to be getting more than a little drunk and Bella was as sober as a judge. I smirked as he encouraged me to pour a little extra 'vodka', clearly puzzled she was tolerating so much alcohol.

"Last drinks, I have to cut you off now buddy" I warned.

"I'm not drunk. I am way better driving when I have had a few drinks, in fact"

Of course you are. I will be taking your car keys tonight.

Bella came over and I smiled at her.

"Benjamin here is in no fit state to drive. Would you like me to call a cab?" I offered.

"Damn, we came in his car and I can't drive a manual" she replied.

"Drive her home, we can manage from now on, it's winding down anyway" piped up Emily.

I kissed her cheek.

"Thank you."

I helped Bella assist Benjamin to his car and tossed him in the small backseat. Bella had no choice but to sit up front with me. This model had a ridiculously tiny backseat but at least it meant he couldn't lure Bella back there.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Eclipse Towers."

I nodded and started the engine. Benjamin was singing loudly and out of tune in the back.

"So, how have you been?" I asked.

"Fine. Eventually."

"Bella, I am truly sorry. I went along with Emmett's stupid plan and then things got complicated and I didn't know how to right them again."

"I know. Jasper and Alice explained all."

"I am so sorry."

"Yes, well at least you got to see me naked, on quite a few occasions. I hope that made the whole thing worth it" she said harshly.

"I'm sorry" I repeated, but actually, seeing her naked had been a big compensation.

"Can you forgive me? I miss being your best friend" I told her honestly. Being her best friend had been the time of my life.

"We shall see."

"How are things going with Benjamin?" I asked, keeping my voice light and nonchalant.

"I think he planned tonight being The Night he finally got to take my virginity. Don't think that will be happening."

Benjamin snored and tried to roll but was wedged in tight.

My heart beamed at knowing she was still a virgin.

We managed to manhandle the sleeping boyfriend up to their apartment. Bella showed me around, typical off campus digs, sitting room with kitchen in the corner, a small table with 2 chairs, sofa, tv, playstation, two bedrooms with their own bathrooms.

Bella's room shone with it's purple drapes and bed linen. His room was dull grey's, like the overcast skies of Forks. Maybe he misses home.

"Thank you for driving us home."

"You are welcome, Bella. I mean it, I want to be your friend again."

"How are you getting home?" she asked.

"I will call a cab."

"Stay with me tonight? I missed you.I just want to catch up" she hurriedly added, in case I was getting any ideas.

I smiled and headed for her bathroom. My clothes hit the floor in record time and I slid into the bed. Bella had changed into a pair of silky pale blue pajamas. I longed to touch them, well, touch her, but I stayed chastely on my side of the king sized bed.

Bella lay there, looking at me.

"I can understand how things got crazy out of hand. I just wish I had known it was a scam. I wouldn't have outed you."

"Outed me?"

"As straight."

We both laughed at how ridiculous the whole thing was.

She slid closer.

"I loved sleeping in your arms. I have not slept well since you left" she admitted shyly.

I pulled her close, as she turned away so I could spoon her back close to my front.

My southern regions awoke after the long hibernation so I kept some distance between us down that end.

Bella sighed and snuggled in closer and I held my breath as she turned out the bedside light and rubbed her backside against me.

"Do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Have sex with me"

"What!" I thundered.

"I just want this damn virginity thing over. Jake was going to do it , look how that worked out. Benjamin changes his mind constantly, scared it will mean more to me than to him. He doesn't want me assuming now means forever. I trust you. And seeing you aren't gay and all..."

"You want me to prove it?" I asked, puzzled.

"No, I want you to make this the best night of my life so far and then..."

I cut her off by plastering my lips to hers and kissing her long and hard.

Long and hard.

Other parts of me fitted that description.

I wanted this. I didn't want common sense or circumstances to nag some reason into my brain. I have loved her for so long and my constant fear is someone else will take her first. I have no inkling of what she was going to say and I don't want to hear it.

'and then I will leave him for you'..'and then forget the whole thing happened'...'and then I will love you as much as you love me'...who knows?

I pushed my hands under her silky top and felt her nipples harden at my touch. I felt the fabric rip so I finished the job and tore it away from her body.

'Stop. This is wrong' warned my inner self.

'Shut the fuck up' I answered it silently, and moved one hand between her legs, which she opened eagerly, her panties were scratching against my hand so they had to go. The fabric was flimsy and offered no resistance.

She felt so soft and warm and wet, God, so wet, I had made her like this?

I stroked her folds and breathed her in.

Her hand reached down for my eager erection and she began stroking it gently. I felt my hips buckle towards her hand and hoped I would last long enough to get inside her at least.

"Do it quickly" she gasped, as my fingers entered her, priming her, getting her used to what would soon enter this space. She didn't flinch, even when I used three fingers together to stretch her tight pussy.

I situated myself above her and took her hand off me and took mine from inside her, sliding myself in slowly until I hit the barrier.

"Shhh!" I soothed as she let out a little gasp.I soothed her hair away from her face so we could keep eye contact and I could judge how she was feeling.

Her eyes were wide but it looked like more with lust than pain.

I eased past the obstruction and gritted my teeth as I felt her tear and let me in further.

She smiled but a few small tears escaped. I stilled and clasped her close to my body.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No" she said with a quivering voice.

I rocked her against me, and slid in further when she relaxed.

Completely inside Bella. Where I always dreamed of being but had almost given up hope of ever achieving.

I kissed her gently and with all the love in my heart and started rocking myself in and almost out, and she started to follow my lead and press herself against me each time I plunged back inside.

I had never done this before but it seemed pretty instinctual, natural.

She rocked and swayed against me and I felt myself getting way too involved too quickly so I slowed down and forced my thoughts onto other things, not where I was, what I was doing.

I felt Bella's hands reach up and stroke my chest. Her fingers found my nipples and she suddenly grabbed onto them and squeezed me hard, and the shock jolted straight to my penis. The pain made me harden further than I had thought possible and I pushed myself frantically in and out of her, seeking release, as the pain made me throb with need and desperation.

"God, Bella..."

I reached down and fingered her clit and had her gasping along with me as I slammed inside her.

This was not how I had imagined our first time. I had pictured rose petals and pink lights and romantic music and a bottle of fine wine...Bella in a white flowing gown...not lying naked with her blue silky clothes ripped from her body like some animal was taking her.

And she was going to hurt in the morning but that didn't seem to occur to her as she bucked and met my thrusts with just as much fervor.

I started to shake and she hissed and stilled against me. I felt her heartbeat against my torso as it raced to pound out of her quivering body and her walls shook and grasped onto me, tight, hard, relentless. I followed her quickly, my orgasm so strong I feared I would tear her inside as my body released into hers.

She moaned and pushed closer and the aftershocks her body quaked with matched my own. Would it ever end?

We started to rock slowly again and I felt myself harden immediately. This may be the only time you have this honor, reminded my brain.

Haven't you done enough already? asked my inner self.

Bella was sliding herself against me so I let her lead the way and this time, it was slower and more gentle but the explosion at the end was just as strong and it left me shattered and breathless and I had to roll away, pull out of her, trying to breath again.

She whimpered a little as I left her warmth, so I pulled her close and kissed her face, her hair, her cheek.

"That was amazing" I gasped, honestly amazed it could be like this from the very first time. I had imagined losing my virginity in a stumbling, awkward, unsatisfying way, not this bed of passion and heat.

Bella suddenly lowered her hands to her core and when she raised them again, the shock of seeing the blood made me cringe. So much blood. I had thought maybe a few specks? What would I know? She rose and made her way into the bathroom and I tossed the covers back and saw the large red stain on her sheets.

Shit. I did that to her.

Walking in behind her, I rubbed her shoulders and stood close while she started the water in the shower and we got in together and I washed the blood from her inner thighs and her no longer secret places. She closed her eyes and let me wash away the result of our frantic tryst and then I turned her and washed her hair with the sweet smelling shampoo. She seemed calm and happy, her lips pursed in a small smile. I hope it wasn't too tender down there.

Rinsing her off, I turned the water off and wrapped her in several towels and led her back to the bed. She gasped when she saw the stain.

I ripped the spoiled sheet from the bed and dropped it on the bathroom floor, and sat beside her, rubbing her body then her hair dry.

She picked up the remnants of her night attire and held them out to me.

"It appears you owe me a new set of lingerie, Edward."

I laughed and kissed her lips.

"I will buy you an entire store full of lingerie" I promised and kissed her again.

"I love you, Bella" my lips said before my brain could stop it.

"You...love me?" she gasped.

"Of course I love you" I replied, hurt she hadn't known already.

"That wasn't part of the deal" she said,"Please don't complicate this"

"What do you mean?"

"I just needed you to take my damn virginity as my friend, nothing more."

"No" I whispered, feeling something break inside my chest.

"No, I love you" I cupped her face in my hands and gazed into her eyes.

"I just made love to you, I took your virginity, your greatest gift. Not as your friend, Bella, as your lover. And you took mine."

"You were a virgin?" she asked.

"I waited for the right girl" I replied, holding her hands in mine.

She stood and shook herself free of me.

"How did this get so complicated? I just wanted you to do me a favor. I am trying to see if Benjamin and I can be something...I didn't expect you to want anything more from me than this night."

"I want all of you, forever" Why not? She knew it all anyway.

"Edward, I am not ready for this, for us. I am so sorry. I chose you because we have been friends for so long and I figured better a friend than someone who will take it all too seriously. It was just sex, Edward."

"No"..I shook my head and lowered it into my hands, tearing at my hair.

"You don't mean that, Bella. We made love."

"You made love" she replied.

No, my head exploded. WE made love. She loved me too. She had to.

"Sorry" she said and she sat against the headboard of her bed, playing with the cord tht held her pink fluffy robe shut.

"I had better go" I murmured, unable to believe what happened here.

I pulled my jeans on, not caring where my boxers lay. I found my back button shirt but not my vintage tshirt.

Dressed, I almost ran towards the door and the cold night air sobered my mind somewhat.

"It was just sex, Edward" echoed around and around in my head as I started running home, trying to outpace the voice.


	7. Chapter 7

**~Thank you for reading and reviewing, I wrote 3 chapters yesterday so you will get another tomorrow even tho it will be Saturday here and I am off to see Eclipse at 10am~**

My New Best Friend

Chapter 7

Who You Gonna Call?

"Do you ever get the feeling your relationship with Bella is the opposite from most? Shouldn't it be her sitting at home, crying over giving herself to the wrong guy, realizing her gift was taken thoughtlessly and with no feelings or emotions?'

"Bree, for goodness sake. Edward feels bad enough. Don't rub it in." Emily chided.

"Well, come on, it was only sex. I don't know why some people have to make such a song and dance about it. What did you expect? You are not her boyfriend, Benjamin is. You have not ever been anything more than her best friend. She asked you for a favor, so she likes and trusts you. Did you expect a marriage proposal, for her to make an honest man out of you? What century were you born in again? The 1800's? Friends sleep together all the time nowadays. It's called friends with benefits. Fuckbuddies. Get over yourself. Maybe she will let you visit again if you haven't completely freaked her out."

"Okay Bree, go to class. Edward needs support not ridicule. Tell Professor Masen that Edward and I won't be in classes today, please."

I stood and headed for my apartment but Emily grabbed my shoulder and stopped me.

"Where are you going and why?"

"I need to have another shower."

"Edward, stop this. You were in the shower for hours last night and again this morning. You can't wash away what happened. You need to come to terms with it. Can't you put it in the 'mistakes I have made' basket and leave it there?"

"I love her. I fucking love her, with all my heart and soul for God's sake. I cannot believe she used me. She doesn't love me at all." I admitted, the truth was hard to think, let alone speak.

"I am going home. I ran here to get away from her and my mistakes, but they followed me here. I want to have Emmett and Jasper and my parents to help me through this. I am not your responsibility, Emily. But thank you."

"Running away again? Seriously? Did you learn nothing? That didn't work for you last time."

"I'm running home this time, not away" I grumbled, and went to my apartment to pack up everything I had brought with me.

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

SeattleU proved to be very helpful and immediately transferred me back to my former classes, and I was happy to at least be back amongst people I had known all my life. Rose and Emmett were surprised to see me back, alone, and I think they assumed I had run home because Bella was with Benjamin so I let that assumption stay. Alice looked at me quizzically and I knew she knew or suspected more, maybe even the truth. Jasper was just concerned because he couldn't show me any signs of affection in public in case anyone thought we were 'back on'.

"You can stay in our old apartment" offered Alice. The thought of being in the place I had cuddled in bed at night with Bella was both Heaven and Hell. I had loved my nights with her here, so maybe I should accept.

"Officially Rose and I still live there but we never go back except to grab more clothes."

"Speak for yourself" said Rose"I have moved every single thing I own into Emmett's room. You can have my room with my best wishes."

"Thanks Rose."

"I never sleep there" said Alice." I suppose I should pack up whatever is left there and bring it to Jaspers. Makes sense. Then you can have the whole apartment to yourself, Edward."

That was what I needed, a place of my own. A refuge. A place to be alone and work through my thoughts and issues.

I agreed to take over the lease and went to Housing to sign the papers, with Alice and Rose. Of course, the woman who stood in the office was my old friend Angela Webber and she looked down at me as I entered with the girls.

We explained the situation and she smirked as she changed the girl's apartment to my name and added them to Jasper and Emmett's lease. At least I don't have to live with two perfect couples. I am glad my brother and best friend have found their soulmates but why can't life ever be that easy for me, too?

I debated over and over whether to sleep in Bella and Alice's old bedroom, with it's large and small beds, or whether to sleep in Rose's room which simply had one large bed and a walk in robe. Practicality won out and I chose her room. Hanging up my clothes, I tried to push the memories of my night with Bella out of my head but it crept back in as I lay in bed that night.

Why?

Why did I agree to sleep with her without making sure she had feelings for me first?

Why didn't she love me? Was I such a terrible person she couldn't even give us a chance?

We could be so good together.

I guess when I think back, she had never indicated in any way that she did have feelings for me. Even that time she was complaining about me being gay and saying I could have been perfect for her, she had never said she liked me. In any way other than the normal way one likes a friend.

I gave up trying to sleep and walked over to the Music Department. There were no night classes tonight but the building was still unlocked so I sat at their grand piano and allowed myself a pity party.

I borrowed Trent Reznor's Nine Inch Nails song, caressing the notes out and singing along, "I just want something I can never have." I don't know what loss Trent was writing about, but surely it was a woman."Gray would be the color, if I had a heart." I was left almost in mourning. Shit. What was I now? A girl? A broken hearted mess? A fool who convinced himself of something that didn't even exist?"I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself."

I was, I was scared this would be the only thing I ever wanted, she would be the only girl for me and I would never have her.

I played the song over and over until the janitor came in and told me to leave so he could lock up and go home.

I walked down the lonely road and wondered how to let go.

What is that saying? 'If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours, if they don't, they never were.'

I guess I already know she was never mine but why did it feel like she was?

Why do I have all these feelings and longings in my heart if she doesn't want me? It makes no sense. It's just a waste. Men are accused of having lesser emotions and feelings than women, but that simply isn't true. Not for me, anyway.

I have to express myself some way and the next day finds me in another tattoo artist's chair. Left side of my chest, right above my heart.

_For it was not into my ear you whispered, but my into my heart. It was not my lips that you kissed, but my soul._

Yes, Edward, way to let go.

"The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have" says my tattooist."Want that written somewhere?"

"No, because I will have her, someday" I answer.

I hope he believes me more than I believe myself at this moment.

I have to stop getting myself tattooed everytime I get in a funk. I will buy myself a diary and write something to Bella each day. She may never read them, but they will be from my heart and I will feel better just seeing them in print.

The next day I buy a leather bound diary and it's such a beautiful book, I am almost afraid to sully it with words.

Dear Bella, I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel - like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart - locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know. Love Edward.

Somehow I feel better, like I have spoken to her myself.

I put the book down on my bedside table and pledge to myself, I will write to her each morning.

I am in a better mood as a result and the day goes well as I navigate my way back around this college I have been at before. It feels like home, in a way. I should never have gone, never have run. If I had confessed and waited it out, she may have turned to me.

Not Benjamin says that pesky voice.

I can't help wondering how she is.

Bree sends me a text each day. Emily does too but hers are like a text from a mother, full of concern and pity. I can't cope with those so I just answer briefly that I am okay and coping.

Bree's texts are very different.

"Guess who fliched when she sat down in class today? You must have banged her good and proper if she can still feel you inside her."

I cringe. Did I hurt her? The blood...

I decide to ask Alice and Rose about the normal amount of blood from taking a virgin.

Alice is full of sympathy and a little like Emily, always trying to cheer me up.

Rose is less concerned. She throws me lines like 'plenty more fish in the sea' and tells me to get over it. She has known Bella all her life and is convinced nothing will come of us.

"If Bella wanted you, you would be currently back in NY packing up Benjamin's possessions and calling him a cab and she would kiss him good bye and never look back. Seems like it was you she kissed goodbye. Move on. Bella doesn't pretend, she either has feelings or she doesn't. She never lied to you." Her eyebrows are creased in a way that tells me, I lied to her.

I know I did.

That's not the point. That is all in the past.I decide Alice is my best bet. She agrees to meet me for coffee and soon I am asking her what I need to know and she looks at me closely.

"You slept with Bella? You took her virginity? I thought you came back because you didn't like seeing her with Benjamin. I wondered why you didn't stay and fight. There's more to this than you have let on."

"I did, she asked me to. Benjamin was passed out drunk in his bedroom, across the hall. She asked me to deflower her. It's just the blood, there was a lot. On the sheets, on her legs."

"Was she still bleeding after?"

"No."

"Then it's alright. Bella has never had much activity inside that area if you know what I mean. Jake and she...kept it to outer areas."

I cringe at the knowledge he has tasted her and I never got to. I pity me.

"Edward, you slept with her then left? What the hell were you thinking?"

"She didn't want me, Alice. I thought..I was confused. I thought she loved me and that was why she wanted me to do that. It never occurred to me she really just wanted that cleared out of the way. It meant everything to me and nothing to her."

"Nothing? Most girls have some feelings for their first, are you sure?"

"She told me not to complicate things...that it was just sex."

"Her exact words?"

"It was just sex, Edward."

"Ouch."

"Yes, ouch indeed. I told her I loved her."

"Was she your first virgin?"

"She was my first anything. I have never slept with another girl."

"Edward. I am so sorry. You really put your heart out there, didn't you?"

"Yes, clearly I am an idiot."

"No, you are just a boy in love."

"Seems little point in love if it hurts this much."

"Edward, don't go and screw every willing girl here just to prove a point. Please. It won't work and you will hate yourself."

"I know. I have no intention of ever sleeping with another girl. This pain is not worth it."

Alice held my hand and when Jasper joined us, he patted my hand in comfort then remembered, and swiftly looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

"Shit, Edward, I forgot."

Alice and I laughed, he looked so panic stricken. Angela and Ben walked in and she gave us a practiced fake smile and hurriedly made for the table furthest from where we sat. Ben walked over, grinning.

"Hey, guys, you two...three..back together? I heard you left and Jasper got with Alice and now you are back."

"Back but not back with Jasper. It was more an experimental phase we were going through. Over it now."

"What? Now you what, like girls?"

"Yeah."

"And you too, Jasper?"

Jasper held Alice's hand up and kissed it.

"I love Alice. With all my heart and soul. I was wrong about the other stuff. It was just the confused mind of a late bloomer."

Ben is clearly impressed.

"I never knew you guys could change, you know? I figured, once a gay, always a gay. That's good news, must give hope to a lot of parents out there, dealing with kids who choose to be with their own gender."

"I don't think it's a matter of choice, Ben. Edward and I have been good friends all our lives and we just didn't look past ourselves. We love each other like brothers. It just took meeting Alice to find out where my heart and my orientation lay. I was not gay at all, it seems, merely confused. Family issues, weird situations, you understand?"

Ben nods enthusiastically, even though he has no idea what Jasper said.

"Sure, man. Well good luck. And well done, Alice! You brought him back from the dark side."

We all burst into laughter at Ben's earnest face.

"That's me, Alice Brandon, gay buster." said the pixie like girl on Jasper's lap.

x~x~x~x~x~x~x

My spare time is spent writing lyrics and playing my guitar. I consider getting a part time job but knowing my parents like to throw money my way again, now I am back, means I would be taking a job from some student who needed it. To fill in my time, I am thinking about something Bree said, about finding a drama group here. I enjoyed my time with Siobhan and the students who gravitated towards her. The only group I can find is run by a man, and he seems quite keen to have me join.

"We need more women. You got a girlfriend? Course you have, pretty thing like you. Can you bring her along? Promise her a bit of the old you know what afterwards, she will be in it."

"I don't actually have a girlfriend at the moment" I confess. Never had one. Never came close, as it worked out.

"But you look like a man who has suffered, is suffering. Unrequited love?" he questions, reading me like a book.

"True." I admit.

"Well, good. I mean, sad for you, good for us. Use it, use the emotions. We need a handsome lead."

"I was thinking of more behind the scenes?"

"Rubbish. We use the ugly boys behind the scenes. You and your looks will be the best thing that has happened to this group. Now, I want you to come along every Tuesday and Thursday nights, with a new girl each time. Give them a chance to see what we do, maybe some of them will stick around and join us."

I promise to do what I can. First night is easy. Alice is excited and already wants to join before we get there.

"Let him think I talked you into it, please." I ask her.

"Fine. I will be all snooty and pretend it's below me and you shall convince me to give it a try."

It sounds like a plan but she squeals the minute she sees John in his baggy trousers and black cardigan and beret perched on his head.

"You are adorable. I am going to love this group" she shrieked, jumping around, clapping her hands.

"Nice way to act aloof and undecided, thanks, Alice."

"Sorry, Edward, but John is so cute. Very French. He must have been French in another life. Francois. Don't you think his name was?"

"Sure, Alice."

In no time, she has taken over and is playing faithful hound to her master, and she anticipates John's every need, bringing him coffee before we actually take a break, warning the clingier girls back. John needs his space.

He is at least sixty so Jasper need have no worries he will steal her away but Alice is clearly in adoration of her new mentor. The rest of the week, we all get sick of hearing what John said.

No matter what we talk about, Alice brings up John's opinion of that subject. John approves of travel, learning foreign languages, investing in real estate, and wearing mainly black clothing. John hates eggs and any food containing them, neon colors, early mornings, and french fries. So much more than I ever wanted to know about him. What she doesn't know, she questions.

"What would John think of this?"

Jasper starts to moan every time she brings the J name up.

"If she comes home with WWJD tattooed anywhere, I shall scream."

"Clearly, Alice has deep seated issues from never knowing her own father. She is using John to fill that gap in her life" says Rose, like it is so obvious we should have all seen it. Rose is intrigued enough to be my 'date' on Thursday and we walk in together. Every eye is turned her way. Several of the males who had talked about leaving the group at the end of this term are signing up again, John could have asked them for their souls and they still would have signed.

Rose looks over the girls and dismisses them all as far less attractive than she is herself.

"I will join if I get every female leading role" she tells John over coffee and he agrees, desperate to get a looker like Rose in his plays. Now it seems I will be Romeo to Rose's Juliet.

"Thank God you turned up, my dear Rosalie, I was worried how plain Juliet would look beside Romeo here, but now you will steal the heart of every man in the audience, they will barely notice Edward."

"The women will" says Rose, like she is frustrated she can't have every single heart in the room for herself.

"Oh yes, the women will. They won't like you at all, Rosalie, you are too beautiful to ever be friends with other women. They would all be scared you would steal their husbands, just because you could."

Rose is loving the attention and compliments so now I have found him two girls in one week.

"I think I am in love, Edward" he says when I help clean up before we leave at the end of the night. Alice is measuring everyone for costumes and telling them what their favorite color to wear, should be. Rose is lounging on a chair, checking her nails for chips. She is aware the men are all watching her so she throws them a scrap now and then, sitting back pushing her rack out, holding her hands above her head, stretching and faking a yawn that sounds more like a kitten's purr. There is not a man here apart from myself, who will not be using these images for shower time tonight. Rose brushes an imaginary crumb from her breast and several men hastily sit down to cover the reaction's in their pants as she strokes over her nipple area. She is drunk on her own power. Rose has found her perfect setting.

I don't get it. Really, her beauty is kind of overblown and obvious, her figure too perfect, her manner too haughty. She is eons away from my ideal woman. Warm brown eyes and red sun streaked hair fills my mind, a soft body that allowed me a single visit. No, she cannot invade my space here. I lock her away.

The next week we have seventeen new members, all male. Word has gotten around. Rose wears dresses that reveal her figure in great detail. Emmett has come along, feeling he may need to be her bodyguard and John has grabbed him to do the heavy lifting of scenery and props.

"We must do Atlas, or Hercules, he is perfect" he mutters. Emmett laughs.

"I am not dressing up pretending to be someone else. I am just here to make sure nobody tries to take liberties with my Rosie."

"Fair enough" says John, his hopes in that direction instantly crushed. He seems torn, between being glad he has a new man able to lift a bus, probably, and losing his imagined connection with Rose. She of course, kids him on and flirts with him all night again, in spite of Emmett's presence. Emmett is completely unfazed by her behavior. He is secure in Rose's love for him and he knows no man will ever come between them. Lucky him.

"Edward, keep that sad face for when you discover Juliet seemingly dead. The look is perfect" says John.

"Emo Edward" snickers Emmett."He has had that look perfected for years. He just needs some black clothes and a blade."

"Emmett, your brother has a beautiful soul. It's not just his outside than is perfect. He is a truly deep and loving person. He will make every member of the audience want to die with him when he cries over his bride and takes his own life."

"Not me" says Emmett confidently.

"You know Rose is Juliet." John reminds him.

"Shit, I will be crying louder than Edward, then." Emm admits.

We head of to a bar and spend an hour discussing the minor roles and who should take them. Some of the new males who joined tonight actually seem to have talent so quickly the better roles are decided.

Jasper meets us as we are walking home and pulls Alice to his side.

"I missed you. It's like the stars all disappear when you aren't with me."

We have stars? I haven't noticed a single star since I got back. Maybe Jasper is right. Maybe the stars disappear when you are seperated from the one you love.

My entry in my diary the next day sums up my feelings as the dawn brings in anew day, without my love by my side.

Dear Bella,I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. Love Edward.

I live for the day she is in the same room as me and smiles at me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sincere thanks to everyone reading, I apologize for not answering any reviews, Edward has been dictating this non stop, I wrote down the last three chapters in one day.**

My New Best Friend

Chapter 8

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder.

I awoke in a horrible mood, shaken to the core by my dream which I can't recall but I know it was bad. Gradually bits drift back. Bella and I are in a deep green forest and she is leaving me. I try to stop her but she smiles and says it's time and she has to go.

Go where?

I have a feeling something has happened in the months since I saw her. My diary is full of quotes and daily thoughts and feelings and one thing keeps echoing in my brain but I don't know if I thought it myself or heard it somewhere but it hangs in there stubbornly until I reluctantly write it down.

Dear Bella,Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes .Love Edward.

Do I believe this?

Class does nothing to improve my mood. We are given a lecture on David Harkins and when the Professor hands out the quotes to us each , to study and analyse and write a page on, I get the saddest quote I have ever read and it affects my mood even more. She was saying Goodbye, she wasn't dying, I assure myself. Why did she leave it this long to come and say goodbye to me, my inner self argues.

"You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

I growl and wish I had been given something more uplifting and I fight with the feeling something is wrong all day. By the time 2pm rolls around, I give up and skip my last class and head for home. My hands are shaking and I can't control my morbid thoughts.

Something's wrong. Something's wrong.

I grab my phone and ring Emily but she must be in class and I get bounced to voicemail. I try Bree's number, and she answers, her voice gravelly, her breathing loud and heavy.

"Bree? Is this a bad time?"

"God, Edward. This is a bad time for a phone call but a good time for other things."

So, she is not alone.

"Harley boy?"I question.

"Yep, and he has something else just as amazing between his legs as he does when he rides that bike."

Too much information.

"Is Bella okay?"

"How would I know?"

"Have you seen her today?"

"Edward, Bella went back to Forks weeks ago."

"What! Why didn't you tell me?"

"What's the point? She broke up with Benjamin and caught a plane home ages ago. I assumed you still talked to Emily and knew all this."

I felt guilty. I hadn't rung or even sent a text to my former friend in ages. She always seemed so busy when I did call and I could hear Sam in the background wanting her attention. Our calls had gotten shorter and further apart. I had told her about Drama Club and my role as Romeo and maybe she assumed I was moving on, like any other sensible person would have. Maybe she took my silence as a sign my obsession with Bella had waned. It was my own fault. I had never wanted to hear how Bella and Benjamin were at some party Sam and Emily attended, or how they saw them out at dinner. I guess I had protected myself by dragging the space between calls out to the point where I had forgotten the last time I had called.

"I haven't spoken to Emily in a while" I admitted.

"She is good, sick but good. She looks better than Bella did last time I saw her. She looked like shit."

For a moment, my concern for Emily overrules my need to hear about Bella.

"Sick?"

"Pregnant. She and Sam are expecting a baby, they just found out so I am sure she will call you soon even if you have been a slacker and not called her."

I am instantly relieved. Not sick, just pregnant.

"What is she going to do?"

"It's not due until the end of the year, she will just need a really loose dress for Graduation" laughed Bree.

"I should send her flowers or something."

"You do that. Edward, I am kind of in the middle of something, if you get my drift."

"Oh, sure, sorry, I will let you get back to it. Thanks."

She laughed and I quickly closed the phone. There's no way did I need to hear any heavy breathing when I had been living like a monk these last months.

Bella had returned to Forks, weeks ago. Was it her dad? Was he okay? How could I find out without being obvious? I tossed and turned all night but before dawn I was in my car, heading for Forks. I had to find out for myself, what had brought her home?

I pulled up in front of her house and saw Bella in the yard talking to a neighbor. Her eyes drifted up and she froze when she saw me and then she hurried into the house. I walked to the front door and knocked loudly.

"In a minute" she yelled so I waited, my hands clenched. She opened the door and I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. She had pulled a long, dark unattractive men's sweater on over her jeans and blouse that I saw her wearing in the yard. It was way too loose on her and she crossed her arms and stared at me.

"Who told you?"

"Who told me what? That you were back in Forks? Bree."

She seemed to relax a little.

"Can I come in and talk to you, please Bella."

She stepped aside and I walked into the sitting room and sat on the edge of her couch. She looked pale and thinner than when I last saw her, though the sweater covered her torso so I couldn't judge much. Her face looked tired and there were purple marks beneath her eyes. Bree was right. She looked like shit.

She sat as far from me as she could, yet still be perched on the same piece of furniture.

"Why did you come back home? Is Charlie okay?"

She blanched if possible, and looked even paler.

"We had a scare. It seemed he had some sort of heart episode. Not a real heart attack but something close to it."

"Is he okay?"

"Depends what you define okay as. Medically, he will be alright if he would just calm down and take it easy but he worries, you know."

"So, you came back home for him."

"Yeah."

She seems evasive. She won't let me catch her eye and is staring at anything but me.

"What brought it on?"

"Um, a shock. It was my fault. I shouldn't have told him on the phone. I should have come home and faced him from the start."

"Bella, I am sure it was nothing you said. These things happen and when you were talking to him at the time, it's natural to take on blame but it doesn't make it true."

"Oh this is true alright. I did this to him"

I needed to change the subject, she looked so guilty and broken.

"I miss you, Bella."

"Hmm" she replies. Clearly she doesn't miss me.

"Can we talk about what happened between us?" I ask.

"Edward, it is all in the past. Let it go. There's been enough hurt and sorrow." She looks angry.

"Why did you break up with Benjamin?"

"That is none of your business."

"Okay, the exchange is over next month, I can ask him when he gets back to SeattleU."

I hadn't known him before he was at NYU but if he was on the exchange with Bella, he attended the same college as she did.

She changes her mind and grabs my hands.

"It's over, that's all you need to know. Why would you care? You never liked me with him anyway."

"Did he find out about...what we did?"

"I told him" she stated, defiantly.

"Why?"

"He was my boyfriend, he deserved to know."

"How did he take it?"

"Edward, did you come here for a reason or just to ask about my ex?"

"I just wanted to make sure you are okay." I admitted.

"Well, here I am, fine, okay, fit and well. You can stop worrying and get on with your life."

I got the feeling I had outstayed my welcome.

"Charlie will be home soon and I need to cook dinner."

She didn't ask me to stay so I asked if I could use her bathroom before I left and she sent me upstairs. I peeked into the bedrooms on my way and hers is still the same. All purple like her apartment bedroom. I was puzzled to see a pair of men's boxers and a vintage Rolling Stones tshirt on her unmade bed. They looked kind of familiar. I walked in and picked them up. She had been wearing them, to bed probably, and I could smell her scent on them. They were my clothes, the clothes I left behind in my haste to leave after that night. I felt puzzled. She didn't even like me so why was she wearing my clothes?

To bed, even.

I used the bathroom then walked back downstairs and she walked quickly from the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand. The aroma and sound of ground beef cooking hit my senses. She looked almost green.

"Are you okay?" I asked her worriedly.

"Fine. I had the flu and the smell of meat cooking turns my stomach at the moment."

"Go sit outside, I can handle this. Spaghetti?"

"Yes, bolognaise sauce. Everything's ready to cook."

"Out" I shooed her and took over. Spaghetti was a specialty of mine and I laughed at how her ingredients were identical to my recipe. I had a pot of boiling sauce done in twenty minutes and put the pasta on to boil. Bella was sitting under the shade of a tree, holding her stomach, stroking it now and then. She must be feeling really bad, I thought, and filled the jug and turned it on, searching her cupboards for herbal teabags. Peppermint tea. Just the thing.

I made her a cup and walked out, leaving the door open so I would hear the timer. She grasped the cup in her hands and breathed in the peppermint aroma.

"Thank you. You didn't have to do this."

"You looked terrible in there. Like you were going to hurl."

"Shh. Don't even say that word" she begged.

"That must have been one hell of a dose of flu."

"I...am getting better. It's fading. See, I am okay now. You should go, Charlie will be home any minute.

"I will just finish the pasta then you shall get your wish" I said coldly. She was so obviously keen to have me gone.

"Edward. I'm sorry. I just..."

"It's fine, Bella. You don't want me around. I can take a hint, finally. I will be out of your hair in a few minutes."

I drained the pasta and tossed it in the pot of bubbling sauce to stop it cooling and clumping together, and turned the stove down to warm.

Then I shut the front door behind me and got in my car. Down the road, I passed Charlie in his cruiser and threw him a wave. He looked livid and I shook my head. Okay, none of the Swan's are my fans.

A motel loomed in front of me a couple of hours later and I pulled in and got a bed and the moment my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

The exchange students were back on campus and I wondered whether it was even worth finding Benjamin. I had resisted the urge to send any texts to Bella since that day, my humiliation still made me feel like blushing and screaming whenever I thought about it, how she had so clearly wanted me to go and leave her alone. I was her friend, once, her best friend, she said. Now I was nothing, worse than nothing. Not worth talking to. All because I admitted I loved her. Her punishment of removing me from her life was harsh and to me, completely umwarranted. Why couldn't she have simply said she didn't feel the same and left it at that?

If I claw much more hair out of my head every time I have this conversation in my head, I will be bald.

As it turned out, I didn't need to decide whether to seek out Benjamin or not because at lunch break, he found me and punched me in the jaw. I didn't even see it coming. I was perched on a railing, talking to Emm and Jasper and next thing, I was on the ground and my face felt like a truck had hit it.

"What the fuck?" yelled Emmett, grabbing the person who hit me, away and off his feet. That's when I saw who it was.

"Who is this loser who wants his teeth punched down his throat?" demanded Emmett.

"This is..Bella's ex" I managed to mumble as I spat blood onto the ground. Jasper helped me up and I needed his support until my ears stopped ringing and my vision cleared.

"What the fuck did my brother ever do to you?" Emmett screamed, still dangling Benjamin aloft.

"Ask him what he did. He ruined her."

"Ruined who?" asked Emm, curious now, looking from my face to Benjamin's.

"Bella. He ruined her and ruined her life. She will never graduate now. You know girls who drop out never come back. They get all caught up in real life and there's never the money or the time..she doesn't even have a fucking mother to help her, did you know that? Her mother lives in Spain or somewhere and she refuses to come home and help Bella through this."

He is not making any sense. Okay, I slept with Bella, and she was his girlfriend at the time. And I did take her virginity, but I didn't make her drop out, that was Charlie. I don't see why a girl who dismisses her first sexual experience as 'just sex' would be affected in any harmful way. It's not as if I could have given her a disease.

"What do you want me to do to him, Edward?" Emmett asks, itching for a reason to lay into Benjamin. I feel guilty about having 'just sex' with his girlfriend so I owe him.

"Put him down. Get out of here, Benjamin. I'm sorry." I apologize and turn to walk to the first aid room to grab some ice. Blood pools in my mouth and I gingerly feel each tooth. None are missing but a couple move a little when I touch them.

"Keep away from my brother or next time, no free hit. You had your freebie, now fuck off and stay away from Edward. Do you hear me?" I hear Emmett bellow as I walk.

"Well, you are going to have quite a bump there, feel it? It's already swollen. And it seems to be going a very nice shade of purple. My favorite color" she adds.

She holds the ice pack against my jaw and it feels good, numbing. I guess I deserved the hit, in fact, had Bella been my girl and had 'just sex' with him while I was passed out, I know I would have done a lot more than a single punch.

The other nurse enters the room and hands me a card.

"Emergency dentist. Be there in an hour, he is fitting you in between patients so say thank you."

I nod, and she bustles out again, leaving me with Mrs Cope who is holding my hand in an over firendly manner and smiling at me.

"Um, thanks, I had better go, might be a lot of traffic" I mumble."I will drop this back tomorrow."

"Don't worry about it, Edward" she says, fluttering her eyelashes at me. Boy, I know writers write about that stuff but I never saw anyone do it before."You may need it tonight, when you are lying in your bed, and your poor jaw aches and there is nobody to rub it for you."

I have a feeling it isn't my jaw she is talking about having rubbed.

I hurry out and head for my car. Somehow, I think the dentist's waiting room will be safer than hanging around here and I don't mean Benjamin is a danger to me. I am sure Emmett's threat will keep him away from me. I have a feeling a certain cougar would be my undoing.

I shudder at the thought and open my door, figuring out how to drive while holding the icepack to my face. Jasper runs over and offers to drive me so I accept and move across to the passenger seat. The waiting room is crowded but once Jasper speaks to the nurse in the short skirt and drops a smile on her, we are ushered in, to the surprise of the dentist. He recovers and sits me in the chair and examines my teeth.

"No eating tonight. They will be fine if they get a chance to settle down and the gums will hold then straight if you can resist fiddling with them" he warns. I nod and am happy to just go home and forget today.

Jasper and Alice let themselves in a few hours later. Alice has made me a fruit and ice cream smoothie and I drink it gratefully, the icy cold soothing inside my mouth and finally stopping the bleeding. The taste of blood in my mouth had just about turned my stomach so it's refreshing to be tasting banana and mixed berries instead.

"Thanks, you guys." I can almost talk normally now.

"Oh shit. Romeo." says Alice, in alarm.

Crap. It is our first performance tonight and clearly I will not be playing the leading role. Jasper had given in out of boredom and joined up too, seeing we deserted him two nights a week and so John had made him my understudy. Looks like Jasper will have to take over my role. I struggle into my jeans and Alice helps me with a clean shirt and we all head off to the theater. John looks up, relieved then instantly anxious again as he sees my face.

"Edward! What happened?"

"A well deserved punch to the jaw." I explain.

"Jasper, looks like you will be our opening night Romeo. Quick, to the dressing rooms, I think Edward is a little taller than you, they may need to shorten the costumes."

Alice and Jasper disappear and I slump down in the front row, knowing John has reserved six seats, and one was for Jasper.

"Edward. I am disappointed. You couldn't have picked a fight next week? After the play was over? What did you do to make this boy so angry?"

"I had sex with his girlfriend. It was months ago."

"Ah, a man never forgets an insult like that" he says, moving my face with his hand, looking at the yellow and mauve and lilac and almost black purple bruise that covers much of my jaw.

"I don't understand. I have never seen you with a girl? Yet you chose to sleep with one that was taken? When you have the interest of any number of girls right here?"

"I love her" I stated, surprised to find there had been no dilution of my feelings even though time and several bad experiences now had happened since I last saw her.

"She doesn't love me." I explained, and he shook his head.

"You young people. There are certain rules a gentleman must follow, Edward, even if you love her. Is she still with him?"

I shook my head.

"Is that your fault?"

"Maybe" I mumble.

I truly don't know how much impact my sleeping with Bella had on him. More than it had on her, obviously. Less than it had on me, probably.

"I have a quote for you, my boy who loves to collect quotes. It's from Neil Gaiman. It seems appropriate. Just listen." he orders.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

"What do you think?"

"I think he knows me." I reply.

"I think he knows how you feel. You are not alone, Edward. I lost the woman I love. I haven't seen my sweet Siobhan for many years now but she still visits me in my dreams. Sometimes you have to accept whatever small crumbs life allows you."

"Siobhan?" I question. No way is she my Siobhan.

"She was an English major, like me. We spent every day together, then one night, what can I say? I 'fucked up' I believe is the expression your generation uses. I got drunk at a party we were at and went outside for some air. A certain young lady we knew, who had a crush on me, approached from behind and put her arms around me and I leaned back and kissed her. I thought it was Siobhan, but when I realized it wasn't, I did a shameful thing. I didn't stop, Edward. I kept kissing her, my lips had never kissed another woman other than my love and I was curious. Of course, my girl walked outside and saw us kissing and she ran and locked herself in a bedroom, so upset, crying in a way that let me know I had broken her heart. She gave her heart to me, Edward, and I was careless with it. A friend called her father to come fetch her home, I barely had time to wipe her tears away and tell her how sorry I was and her father was furious that I had treated his daughter in this manner. Trifled with her affections, though that was not true. I loved her, I just did a wrong and foolish thing. He took her far away, to Ireland I believe, and left her with relatives. I never saw her again."

He draws out his wallet and shows me an old,faded but still colorful, much cracked around the edges photo of a pretty girl with long gold hair and sparkling blue eyes. I can see she hasn't changed all that much, over the years. She is sturdier, well rounded, now, but so is he.

"I know a lady named Siobhan, she was the leader of the drama group I was in at NYU. She has golden hair swept up in a bun and sparkling blue eyes like that."

"No, it cannot be her, life never gives you two chances, Edward. You blow the first and that's it, no more tries allowed. Everyone says we all deserve a second chance but some of us stuff up too badly for that to be allowed. I lost her by my own folly, I have paid the price ever since. I hope, maybe, in my next life, I can shun the lure of alcohol and be the man she needs.I hope she married a nice man and he made her happy and gave her many children. She would have been such a mother, the children would be truly blessed."

If it is the same woman, she never married either and she never mentioned a child, to me, anyway.

I excuse myself to use the washroom and scroll through my phone to find her number.

"Siobhan? Yes, it is Edward. I just wanted to ask you a question."

x~x~x~x~x~x

I have offered her the use of my spare bedroom and she is flying in the day after tomorrow. She remembered John just as fondly as he recalled her and she is thrilled to find him relatively close. She will be sitting in the front row seat reserved for Jasper on Wednesday night.

Whoever plays Romeo won't need the seat and if I am still sitting out, I will stay backstage and help out there. And peep through the curtain and watch their reunion.

I had been a little apprehensive about asking her and digging up the past, for all I knew, even if it was 'her John', she could still harbor ill will for his mistake. But she had assured me, one thing you learn with age is, what is important and what is merely a blip as you go through life and that has long simply been a blip for her.

"We all make mistakes. God knows I have made a few. If I could turn back time, Edward, I would have begged, borrowed, even stolen money from my aunt for my fare and run straight back to his arms, and forgiven him. Not spent the rest of my life a martyr, convinced I was right to stay away, sure that my dignity was more important. It didn't keep me warm at night, though. Being right is no comfort when you are alone.I never met another man who touched my heart. I tried to find one, I went out with many, kissed a lot of toads, but he was my only prince and I let him go, in my righteous pride... Don't give up, Bella will come to you one day."

I wish I could be so sure of that.

"Why will she? She hates me." I reply.

"No, Edward. She is mad at you, and herself. You two did a very foolhardy and reckless thing and now you all have to pay. But one day, she will see it as a blip and she will come to you. Mark my words."

I hope it doesn't take her 35 years. Why did what we did rank as such a foolhardy and reckless thing? Bree, Rose, even Alice, all tell me these things happen. I know people have sex just for the thrill. Not for the connection. Even if we had 'just had sex', why were we the ones being punished when many did what we did, all the time? And I love her. I didn't do anything wrong.

Tell yourself that, Edward. She belonged to another..says that voice I am so sick of I want to strangle.

I lay in bed that night rereading my quotes.

Yesterdays:"If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will."

Todays:"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."

x~x~x~x~x~x~x

Siobhan sinks onto the large bed and her suitcase rests on Alice's small former bed.

She pulls out the dress she plans to wear tonight. It's gorgeous, colorful, loose, bright, pretty. I can't wait to see her in it.

She takes out an old tattered handkerchief and I raise my eyebrows in surprise. Her suitcase is fully of new, expensive, pretty designer clothes yet she has a ratty and worn old man's handkerchief.

"This is his. John's. He lent it to me when I cried over his confession and I never got to give it back. It's been under my pillow for 35 years, sometimes I use it to dry my tears. It's my most treasured possession."

She flashes her hands towards me, her many diamond rings glitter in the sunlight from the window.

"See these? They mean nothing. They mean I have made some money over the years and spent it on pretty things. If you help a gun to my head and asked for my valuables, it wouldn't be these I would miss. It would be this handkerchief. All I had of his. Something I kept close so he would always be close to me. It's a girl thing. You can't have the man in your bed so you take something he owned instead."

For some reason, the image of my boxers and Tshirt on Bella's bed spring to mind. Did she have feelings for me? Beneath being mad and the hate, was their maybe a little love as well?

I dismiss the thought. She doesn't have an angry father keeping her from me. She could be here if she wanted to. Charlie's face, angry, furious, when I drove past him in Forks. Was that the face of a father keeping his daughter hostage? Was it just the face of a father warning the man who defiled his little girl, to stay away? Clearly he knew what I had done, but surely Bella would have told him the truth, that it was her idea, her request. That I did it with love and hope, in my heart. I didn't use her and toss her away, no, she did that to me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ah, Eclipse, my fav book, now my fav movie. Hands up all who loves it best of the three so far.**

**Sorry if I am updating too fast, I want to get you all to the good bits, the angst is dragging out too long, I promise things will improve soon.**

My New Best Friend

Chapter Nine

Fathers and Daughters

"I think he is wrong."

"I agree, Bella. You have to come here and tell Edward. No matter what Charlie thinks, it is his baby too. You shouldn't be making any decisions alone. Imagine if it were him pregnant with your baby and he never told you. Just ignore your father. God knows at times like this I am glad I never knew mine. And Rose's dad has never given her good advice. Follow your heart and your common sense. You two have real, grown up, decisions to make. You are twenty two, not seventeen, not a minor."

"I know Alice" I sighed."But when I told him I got pregnant the first time I had sex, and not with my boyfriend, he practically had a heart attack right there on the phone."

"I don't know what to say. What if I bring Edward down and we meet somewhere in Forks? Or Port Angeles? Somewhere where your Dad will not catch you talking to him?"

"See, Alice, that makes it sound like I am a little schoolgirl, sneaking off to meet my boyfriend. Edward is not my boyfriend."

"Edward would be your boyfriend in three seconds if you gave him the chance."

"I have never seen him that way, you know?"

"Yeah. The whole gay thing."

"I thought he was hot when he walked into the building the first time I saw him. Then I thought it was a terrible, tragic waste any man that hot was gay and deprived us girls of his charms. Then I got to know him. Remember the day he and Jasper went into their bedroom when I was there with Angela? I mean, he was put into a compartment in my head, nice to look at, not available, never available. And we became friends."

"Yes, I know. Sigh."

"He definitely took a place in my heart but in the friend category. Once I knew he was gay, taken, with a man I adored, I just never thought of him in that way again. I never considered being with him, or assessing him as a future possible partner. I assessed him as a dear and wonderful friend. And he was that to me. I adored him as my friend, I never felt as close to anyone in my life."

"He was a good friend."

"He should have told me, Alice. You knew, and I don't blame you in any way for not slapping me stupid and making me listen, though you should have, mind you. I know you told me time and again he was not gay but I honestly believed he was. I mean, I knew Jasper wasn't, I assumed he was bi, but the more he was with you, the more he seemed straight. Whereas Edward..he was so caring and always helping me and he listened, Alice. He let me cry on him, he stayed up nights for me, he did everything no straight man would do. What would Emmett do if Rose had a crisis? He would hug her and kiss her and be patient for maybe ten minutes, then he would tell Rose to get over it. Right? Straight men do not listen and sympathize and hold you all night long."

"You are right."

"So, everything he did put him in the 'not for me' basket."

"But then you found out the truth."

"And it devastated me. Not that he wasn't gay, I didn't care about that. That he lied to me, over and over. He did things to prove he was gay. He and I talked all night sometimes and yet he never hinted it was a scam. Like I would care if they were scamming. I know they covered for my sake but I still wish he had told me. I missed him so much after the...Jake..thing. I needed him and he left."

"Yes, well, I don't know why he did that."

"It was out of character. I started to feel then like I didn't really know him as much as I thought I did. I just assumed he would stay and be here for me for as long as it took. But he left. Then Jasper spills and I have to readjust again. It was no longer the case that I didn't know Edward as much as I thought, it was that I didn't know Edward at all."

"I can see how it must have felt like that for you."

"Oh Alice, he stuffed up big time. He confused my brain and hurt me so much, I really thought it would be best to cut all ties and never contact him again. Then there he is at NYU in the play and suddenly I am with him again and I just felt the old safe, happy friendship again, like instantly. Like, yes, I have my friend back. So, I asked him to help me out."

"And he did."

"Yeah. He did."

I allowed my mind to drift back to that night and I felt myself dampen. Damn pregnancy hormones.

"You two should have talked before you did that. Laid it all out on the table, explained what you wanted, how you wanted it to be afterwards, then he could have made an informed decision."

"He never would have slept with me if he knew I didn't love him or see him in that way at all, would he?"

"No, I don't think he would have. I think he assumed it was the beginning of something beautiful."

I felt the tears run down my cheeks.

"I spoiled what should have been a special night for him, didn't I? It should have never happened with me. I swear I had no idea he was a virgin. I would not have even asked him to do that if I knew."

"I know, sweetie."

"I just assumed, when I had to move him into another compartment in my brain, I put him in the 'typical guy' box. I assumed it would just be sex for him. I assumed he would want it, what guy doesn't? I thought it would be a fun night of sex for him , no having to pretend he liked me or wanted me, no flowers or dinner, no lead up, just a transaction, and a way to get my virginity dealt with.I knew he would not judge me. He knew I was with Benjamin. God, he helped me put him to bed in the next room. "

"Yes, he knew but I think he thought you were choosing him over Benjamin."

"I never said anything to make him think that. I asked him for sex, not love. I thought he was on the same page as me."

"I still am not sure why you needed him to do that? Why didn't you and Benjamin just do it?"

"Oh believe me, I already asked him. He was terrified, Alice. Because I was a virgin. He kept saying he couldn't do it because I would end up all clingy and expect a ring and a walk down the aisle once we did it. I knew I wouldn't. If I wanted that, and I never will, with anyone, I would have wanted the wedding first. Or at least the ring."

"So, you decided Edward would see it as sport and just do it?"

"I always heard such horror stories of so many girls first times. I thought, at least Edward would be experienced and make it good for himself and not hate me for not knowing what to do. He would 'break me in' and spend the night with me, holding me and helping me adjust to my new status, and then he would be my best friend again and I would sleep with Benjamin and we would be a couple and Edward would be my friend."

"Well, to be honest, I don't think it will ever be on the cards now. He wants all of you."

"I know, and I can't offer him that. I mean, I would be 'friends with benefits', I would be best friends, but I still don't look at Edward and feel like he is my soulmate."

"That is so sad. I know he sees you that way."

"So, what do I say? I am not getting married. Having this kid is not going to force me to marry him."

"I bet Charlie is pissed over this attitude of yours."

"Oh he is. He has said a million times, if I wasn't in love and willing to marry the guy, what the hell was I doing having sex with him? Charlie still thinks its 1960 and people only have sex if they are in love. He forgets Woodstock and free love and make love not war."

"That's Charlie for you."

"I swear Alice, he has never had sex with anyone but my Mom. Even though she left eighteen years ago. I have never seen him with another woman, he has never snuck out at night or locked his bedroom door, or acted like he had a secret. He has Mom's photos everywhere, you know that. He would never betray her by sleeping with another woman and he thinks we all feel the same way. Mate for life. Sleep with someone, then he is the one. No test drives."

"I am afraid Edward would be in agreement with Charlie. Jasper has told me all about him. He has had women after him since he turned fourteen. He has had his friends Moms come on to him. He has always had the opportunity to sleep with maybe hundreds of girls, but he waited for you."

"I hate myself. I wish I knew all this before. I feel like I cheated on him or something."

"Did you sleep with Benjamin?"

" After that night, I felt like I owed it to Benjamin to tell him, so I did. He was hurt at first. He assumed I had feelings for Edward. I explained it wasn't like that, I just trusted Edward. Then he was angry and he came home one night and grabbed me and tossed me on the bed. I was scared of him, Alice, for the first time. He said he may as well have sloppy seconds now I was anyone's."

"But he didn't...rape you?"

"No, he stripped off and ripped my clothes then he stopped himself because I was bawling like a baby and so scared of him. He left and we avoided each other for a while and we were maybe getting back on track a bit when I got sick in the mornings and I did the test and that was it. He stayed away, hid in his bedroom, and brought home other girls for the night. Then I told Charlie, he collapsed, I came home. I don't want to be trapped here forever, Alice. I am capable of raising this child alone."

"Like you would ever have to. Edward would help."

"I know. That's what stopped me even considering...you know.. the sensible thing. I freaked when the test was positive and my brain said 'you fucked up, fix this Bella, nobody ever has to know' and I walked out to find the phone directory and all I could see in my head was Edward, pushing this little girl on a swing in the playground. And he was so happy, smiling, grabbing her up in his arms, kissing her face, and I knew I could never deprive him of that life if he wanted it. And seeing her...his daughter...I know this is insane but I fell in love with her...I could never kill her, Alice. She exists already."

"Oh Bella, she does."

"So, what do I do? You know if I tell Edward, he will get down on one knee and pull an engagement ring out of his pocket, I swear he probably carries one with him all the time, just in case. He will have his gran's ring, some family heirloom and he will want it superglued on my finger and he will have me down the aisle before I am showing and we can't do that, Alice. I don't love him. God, I wish I did. I wish I could turn back time."

"So you could not sleep with him?"

"Oh, yes, sure, that would be the most sensible thing."

"But you weren't thinking that."

"No, I was just thinking, then I would never have said all those hurtful things to him after we had sex. I was cruel and just nasty Alice. I was in shock. I had no idea he felt that way towards me. I have always known before. Look at Mike, at high school. I knew. He played it cool, he dated Jess, but I knew I could have taken him off her anytime I wanted. And Eric..I mean, come on. All those little gifts that he happened to buy."Oh Bella, I meant to buy one donut and I have two, would you like one?",'I thought it was Mother's Day so I bought these flowers for my Mom, would you take them instead so I don't embarrass myself?', I mean, I knew. I always knew. The football captain, the nerd in IT class...I knew, without them speaking. Yet I spent days, and nights, with Edward, I talked to him more than I ever talked to any other person other than you. I had no idea. It was almost like if Rose suddenly confessed she was in love with me. Like, total unexpected shock, I had never considered it. I had never suspected."

"How was it? You know, he told me there was blood...a lot of blood."

"To be honest, it was amazing. Really. I expected to lie there and feel like I had been attacked or something, that all it would be was pain and blood and I would be praying it would be over soon. And it wasn't like that at all. He made it...nice. He was so thoughtful and he made sure I...you know... first before he did both times...and..."

"Wait! Wait! Wait! He gave you an orgasm your first time? And you said both times? He gave you two orgasms! Bella, that is, like, unheard of. Come on. Did he really?"

"Um, yeah. It was really eye opening and amazing, I guess."

"Wow. I wish he had taken me the first time! Honestly Bella, it was all pain and tears and praying to die for my first time. Not to mention embarrassing as hell and messy and bloody."

"I didn't notice the blood until after. There was a bit but it didn't hurt. I mean, it hurt a bit when I tore but it was okay and Edward hugged me and got me through it."

"He did?" she said dreamily.

"He washed me in the shower afterwards. Washed the blood off me. And he took the sheet off the bed."

"Okay, don't tell me any more because I am already so jealous of you and I just don't get it. Why again don't you love him? What is not to love? Explain, woman."

"Do you love him, Alice? Are you in love with him?"

"No, of course not."

"Well, why not? I just told you how it could have been for your first time but you haven't hung up the phone, run home and kicked Jasper out and kidnapped Edward. You admit he is everything any woman could dream of, so why don't you love him?"

"I just..don't."

"Well, I just don't, either. It is nothing he did or said or I did. I just don't love him and that is why I won't be marrying him and I will come to Seattle and I will tell him but I will not become engaged to him and if he gets down on one knee, I will beg him to stand up again. I will not pretend to love him. We can raise this child together, I am actually kind of thrilled the baby is his, if you know what I mean. Like, I have known so many guys and never have I thought 'now, he would be the most amazing father", have you? But Edward, you just know we are going to be jealous of how fantastic he is with her."

"You keep saying her. Is it a girl for sure?"

"Medically, I have no idea. I had a scan to make sure it was healthy and in the right place and no problems before I even told Charlie. But I saw her in my head, Alice. She is a girl and Edward loves her already and he doesn't even know she exists."

"Alice? Alice, are you still there?"

"Bella, I am crying too much. Change the subject...

Why were you so anxious to make him leave that day he went to visit you at Forks?"

"I explained everything to Charlie in words of two syllables or less. I told him I coerced Edward into having sex with me. But Charlie would not have that. He was convinced Edward got me drunk, or hypnotized me and threatened me, he was just talking crazy and he said he would shoot him on sight the next time he saw him. I really think he meant it, Alice, at the time. Now he knows it was his daughter's slutty behaviour that was the problem, he has backed off but I really thought, if he gets home and Edward is cooking in the kitchen, Charlie will shoot first and listen later...or not...he never listens, not really."

"And you couldn't explain without telling Edward you were knocked up?"

"That's right. I was nowhere ready for that but I thought he would guess. His dad is a doctor, I really expected him to twig. But he didn't. Just as well. He needed to go before Dad got home and that would never have happened if he figured it out."

"That's for sure, he would have clung to you so tightly we would have had to have him surgically removed. I have to go. Let me know what I can do. Anything."

"Sure, and I will see you when I get there, right? Maybe tonight? Dad has an all night shift and I can ask Billy to invite him down the Res for the day tomorrow now they are friends again. Since Jake came out and moved in with Seth, all the relatives have left and gone to find someone else to live with, seeing they knew Jake was never going to marry a housekeeper for them now."

"Okay, well, I will see you soon. Bye Bella."

She ended the call and I wiped the tears from my eyes and went upstairs to pack a few things.

EPOV

Sleep had evaded me for so long, it had to get to the point where pure exhaustion would take over and send me off and tonight was the night. I dropped like a stone onto the bed, pulled the comforter over my naked self, and bam, that was it. Two nips of brandy, a warm bath, and off to dreamland I headed.

Sometime later, I heard the sound of keys in the front door and assumed it was Alice, but then a few minutes later, I felt a shivering cold little body slip in my bed beside me and I woke up completely, in one second flat. I do not have girls drop in and climb in my bed.

I peeled the blanket back and wondered if this was just a dream.

"Bella?"

"Please put that down, you are letting the warmth escape and I am frozen."

I put the blanket back and rubbed my fingers through my hair. Months of silence and she comes to my bed.

Shit.

This had better not be a fuckbuddy thing like Bree suggested because that will not be happening.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

"Trying to thaw out so we can have a sensible adult conversation."

"Oh, okay then."

I lay back down and pulled the comforter over my head as well and tried to see her face in the dim light.

"Are you okay?"

"Sort of. But we need to talk and you need to listen and not be jumping to any conclusions."

"Okay? What are we talking about?"

"You and I have to come to an agreement and an arrangement."

"I am not being your friend with benefits."

I stated my opinion and went to get out of bed.

"This is where the listening and not jumping to conclusions bit comes in."

"Fine."

I sat up and held the blanket to my chest.

Bella slid up beside me and she was so cold, I pulled her close to my body and shared my heat with her.

"God, you are so warm. So unfair. I am like a snake. Cold blooded."

I didn't answer that one.

"Edward. Shit. I don't want to spoil another special occasion for you like I did last time, when we.."

"Had just sex." I finished for her.

"Yes. I am truly sorry about that. I didn't know you liked me."

"Love you. I love you."

"Right. Well, how do you feel about us having a baby together?"

She closed her eyes and hid her face behind her hands.

"Bella, there is no way on God's green earth that I will get you pregnant so you can have a baby to a man you do not love. How can you even ask me to do that?"

I forced her hands from her face and she opened one eye.

"The getting me pregnant bit is already done."

I froze.

My head tried to both process what she said and explode.

"You are pregnant?" I said, parroting her back.

"Yep."

"To me?"

"Yep."

"Are you sure?"

"Gee, Edward. How do I take that? That you think I am too stupid to do a pregnancy test and go to a doctor and have it confirmed by scan? Or you think because I slept with you without being in love, that I would sleep with anyone?"

"So, you are pregnant to me?" I said again, like an idiot.

"We didn't use protection" she pointed out.

Shit.

I have relived that night in my head a million times and never given a single thought to the fact we didn't use a condom.

"What are you going to do?" I asked, not allowing my heart to embrace this news until I knew she wasn't here for money to...do that.

"What I want to do is, have the baby?"

She peeked at me, unsure how I would react. I nodded my head and felt the smile on my face. We are having a baby!

"But not get married or engaged or anything like that."

I kept nodding. I know she doesn't love me and I would not hurt myself by marrying her unless that changes.

"Fine. Can we live together? In the same town at least?"

"I think we should. Maybe as roomates?" she asked.

"Do you think that would work?"

"Edward, it is entirely up to you. I want to do what's best for the baby. That is my number one priority. But that being said, I want to do what is best for you as my second priority. I have hurt you enough and if you were sensible, you would not be my friend. I am not a good friend for you. But assuming you want to be a full time father to this child, we have to work out how to make it work."

"So, you think we can live together?"

"I could live with you. You are the best friend I ever had, before I ruined things. I know I can go back to that. I can live with my best friend so long as he knows this is not a situation tagged with 'view to a permanent relationship and marriage' on the end. It's what it is, from day one. If you prefer separate apartments, then we can do that and pass her back and forth when we work out our schedules. And we will probably need a sitter as well."

"Or the creche. It's supposed to be very good. Open door policy, webcams so you can check on your children anytime."

"Child. Only one." she corrected, stroking her still flat belly."And before you ask, I don't know if it is a girl, I just feel it is."

"May I?" I asked.

"Sure. You put her in there."

I gingerly placed my hand on her belly. Nothing to feel yet but I liked just being near my baby. Our baby.

"Separate bedrooms?"

"Definitely."

"Will you sleep in my bed sometimes?" I tried to sound casual but the idea I could hold her all night and feel my child grow and kick inside her was more than I could hope for.

"Sure. If that will be okay for you. I know you have more feelins for me than I have for you and we need to talk about that. I am sorry, but I don't love you and this baby doesn't change anything. I wish I did love you, for what it's worth. I love you as a friend and a person and I am happy you are the father of my child. I could not think of anyone else I would want to have a baby with. But romantically..."

She wavered her hand back and forth.

"It hasn't happened for you. I accept that. But please don't say it never will."

"Please don't assume it will."

'Okay. We can agree on that. No view to falling in love or marriage."

"Right."

"So, I can date?"

She looked a little shocked.

"Yeah, sure, if you want to."

"Bella, if it is never going to happen for us, I need to date. I need to have a chance of finding a woman who will love me back."

"Of course, Edward. You are right."

"And you deserve a man who you can love."

"I don't think dating will be a priority for me for a long time. I tend to vomit in the evenings and sex is like the furthest thing from my mind."

"I will be here for you whenever you need me."

"Between dates?"

I laughed.

"I have no plans to date anyone at the moment. I just think we have to be very clear what the rules are and what our expectations of each other are."

"I expect you to be the best father a girl can have."

"I will be that. I expect you to respect my feelings and not flaunt your men friends. Not bring them here at night...to sleepover."

"Okay, but same for you. No sleepovers in our house. We must sleep at the other persons place only. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"And we have to have some sort of roster. Like you get every second night off to date and I get the others so she always has a parent at home with her. Unless it's New Year's Eve or something, then we can get a sitter but I don't want us both out every night leaving her alone with someone who doesn't love her."

"Right. Can I attend the delivery?"

"Would you want to? I would be elsewhere if I could be, it sounds kind of gross and messy."

"You managed to cope with mess when it came to conceiving her."

"Yeah, I did. But that was thanks to you being there for me, helping me through the clean up."

"And I want to be there for this clean up. My Dad is a doctor, mess won't bother me and our heads will be full of the little miracle we made."

"Now, expenses. How do we figure that out? I have to get a job, obviously."

"Bella, for the sake of our baby, please agree to not work during the pregnancy or while she is very young. I know other women do, I know you will think this old fashioned and maybe even insulting, but I want you to come through this pregnancy in the best possible shape. You will be doing a full time job, making a baby. I have more money than we will ever need, thanks to my grandparents, and I have to be able to spend it on those I love and making our lives as good as possible or there's no point having it."

"What will I do all day? Making a baby doesn't seem that time consuming at the moment."

"Go back to class. Finish your degree. As long as it isn't stressful, go on with your education then take a break when you need to, then finish it later."

Suddenly all that stuff Benjamin had said made sense.

"You told Benjamin before you told me?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"He was living with me when I took the test. I could hardly hide the early morning dash to throw up from my room mate."

"Bella, please don't take this the wrong way. How are you sure this is my baby and not his? You could be small for dates with your build, especially if it is a girl."

She blushed and looked away.

"You are the only possible candidate." she confessed.

I was shocked. I assumed, seeing they stayed together after she told him what we had done, that he would have claimed her back, made sure his ownership was never in any doubt.

"Let's be clear. You never slept with him in the time frame? Or you never slept with him at all?"

" at all."

I actually felt sorry for the guy. I had slept with his girl, made her pregnant and clearly stopped him consummating the relationship as well. He must truly hate and despise me.

"He wouldn't sleep with you because of what we did?"

"That, and by the time we moved passed it, I got sick and did the test. He did almost...but he stopped when I ...cried and asked him not to."

I definitely underestimated what a good guy he was after all. I guess I disliked him simply because he had my Bella ,...and the vodka incident.

"Do you want to live here, in this apartment?"

"Sure. I can move back into my old room. Do they allow babies here, though? It is student housing."

"That's a good point. Maybe we should look close by but off campus."

"Sure. Whatever. I have to go back to Forks and tell Charlie you haven't run for the hills, screaming. That you want to support us and keep the baby."

"I guess he is not my biggest fan. I saw him when I left your house that day I cooked dinner."

"I am so sorry about that day. Charlie refused to consider I was telling the truth and that it was my idea and I wanted it to happen and I instigated it. He blamed you, and he planned to shoot you. I had to make you leave. I knew if I told you I was pregnant, you would insist on staying and facing him and you would have ended up hurt , or the two would have conspired to get me down the aisle that very day.i don't know which would be worse."

She blushed as she realized what she said.

"Bella, what will happen when one of us meets our future partner and gets married? I don't imagine it would work for us all to live together."

"I say we cross that bridge when we come to it. I have heard of one idea I like."

"What's that?"

"Having a family home that we three all own. And when it is your time with her, you live in it and when it's my time, you leave and go to your other home week about, or month about. I guess that would be hard if you are married with other kids."

"Well, I think if we do that until one of us is married, it would work, if we find living together too tough."

"I will never get married or have other kids, so it will work for me" she said confidently.

"You will change your mind when you meet the right man. You will want his children."

"Everyone says that. I can't see that ever happening to me, especially having a child already. I cannot imagine ever having more than one. To be honest, I never imagined myself with a child at all, ever."

"But you do want her?" I asked hastily.

"I want her for you. And I am really happy to be lucky enough to be the mother of your child. I do love and adore you in every other way, you know."

"I know. Just not the one way I wish you did." I said sadly.

"Edward, if I knew a way I could fall in love with you, I would. In a heartbeat."

I hugged her close and kissed her head as she lay on my chest.

She snuggled into me and fell asleep so I lay very still and breathed her in and enjoyed the part of her she was willing to give me.

So close.

My world changed today and it's a little hell mixed in the Heaven. I am madly suppressing the need to cry out that she has to love me. I can't make it happen, she can't force herself to have feelings that are just not there. I feel my heart weep for her, and for me, because I know we could be so fucking perfect together, if only she loved me one tenth as much as I love her.

Love is never even, always one person loves more than the other, but unless she loves me a little, the scales just lie tipped to one side.

But we are together, I can hold her and touch her face and make her laugh and I know, she enriches my life by just breathing in the same air I do. To be able to live with her for the foreseeable future, that is so much more than I could have hoped.

Will I date? I don't know why I even brought that up, I know I will never love another like I love her. But maybe I will have to save myself if she finds her soul mate. I wonder what I am, then. She is my everything.

My hand rests on her belly still and the baby we created is inside her, growing and waiting to meet us. I could not be happier about that. I am grateful that we are both evidently very fertile, seeing we were only together once and we managed to start a baby.

A baby. A real little person made from her and me. Maybe this baby will be enough to bind us together forever.

I feel so happy I am almost afraid to breathe.

I hear the sound of keys in the door. It's morning already and I know it's Alice. No doubt she knew Bella was coming and she wants to see her.

"In here, Alice."

She tiptoes in and looks at the sleeping beauty in my arms.

"So?" she asks, no doubt she knows why Bella came back to me.

"We are going to share a place and raise the baby together but sorry, no wedding for you to plan."

"Edward, do you trust me?" she asks.

"Of course." I reply.

"And you would never bet against me?"

I laugh. The few times any of us have, Alice has always won.

"No, little Pixie, never."

"Good" she says with a large wicked grin on her face.

She kisses my cheek and promises to call back in later

I lay there wondering what the conversation was about, but my heart is lifted and feels much warmer as a result, so I bless Alice and drift off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

My New Best friend

Chapter 10

A Hunting We Will Go

"What's wrong with this one?" Bella asked me, tiredly and resignedly.

"The stairs are too steep, the playground is too far away."

"The air is not pink, there are no unicorns" she added.

"Am I being too picky?" I asked her.

"Well, Edward, most people would find one apartment they like after looking at six per day for three weeks. Yes, I think we can safely say, you are too picky."

"Fine. Which one did you like?"

"The brownstone? With the heated jacuzzi?"

"No, the brownstone had the gym in the basement, the apartment in Lyric Towers had the jacuzzi. Which one did you like?"

"I have no idea. They are all mixed up in my head."

"Poor pregnant lady" I kissed her on the cheek and held her hand. So precious.

"Come on, my parents will be at the restaurant already."

Carlisle thinks Bella is perfect for me so we have that in common. Esme wants to toss me out of the family and adopt Bella. Whenever she rings, she asks me how I am, then asks if she can speak to Bella and if Bella is in class, Esme hangs up and rings later! My own mother. Honestly.

So, the fact they queue to hug her and treat me like the afterthought is no surprise.

"Bella, you look beautiful."

"Far too attractive to be with our homely son" agrees Carlisle.

"Thank you, parents. Thanks for all the love and support" I growl.

"I hope this little girl looks just like Bella" says Mom.

"Oh Edward was a pretty baby, all the nurses lamented that the pretty was wasted on a boy, remember?"

"I was tempted to just dress him in pink dresses and pretend he was a girl" my mother confided.

"Geez, yet I didn't end up gay? How did that happen?"

"I made a pink dress for my best friend because she managed to produce a boy then a girl" says Mom, looking at me like I chose to be her second son and not her daughter, just to spite her.

"Elizabeth was the same size as Edward, so I tried it on him as I sewed, he looked adorable. I have photos at home."

"And remember how long it took me to convince you he needed a boys haircut? His hair was nearly down to his waist by the time he was three, Bella."

"It was so pretty, I couldn't bear to cut it. Especially seeing Emmett was as bald as a badger until he was two. We were worried he was never going to have a single hair on his head. But Edward got Emmett's share. His hair was gorgeous. Soft auburn, with sausage curls down his back and little kiss curls around his face."

"Now that I have been completely emasculated, did I tell you I got Bella pregnant the first time we had sex?"

Carlisle looks annoyed at my comment and Esme ignores me completely.

"Don't worry,dear, even if she takes after Edward, she will be very pretty."

I guess that is a compliment. Or the closest they will get to one.

"So, son, have you considered buying a place instead of renting? There are still some good deals out there in real estate. In fact, Esme and I looked at a couple of houses and this one is a great buy."

He slides a property listing guide with one house circled in neon highlighter. It is a three storey white building with balconies and a deck. It's quite pretty so I slide it on towards Bella.

"Oh Edward, how perfect. Where is it?"

"Half a mile from campus" answers Esme, smiling. "And it has a nursery already..and it's pink!"

Bella looks excited so I pretty much decide to buy it already.

"Five bedrooms, all have balconies and bathrooms, and there is a playroom, the current owners have four children." enthuses my Mom.

Bella looks a little pale at the thought of four children but she manages a sickly smile.

Esme covers Bella's hand.

"Don't worry, sweetie, once this one is born and steals your heart, you will want more. I wanted ten, but Carlisle was too worried I would not cope. Especially as Emmett was so active. He was a horror child in many ways." she reflects."It's good you are having a girl, I am sure they are easier."

"Mother, we don't know it is a girl yet." I half hope it's a boy, just to jolt them all into reality.

"What did Alice say it is?" asks my traitor father.

"A girl" I admit.

"Then it is a girl. Nobody should ever..."

"Bet against Alice, I know."

If I got to choose, I would have chosen a girl, so I don't know why I am being so annoyed.

I guess it is because I am so close to having every single thing I ever wanted but one, and the one is what I desire the most. I am sexually frustrated, who knew having sex once (twice) would leave my body craving it constantly. I had urges before but they were the type a little self love in the shower could fix. Now that is completely inadequate and only makes me want the real thing even more. Bella and I have not discussed whether sex is part of the deal and stupidly I probably put her off asking by my refusing to be her fuckbuddy that first day .

Let's face it, I will take anything she offers, any scraps off her plate.

"You should be fucking her day and night" Emmett had advised me."When chick's have sex they release endorphins or something, and it makes them fall in love."

"Really, Emmett? How come hookers don't love their clients then?"

"Who says they don't? And anyway, hookers love their pimps. That's a fact."

I know nothing about hookers so I couldn't even shoot him down with real facts.

Lunch is interesting, I mainly listen to my Mom engage with my girl, and my dad try and talk me into buying the house I have decided to buy.

Once the bill is paid, by my father, who would be insulted if anyone else even offered, we head to look at the house. Bella starts oohing and aahing the second she gets inside the front door. She is in raptures over the kitchen, it has the best appliances ever, the bench space is amazing, the cooker something to die for, the cupboard space unseen these days. How do I know all this? My girl tells me as she dances from one thing to another.

The basement has been converted into a games room, with a wet bar. The owners are leaving the pool table and bar and other equipment as they are downsizing now their kids are in boarding schools.

The sitting rooms are pretty and large and have massive bay windows, something I know Bella admires in every place we had viewed earlier. The media room is impressive. Carlisle sinks into a recliner from the row of eight and relaxes.

"This room alone sells the house. In fact, if you don't buy it, I will."

"Oh I am buying it" I inform him, and the real estate agent beams at me.

The bedrooms are 'perfect', and I wonder which one will be mine. There are four on the second floor and just one enormous one on the top, with views out to every side, it has a spa bath in the room and the walk in closets are enormous. The his and hers bathrooms are spacious, hers is black with pink, mine is black with a silver gray. I like it. Also, if we have our own closets and bathrooms, maybe Bella will agree we should share the main bedroom?

Am I buying this house to lure Bella into my bed? Probably.

The yards are big, have many trees so it is like you are in your own private estate, none of the neighbors houses are visible through the foliage. I like that. Skinny dipping in the pool, very possible.

The kids play area is safe and fully fenced within the property fences so they are doubly safe. I like that. The safety features impress me, I like a man who protests what is his.

Carlisle and I inspect the garages while Bella and Mom go through the whole house again.

"I like that study on the southern side. You call dibs on it, Edward can have the smaller one on the northern wall."

They spend the longest time in the bedrooms, the nursery is amazing, even I felt myself tearing up, knowing my daughter will one day sleep in this room. The owners had all boys until the last baby was a girl, so the room is probably nauseatingly pink and frilly to most couples but to Bella and I, it is indeed perfection. The dormer windows in the main bedroom are my favorite architectural feature. Large and generous, they let in way more light than would first appear.

"Okay, where do I sign?" I ask the agent.

"Do you wish to make an offer, then?" she smiles broadly, no doubt spending her commission mentally.

"I wish to offer the asking price. I want this house. Now. Today."

"Well, that won't be possible. The Taylor's are moving out next Monday, you could take possession then, if you came to an arrangement with them."

"Do it" I growl. I want my Bella in these walls as soon as possible.

She is so happy here.

By the time the women in my life come downstairs, it's done and dusted. I will shortly own my first house. I have the title made out in both my name and Bella's, this is our house together no matter what happens in the future.

"The yard would be amazing for a wedding" the agent says, not noticing Bella stiffen at the mere idea."Did you notice how they planted all the flower gardens around the edges and the arch, with the creepers! In Spring, that would be a mass of white flowers, hanging down. Perfect for a wedding. There have been two weddings here already, so watch out, you two. You could be hitched before you know it. Come and look again, ladies, that yard is quite magical."

Bella throws me a terrified look. I walk over and rub her shoulders.

"It's only a suggestion, not a law. Just smile and ignore her."

Bella goes out behind the other two women who have the entire never happening wedding planned by now, and Bella looks a little sad. Damn women. Not everyone needs the ring and the whole wedding bullshit, why can't they just be quiet and mind their business? I would take Bella any way I can have her and if marriage is out, so be it. I walk to the window to check she is okay and am puzzled, because now she looks almost longingly around, standing at the arch, looking as the agent indicates where the chairs would be, and to my astonishment, while they talk, Bella walks slowly down what is obviously the aisle. She halts at the end and looks to where the groom would stand and steps one step in that direction, as if going to her man.

I walk away so she doesn't see me watching but my mind is examining possibilities, could Little Miss I Never Want To Get Married be weakening?

Well, it won't be to me, I grumble and walk back to the basement, men's domain. It even has a bathroom. How cool is that?

Could I bear to watch Bella marry someone else? What if she wanted the ceremony here? It would tarnish my yard forever. I wouldn't be able to walk out there again without seeing her walk to some other man's side.

When we get back to the apartment, I start packing my books and papers away, making a start, seeing we will move in six days thanks to the agents silver tongue and a bonus payment for early vacant possession. Bella lies on the large bed in her bedroom and stares into space. She has been subdued since we left the house.

"I want to get married" she blurts out suddenly.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. As soon as I saw that yard, something happened to me. I want to walk down that aisle and have you waiting for me at the end."

Me? My heart rate increases.

"But you don't love me" I point out.

"I love you a bit. A lot, really."

"Not like my Mom loves my Dad. I don't think I could settle for less." I admit to her.

"Edward! You make everything so complicated."

"What's the real problem here, Bella?"

"I don't want you to marry someone else."

"Why not?"

"Because you are mine" she states like it is obvious.

"I wish I could be" I answer.

"Edward, what if I am not capable of loving any man like that, ever? What if the strongest feelings I ever have, are my feelings for you? I do care about you far more than any other person in the world, you know. If the world ended today and I had to pick the one person I could save, I would pick you."

"Would you be saved as well?"

"Oh no, I would choose saving you over saving me."

"That's the problem. I wouldn't pick you. If only one person gets to live, I would want us to die together."

She frowns.

"Really?"

"I wouldn't want you to pick me and leave me here alone, without you. Living in a world where you don't exist? That would be Hell. I would rather face Hell, in fact."

She doesn't get it.

"So, you won't marry me?"

I am torn. I want to marry her. I love her more than anyone or anything in existence. I love our child but I would pick Bella over her, I sadly realize. How could I not love my own flesh and blood more?

"What would be in it for me? You don't love me."

"You could have sex with me whenever you wanted."

Shit.

The carrot she dangles is the only thing that could make me accept her insane offer.

"What's in it for you?"

"I want to be a proper married person before I have the baby. It just doesn't seem right, me being Bella Swan, her being Aurora Cullen."

"Aurora?"

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's pretty. Do I get a say in her name?"

"Of course. You name her. I just wanted a name in case you didn't care what she was called."

"Bella,I love our baby. I want her and she is the best thing that ever happened for me. Never doubt that."

"Even though her mother is an emotionally retarded mess?"

"Yes, even though she is."

"You love me no matter what? Unconditionally." Yes, but admitting that seems dangerous while she is in this mood.

I nod. She can't get me on verbal contract with just a nod.

"Please marry me. I promise if I ever love anyone properly, it will be you."

I worry that I am considering this. I should turn her down, refuse.

"Dignity never kept me warm in my empty bed at night, Edward." I hear Siobhan say in my head.

"Okay. I will marry you."

There, the words are out and can't be taken back.

Bella squeals and jumps into my arms, her legs wrapped tightly around my waist.

Her lips are on mine, hungry and needy, like my own. I may as well taste the fringe benefits of my folly.

"At this moment, I feel like I love you very much." she says.

"That's just glee at getting your own way, and lust" I inform her.

"Possibly. Want to start training for the honeymoon?"

Indeed I do.

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

Bella's excited voice echoes down the staircase as she shows Alice and Rose around the house. We decided not to tell them, we waited until we were moved in then invited them to a cookout. Bella made sweet little invitation cards with our new address and now our friends were all here. Emmett was permanently attached to a recliner, watching the enormous flatscreen tv in the media room. Jasper was helping me cook the steaks, and the girls were supposedly making salads but Alice arrived with a dozen containers to save Bella the bother, and Rose handed over a large plastic box containing a pavlova with whipped cream and strawberries, and a cheesecake, so I had to threaten Bella with a punishment if she ate desert before her meat, she needs the iron.

Our bedroom is the top one but I think the main interest is in Aurora's nursery, all women love a pink and frilly baby room it seems.

Alice already has done a heap of baby clothes shopping, she is that confident she is right, so the room is filled with white baby furniture and pink trimmings, and dozens of pink baby clothing items. I think we will have to change her entire outfit four times a day to use every dress, for a start.

"I want a baby, Emmett" whines Rose and Emmett looks a little ill.

"Come on, bro. My daughter needs a playmate."

"I suggest you have two babies then, because Emmett is not having kids until he is 40 and the good times are behind him anyway. Then he will think about rugrats, not before." he replies. Rose scowls, and walks back to the girls, no doubt to complain about him and his answer.

"Oh no, not Alice! Don't you hypnotize my girl into wanting a kid, we are not ready" protests Jasper. Alice sidles up to him and whispers in his ear and he blushes and grins.

"Ah, yeah, maybe we will have a kid after all."

Alice jumps up and down on the spot and claps her hands.

"Bella, that pink daisy print baby dress you didn't like much, I love it. I think I will take it back. Keep it for my own little Princess."

"What did she promise?" I ask Jas.

"She just explained the baby making techniques she is willing to try. Hey, come on, some of them can't even lead to a conception, you guys. I am weak, I am putty in her hands. I love my Alice, why shouldn't we make babies?"

"God no, I forbid it" pipes up Emmett as he paces the deck. "If Bella has her kid then Alice has a kid, I will never get sex again until I agree Rosie can have a kid. You need to stand firm and refuse, Jas. Come on, it's too late for Edward, you have to back me up."

"And just what are you offering me if I do?" asked Jas.

"Um, two boy's nights out per week, football games on Saturdays."

"Hmm" says Jas "And all Alice offered was to play out every sexual fantasy I have ever had. It's a hard call."

Emmett bows down in defeat."You guys will be all family time and I won't have anyone to play with."

"Especially not Rose by the look of it." I give him the heads up. Rose is staring daggers at him.

"Geez, I just wanted a few years after college is over to have some fun, and travel before we had kids."

"Our college days are almost over" points out Jasper "but I will be hoping it takes a while to knock Alice up. I know she wants the fairytale wedding and I bet that doesn't include any maternity dresses, though Bella will have to wear one."

"You two are getting married before Bella has the baby? That's like, four months. when is this happening?"

"Spring" he says shyly almost.

"Well, the first casualty bites the dust" says Emmett.

"Actually, Emm, Bella and I are getting married the first day of Spring so I am guessing we will beat Jasper down the aisle."

"Oh shit no. Babies are bad enough. Now Rosie is going to want to get married as well."

"Do you love her, Emm?" I asked seriously.

"Yeah, course I do."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Edward, you have no choice. You knocked her up, you have to do the decent thing. I just don't want to get trapped into a situation I don't want to be in, too."

"You think I don't want to marry Bella? You, my brother, are insane. I am counting the days to the wedding. I have never looked forward to something so much in my life."

"You are joking? You have to be. You are a good looking, healthy, strongish, male of 23 years of age. Why would you toss that away to get married?"

"Emmett, it's what I long for. I knew the first time I saw Bella, she was the one for me. Well, the night I worked at the club. I met her at reception, like you did, but I knew she was a definite possibility and then I saw her on the dancefloor and man, I was grinning at her like a fool and I knew then, whatever she wanted, I would give her. And we have been through so much shit to get where we are now, I wouldn't change a thing."

"So she loves you now?"

"Yeah. In her own way."

"And that means...no?"

"It means, Bella has some emotional issues. Her parents are somewhat distant with her, she has never been adored and cherished until now and she feels her feelings for me are therefore lesser than mine are for her. I love her enough to trust she will love me just as much in time."

"But aren't you taking one heck of a chance? What if she never has that I-would-die-for-you love? Is anything else going to be enough?"

"Emmett, to me, Rose does not come across as the most devoted girlfriend, yet you believe she loves you enough, don't you?"

"Yeah, but Rosie is different."

"So is Bella. Maybe she will always love me in her own quiet way. Maybe that is better than grand passion and who knows how long that type of over the top love lasts anyway? How many couples do you see completely mad about each other after ten years?"

"Mom and Dad." he answered.

"Maybe there is not that type of love out there for me. I love Bella, whatever love she gives me in return is enough."

"Because it has to be?"

I feel like punching my own brother. I don't need this. I love Bella. She loves me. She does.

I toss the steaks on the serving platter and take them inside where the table is set up with bowls of every type of salad and side dish imaginable. The girls talk through the meal and my silence is not commented on, though Emmett and even Jasper, throw me a few looks.

Not pity, I couldn't cope with pity. I am going to marry the girl of my dreams, I don't need pity.

After they go home and I have cleaned up the kitchen and the grill, and stored the leftovers in the fridge, I climb into bed beside Bella and pull her in close to my body.

She smiles at me and I try to shut down the words Emmett said. There are all types of love. Nobody loves their partner the same amount as their partner loves them. It's just a fact. She wants to marry me, she is having my baby. She doesn't want any other woman to have me. Isn't that love? Isn't that enough?

"Edward?" she looks wary."What's up?"

"How much do you love me, Bella? Is it more than before? More now we are together? Do you love me a little more every day?"

"Where is this coming from?"

"Emmett. I don't think he approves of us getting married because you don't really love me enough to mean the commitment behind the vows."

"Do you agree?"

"Bella, I fear it, I admit. I would marry you any time, under any circumstances but it does worry me that this may be a mistake."

"For you. Not for me."

"That's because you know I love you more than life itself. You know I would never stray or want out. I want you to be really sure."

"What is your main fear?"

"That one day, some man will come along and have the effect on you that you have on me. I crave you, I would kill myself to save you. I would break the law, go to prison for something you did. I would fight for you, kill for you. I love you with all my heart and I know it isn't this way for you. You cried for an entire night after Jake..."

"Do you want to ...forget the wedding? Call it off?"

"I want to do what is best for us all. I just don't know what that is."

"Should I see a shrink? Try and get cured? I do try to love you like that."

"I know you do, my sweet Bella. But you shouldn't have to try. That's the point."

If we don't get married, what will happen to us? I could lose her completely. Maybe I am right to take what I can get and bind her to me by marriage and motherhood. The motherhood is going to happen, anyway. The marriage?

What do I want?

I want her to love me as much as I love her.

That's not something I can make happen, it seems. or she can make happen. Is it enough she wants that as much as I do? I don't want to look for someone else because it will be the same situation. She, whoever she is, will love me more than I love her because I could never have these feelings for another woman. I know that. I have never felt a tiny fraction of what I feel for Bella, before. I had always noticed attractive girls, but they always had some fault I couldn't live with. They never were the complete package, they just had nice eyes or a pretty face or a nice figure. I never felt blown away. Like I wanted them in my life. Maybe I should have slept around and had some more balance to my life? But I love that I have only been with Bella and she with me. I love not having regrets about other girls hanging over my head.

Bella, I want to live with forever.

Am I robbing her though, of finding a man she could love totally and completely and what if she does meet him one day? Will she leave me? Us?

Am I robbing myself? No, because even if every other woman on the planet loved me more than she does, it wouldn't make me happy.I wouldn't care about their love. I only care about hers.

I am much more resolved after my internal dialogue.

"I love you, Bella my love. I do want to marry you. I guess everyone who gets married is taking the chance someone else is out there that their partner may meet and love more, so we are not that different to them."

What would I regret if one of us died in a year? That I wasted the whole year waiting for her to fall madly in love with me? Or would I think, I am glad I married her, at least we had that one year?

I know the answer.

I snuggled closer and held her in my arms. I may have never met her. I may have spent my whole life living vicariously through Emmett and Rose, wishing I wasn't the third wheel, wishing I had someone of my own. I do, I have my Bella and no matter what anyone else thinks, it is enough.

I have more than enough love for all of us.

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

A/N If by some terrible twist of fate you don't know what a pavlova is, either read my profile, or pop in for tea sometime. I always have pavlova.(Be quiet my children, I do not buy it ready made from the bakery. I make it myself and put it in that bakery box.)


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N This is fan FICTION and does not contain medical advice or true facts about chocolate. And yes, I did have to Google Rose's shoes, if shoes don't have yellow stitching and Air Wair tags, I don't own em.**

My New Best Friend

Chapter 11

Decisions

Bella was a little shy our first night in our new bedroom but I just spooned her body to mine and let her make the first move. Sometime in the night I awoke to her hands stroking my body, almost touching my ever there erection, then skimming away and touching my stomach instead. I kept me eyes shut and let myself just feel. Her hands are so soft and warm and every time she brushes against me, I feel myself twitch but I can't help myself. I want her so much.

Just as I relax and decide she isn't going to try anything, her hand grips me and starts stroking me up and down until my hips buck towards her.

"Edward? Do you want to have sex?"

"Bella!" I growl.

"Edward, do you want to make love?" she corrects herself with a giggle.

"Yes, Bella, I would love to make love to you."

She kisses me so I mirror her, deepening the kiss when she does and moaning back as she moves against me so I slip inside. She is ready, waiting for me to enter her and I take things slowly and whisper endearments into her ear as I nuzzle her neck.

"God, this feels so good, I love it when you are inside me" she whispers back.

Maybe it is just the pregnancy hormones but whatever, who knows, Emmett could be right for the first time in his life and so, I make love to her as often as she indicates she wants me too. Luckily for me, that is every morning and most nights. It becomes our routine. Into bed, cuddle, talk, kiss, make love, spoon, sleep, wake up, make love again.

Of course, nothing this good ever lasts and Bella starts experiencing more morning sickness and then evening, and lunch sickness as well, but she is okay mid morning and mid afternoon so when I call in from class to check on her between lectures, we make up for it then.

I feel closer than ever to her at these times and she is always kissing and hugging me so I am starting to hope Emm may be right. She is loving and happy despite the episodes of extreme nausea. When we make love, it feels real, she responds to my every touch and is generous with her compliments and assurances that she wants this as much as I do.

I walk around with a smile a mile wide and the day she has her check up, I miss a class to go with her. She had re enrolled but then had to postpone her return, waiting until she felt better.

I ask the doctor if it is unusual for the sickness to be lasting so long, she is over halfway now, and he replies he has had patients sick until the day they deliver, and others who never even feel slightly nauseous. Bella is just one of the unlucky ones. He sends us off for a 3D scan, probably just as a reassurance but it is the most amazing out of bed experience of my life thus far. Seeing that little baby, so perfectly formed, I can only gaze in awe and grin like a fool.

"She looks good. Not even small for dates, I dare say she is grabbing every calorie you eat. I think maybe you need to discuss your weight with your doctor next visit. "

She is indeed a girl. Never bet against Alice.

As Bella gets dressed, I ask why she said that.

"Your girlfriend has very little body fat, having a baby drains so much from the mother, and she has nothing in reserve."

"I do cook for her but she is sick so much, she avoids eating. I don't know what to do."

"When I was pregnant with my first, I found myself only managing to eat plain things like chicken, potatoes, crisps, nothing spicy or too heavy. How was her blood test?"

"Her iron is down a bit."

"Hmm, take her back and see what her doctor says. She is okay but I am a little concerned at this point. She is tiny herself. We don't want her too depleted at the birth, especially if she plans to breastfeed."

She hands me the DVD of the scan and prints of some still photos of our daughter's face, and whole body images, that I find so fascinating I can't stop looking at them. I told her the baby was named Aurora and so her name is printed on the edge every photo. Aurora Cullen. I am so proud I could burst and I am sure everyone is sick of my constant anecdotes on how amazing my unborn daughter is. Nobody else seems to get how truly miraculous this particular baby is, much more so than any other baby ever born, as I tell Bella.

She indulges me and smiles at my every Aurora based conversation.

The doctor prescribes iron tablets and a vitamin supplement and tells Bella to eat more, even if it doesn't stay down long.

"That's easy for him to say. I spend more time throwing up than sleeping and you know how much I sleep now."

It's true. Her life seems to be divided between sleeping, bathroom visits for one end or the other, small snacks rather than large meals, and love making, which she insists is necessary and she needs some fun.

I love fun making, so no arguments from me.

The next visit is concerning. Bella is losing weight, still ill, still sleeping, and her face is thinner, paler and the purple bags under her eyes are taking away from the pregnancy glow she once had.

Her food intake is insufficient, much as she tries to eat every two hours. Many times she has barely finished before she rushes to the bathroom.

I worry but try not to show her.

"I think maybe a little pro active over caution is needed, Bella. A few days in hospital, on a drip, maybe with some supplementary feeding."

That sounds a little scary but I am relieved he is doing all he can.

Carlisle assures me her doctor is the best and he would have done the same, so I visit when I can, and sleep beside her during her stay, even though we are told it will only be a few more days before she is home. There's no point trying to sleep apart so we don't try to.

I miss our love making but it for a good cause and everyone seems sure she will soon be better so I resort to shower time loving and settle for that.

Bella is frustrated so I help her out when we have enough privacy and she is grateful and always ready as soon as I touch her.

Alice, Rose, Esme and the new to this town Siobhan all visit and cheer her up but her biggest smile is reserved for me and she never fails to hold her hand out the moment I arrive at her door.

"Edward."

I never liked my name much but the way she says it, now I am happy my Mom chose it.

Bella makes it sound like the best name a man could have. Her voice is always full of concern that I am coping with all this drama, but all I care about is her and the baby.

A little inconvenience is nothing.

One day, she seeks out my erection and brings me to the brink then over the top as I try to keep aware enough to stop her if anyone walks down the corridor, but she is determined to give me some loving, so what can I do but enjoy her hand on me, and I kiss her thank you when it's over. Funny how much more enjoyable her hand is to my own.

I want her home but there is a delay as her weight has dropped again.

Carlisle pulls me aside after he is asked to examine and consult.

"Edward, I hope it never happens, but she is getting to a crisis point. I know a termination this late is a tragedy but if we lose Bella, we lose the baby as well. I fear we are getting to the point where you may have to consider what you want us to do."

The baby cannot survive, at 23 weeks, even if it does, it will probably be damaged and handicapped.

Bella, as always, comes first to me and I hate the thought of having to sacrifice Aurora to save her mother, but I know if it comes to that, I will choose Bella.

x~x~x~x~x~

BPOV

My life is such a mess, I can hardly stand being awake now. The supplementary feeding straight into my bowel is painful but necessary for us to have any chance of keeping Aurora alive. I am not concerned about myself, I will either live through this crisis or not. But I need them to save her no matter what.

She is the best thing to ever happen to Edward and nothing can stop her getting to term and being born alive so I listen with complete horror when several so called experts call in and examine me and conclude a termination is called for, or I won't make it through the month.

"Never. Not happening. I can keep going. Just give me more drugs or something. You are not taking her away from Edward."

"Bella, we have to consider your health. The pregnancy is killing you. I am sorry to be so blunt."

"No. Go away."

Carlisle sits on the chair beside my bed. His voice is quiet and serious, his face ashen with fear and concern.

"He would not survive without you, you know. Even if we pulled off a miracle and saved the baby, if we lose you, we lose him. You can try again in a year or so, get your health back, build yourself up, gain weight so you have some reserves next time."

"Carlisle, there is nothing you can say or do to make me consider letting this baby go. I am having her for your son. He would never get over losing her. He would adjust if he lost me. I am not what thinks I am. His soulmate. But one day he will meet a woman worthy of that title. A woman who would willingly die for him."

Carlisle scoffs.

"You are his everything."

"Aurora is his everything, I am merely the person entrusted to give birth to her and I will."

He shakes his head and Esme is in for a visit an hour later, telling me how they lost their first baby and how she went on to have two normal pregnancies and healthy sons and much as she missed the chance to raise their daughter, she felt the boys compensated for that loss.

"I don't feel that way. I need to give Edward this baby. Not another one sometime in the future. He loves Aurora with all his heart."

I know if we lose her, he would never agree to let me have another try. It's her or no baby, ever.

"He loves you, Bella. He would not want you to sacrifice yourself for her. And we would lose you both if she is born now anyway. You have to choose to stay for my son and let her go. She wasn't meant to be. I know how painful it is, I lived it. But that's my point, I did survive and Carlisle and I did grieve but we did survive. You and Edward can too."

The medication through the drip stops the sickness some days, other days all I do is vomit until my stomach screams in pain so at first I don't even notice the pains are regular and getting worse.

When I do, I scream for Carlisle and he is beside me in an instant.

"The vomiting has irritated your uterus, labor has begun."

"Stop it. There must be a way."

"Bella, it means more drugs, and more sickness and you are already going through Hell."

"No, hell would be letting Edward down and losing her. Do it. Now."

Another drip is set up and boy, he is right. I thought the vomiting was bad before, now it is constant and I can't even drink water so all my nutrition is coming via the drips. Edward is by my side, begging me constantly to accept the inevitable before the baby and I both die.

"I am sorry I am such a failure and I will never give in. I am fighting until the end."

He sobs and kisses the hand with the least needles inserted.

"I need you with me. I can't let you go."

Another wave of nausea, he must be so tried of the vomiting and smell and drama. I pity him more than I pity myself because now he blames himself for ever getting me pregnant. It never occurs to him, if he had chosen a normal woman, she would be sitting at home making baby clothes and preparing the nursery, not stuck in a hospital failing him at the most basic level.

Day follows day, each the same. I have nothing left to throw up but it doesn't stop the spasms.

Carlisle orders more drugs, he has become my main doctor now, and I am grateful to be kept semi conscious so I can still appreciate Edward being here but the pain is dulled to the point I doze on and off all day and night.

"You need to go home and sleep" I tell my Edward.

"I can't leave you."

He only leaves for mere minutes, to eat and drink, to shower, he doesn't even shave and he wears scrubs instead of going home and doing even the washing. He cares about nothing but me and Aurora.

"Bella."

I try to open my eyes. They refuse to co operate.

"They are talking of putting you into an induced coma. It means we will most likely lose you once the baby is delivered. You will be a mere incubator. Please choose to live. I know you don't love me but I cannot live without you."

"I do love you, Edward. I love you enough to die for your baby. You deserve her, she will be innocent and sweet and love you properly from the start. No like me, needing something this horrible to even discover how much you mean to me."

"What if I tell you I don't want her without you?"

"You do. Don't deny the love you have for her. I saw it in your eyes every single day from the moment you knew she existed."

He sobs and strokes my arm.

"I love you more."

"I don't deserve your love. She does."

Suddenly I realise, my stomach hasn't cramped or revolted against the drugs for the entire conversation.

I am too cautious to hope but as the day passes and I feel better for the rest from the spasms, I know I am winning, even if they don't.

I will give life to his baby. I will fulfill my promise to them both.

"Dr Cullen. There are no contractions recorded for two hours now." says the nurse, examining the readout from the machine attached to the belt around my waist. Carlisle smles at me after reading it closely.

"Keep this up and prove the best medical opinions wrong, Isabella."

I nod and slip into sleep and wonder what Edward will think when he hears I was right. I can keep my heart beating until she is developed enough to survive. He is in the shower in the adjoining bathroom. Alice is sitting beside me, smiling and teary eyed with hope. Rose is at our house, washing Edward's clothes and sending Emmett out to cut the grass and clean the pool. Everyone is fighting for us in any way they know how.

The days pass and most days are good, almost, there are days where they have gotten me almost weaned off the drugs and then the nausea or contractions return, but more often than not, things are better.

I can drink, and I even ate today for the first time. Jello, and a broth that tasted like ambrosia after the absence of food for so long.

"28 weeks today" says Carlisle, smiling at last.

'You are not delivering her yet, let's wait" I beg.

Of course, they all argue and try to talk some 'sense' into me. I think every single pregnancy expert has passed through my door by now. They often gang up against me but I just smile and picture Edward pushing that little girl on the swing in the playground and know I have to fight for her. I appreciate they went to medical school for years and have handled cases just like mine and they know everything, but I am just one person. The mother. I know what is best for my child. She would be long dead had I listened to them and she is kicking madly against my spine.

I can hear her voice in my head, as she laughs and reaches out to her Daddy every time he comes into the room. I find my own hands reaching out to him for her. She wants him to fight for her, too.

I know he is terrified I will die but there is no way this heart of mine will stop beating until I hear her scream in indignation for being unceremoniously dragged from inside me, when she is bigger and stronger and ready to be born.

My dreams day and night are about Edward and Aurora and their life together. I can see her plain as day. Her hair is auburn, like his, and it hangs down her back in ringlets, like his did. Esme showed me the photos and I know his daughter will be beautiful, just like he is. Her eyes are as green as emerald's, her heart as loving and pure as her father's, she has none of my defects. I can't help but realize I am not in these dreams with them but I have complete faith Edward will raise her properly and love her enough for two. He always loved me enough for both of us, back when I was too blind to know he was my everything, the reason I was born.

I don't want to leave him, God knows, but every moment he is with me here, I feel our time is slipping away. I need to show him in some way, how I feel about him because he doesn't know. He thinks I am still stupidly ignorant of how my heart beats only for him, and the child who will fulfill his every wish. She will save him, no matter what Esme and Carlisle think. He will never leave her. Somedays it almost seems like it was always going to end this way because he deserves a better woman than I am, someone who knows what her heart tried to tell her all along.

Some one who won't hide under the covers, afraid to open her heart and examine her true feelings, and express them openly. Why did I ever think I could not love him? It seems so ridiculously insane now.

Aurora knows how much I love him and she will love him for me, after I am gone from their lives so that brings me a sense of peace. Alice sits and holds my hand.

"Bella, no. Stay."

I must be talking out loud.

"I will not leave until she is safe" I promise."Look after Edward for me. You have to swear you will make him find the right woman to help him raise her. I don't want her growing up without a Mommy, like I did."

Alice shakes her head.

"He will never love another woman, no matter how long he lives."

She doesn't understand, that is what I want for him, and for Aurora. A proper, decent woman. A woman with a heart that works.

"No Alice, don't say that, please." I beg, I have no strength to waste on making tears but they course down my face anyway.

After she leaves, Rose comes and sits with me while Edward takes a much needed meal break and she orders him to go get some sleep, yelling at him, saying he is no use to me in this state. And she tells him to shave that ridiculous half beard off, he looks like a hobo. She grabs his hair, now long and floppy.

"Honestly, do you want your daughter to think Grizzly Adams is her dad? Go get cleaned up. I won't leave Bella's side until you come back looking human, and not homeless."

Then it appears to be my turn.

"Bella, I get it, believe me. You have to save this baby. I agree with you, I am on your side. But you think you can just leave after she is born and I know that's what you intend doing and it's bullshit. You know it, I know it. Jesus, that man is less than half a person at the moment. Do you want your daughter to be raised by some grieving cripple who will never get over your loss? What sort if life would that be for Aurora? A dad stuck in the past, wishing he could turn back time. A dad full of sorrow and regrets, a dad who wished you had never been conceived? Do you want her growing up knowing she killed you? You have fought for her, now fight for you. Fight for him. You think we will enjoy having emo Edward for the rest of our lives?

You completed him so you have an obligation, woman. Stay here for him. Wake up to yourself, he wants you even more than he wants her. You didn't see him. He begged his own father to knock you out against your will and take the baby. Not once, not in a moment of weakness, but time and time again. You are his life now. You owe him. He needs years of getting to see how much you love him. He deserves it, so bloody get better and hang in there for him.

You seriously don't want Alice and I raising her. I will have her as vain as I am by the time she can walk. She will take her first steps to get closer to a mirror. Alice will have her shopping, choosing her next designer diaper, before she can speak. Is that what you want her to be? Some silly empty headed child who measures her own value by her looks and the brand on her jeans? She needs you, the Mom who thinks shoes were made to keep the stones from cutting up your feet, not to impress people by what brand they are and what they cost.

Oh, those Manolo Blahnik alligator boots arrived and I got them already by the way. Now they are to die for."

She sits beside me, holding my hand, so sure she has gotten through to me and she seems convinced now she has pointed out, dying is not an option, that I will smarten up and live.

The thought of Aurora growing up with Alice and Rose does not fill me with fear because I know, at least she will learn how to love and express herself, they will be better mother's to her than I could ever hope to be. I feel drained and tired, my usual feelings these days. I barely have the strength to roll onto my other side, so many tubes and pieces of equipment in my way. Rose stands and rolls me with little effort, moving my pillows to a better angle, covering me with a blanket. See, she knows how to show love, it's me who is so emotionally retarded I can't even copy her example.

Edward is here, I don't have to open my eyes and prove it, I can feel him as he walks down the hallway and as he nears, my whole body buzzes and comes alive. My hearing increases, my sense of smell sharpens and I breathe in his scent, my hands reach out and he touches me, giving me his life force through his fingers. His lips kiss my hands, then my face, leaving my skin begging for more contact.

Edward. My heart is refilled by his presence so I fall asleep as he lays beside me, stroking my side with his long fingers, and it feels like Heaven.

x~X~x~x~x~x

EPOV  
All those ridiculous fiction writers who think there is anything remotely romantic about watching the one you love dying in front of your eyes should be taken out and lined up against a wall and shot.

Everything the doctors do to Bella, I feel. The needles in her arms sting me too, but in my heart. The drugs that soothe her and sometimes send her into periods of happiness are false, she thinks she is improving but all it takes is a glance beneath the covers, to see her bones through her skin, and you can see the truth, without years of training at med school. She is dying.

I want to caress the bulge in her body that holds our daughter but the sight of it fills me with such pain and regret. I am killing her and thus killing myself. My actions have brought her to this point. When she takes her last breath, it will be my fault.

How much do condoms cost again? A dollar each? I have, how much money? I could buy a condom factory and hardly notice the cost in my bank balance.

I saved a dollar and I paid with her life.

My life seems inconsequential now. It will end when hers ends. Sure, I will go on eating and drinking and breathing after she stops, because she is dying for me, to give me my child, and I would never disrespect her gift by killing myself and leaving Aurora to be raised by others. I will be there for her but I know I will be just an empty shell.

The nurse comes in and rolls Bella over and sets up the bowel feeding. I force myself to watch, to suffer as she suffers, She can't eat, she hasn't eaten for months although she dreams she does. She was moving her mouth the other day, chewing, imagining she was eating.

Once upon a time, I pushed my thumb inside her there when we were making love. She growled and said "Edward, that is exit only." and I laughed and made her come while my thumb stayed there and she gapsed at the new senstaion and decided she did like it after all.

Now they are using it to force nutrients into her body. The bowel can absorb them faster and easier than a tube down her throat so she suffers this indignity to keep the baby fed and alive.

The scans show Aurora is not suffering. She is average sized, active, healthy, and beautiful. Her mother is emaciated, ill, skin and bone, and dying.

The contrast is heart breaking but she thinks she is holding her own. Her brain is merciful and imagines better times.

A nurse once gave her a taste of jello, and Bella talked in her sleep for days after, lost in a world where she ate and drank like the rest of us.

Then they gave her a sip of some kind of meat broth and she held it down for an hour before vomiting it back.

Knowing she will die without even getting to enjoy another meal is yet another knife in my heart. Alice leaves me chocolate, knowing I rarely venture out to eat and I break off a piece and slip it into Bella's mouth. Nothing can hurt her now, she is past the point where there is any hope she can recover. She has had her moments, she has fought harder than a general in a war, she has had small victories along the way, days when she was lucid and not vomiting and the spasms stopped for hours on end, but they come back, and Carlisle looks at me and increases her drip feedings and walks out, a look of despair and hopelessness on his face. He knows this is one fight he will lose and it is the fight he wanted to win the most.

He thinks I blame him because he refused to go against her wishes back when there was still hope of saving her, when he said no to me when I begged him on my knees to knock her out and do the termination forcefully. She wouldn't have known. We could have lied and said the baby had died already. But his principles prevented him saving her for me. "First do no harm."

I would laugh if it wasn't so tragically sad. He had the power and means to save her, we could all have lived with the lie. I could have held my daughter and kissed her goodbye, knowing her death was not in vain, not sacificed for mere convenience or selfishness, but to save my Bella. I would have done anything to save her but now I just sit back like the rest of them with their fancy degrees and experience, and watch her skip closer to the light.

She is moving her mouth as the choclate melts on her tongue, and she swallows it down. How long until her stomach rebels and sends it back?

"More" she says clearly and I break off another piece. Does it matter how much she vomits back? Really? At this point, a single moment of any kind of happiness is worth the price.

"Mmmm. Edward."

My reward. I laugh at her lips, her tongue is searching for any smears she left uneaten.

"More".

That's my Bella. Moments like these break the constant heartbreak and give me a tiny piece of the old Bella, the one who hid chocolate in the apartment and our new house and thought I didn't know. I would hear her in the night, moaning for it. I would see her stealthily open a drawer and sneak a piece, thinking I was too engrossed in studying to be aware of what she was doing. She was an addict and if her addiction made her passing one iota easier, I am all for it.

I place another square on her tongue. Her mouth opens eagerly, sucks on my fingers, and she moans in contentment.

"What the heck?' says Emmett as he walks in."God, Edward, for a minute I thought you were..touching her. The moans.."

"I think Bella likes chocloate as much as she likes sex, Emm. I can't give her that so I give her this."

Bella is moving her head and opens her mouth again.

"More."

Emm and I laugh, one of the few times we have felt anything but pain in her presence.

I give her more and he looks at me.

"You know she is going to be really ill. How much has she had?"

I shrug. What does it really matter?

I let her lick my fingers and she sucks on them and leaves them spotless, not a trace of the chocolate left to accuse me of my crime.

She sleeps and I stay, even after Emm goes home to Rose. My house is clean, my hair is cut, I am clean shaven and dressed in my own clothes and I have brought a bag of other outfits in with me. I can hardly defy Rose. She may start sticking me with syringes if I do.

I feel more like myself, now I look like me again, the me I was before.

Alice comes in and hands me a plate of food.

"Eat. She doesn't react to food in the room any more. It used to make her sick but I guess, she is sick all the time anyway."

I move to near the door just in case the aroma sends Bella off, I want her to sleep.

Alice has made me chicken and salad sandwiches and despite my never ending despair, I eat. I rarely enjoy anything but I cannot make a mockery of Bella's huge sacrifice, her ultimate gift, by not being at my best when Aurora is born. I need to be strong for her and I know emotionally I will be the biggest mess, so physical health is all I can offer her.

Alice is stroking Bella's forehead.

"She is still beautiful, despite it all" she says and I nod. Through the tubes and the machines, something, some essence of my Bella shines through still. Maybe it is her beautiful aura.

"More."

"What did she say?"

I smile and return to my spot, breaking off the sweet confectionary and placing it on her tongue.

"Edward, should you..?" asks Alice.  
"Why not? What's it going to do, kill her?"

Alice sobs and I feel instant remorse for my words.

"Alice, I'm sorry." I hug her to me and rub her back as she cries.

"Bella is a chocoholic and so she dies with a single moment of pleasure in her mind, isn't that a good thing? Nothing can save her now, so the nil by mouth rules don't count. She will be sick soon anyway."

I glance at my watch. It's been ages since she last vomited, no doubt she wants to keep her drug of choice in as long as she can.

I give her more and feel almost reckless, free to flaunt the rules, they couldn't save her anyway.

Bella lies there, only her mouth moves.

"Nom nom nom."

Alice is forced to grin.

"Shit, I wish I had known this earlier. What's her favorite brand?"

I write a list. Bella always shops at a little candy store that sells imported chocolate, she says American chocolate sucks, yet she is enjoying it today. I feel excited at the thought of her getting to taste her beloved treats from Switzerland and the UK, she loves their brands.

Alice dashes off and returns with a bag full of Bella's favourite treats. She has slept for an hour and still no illness.

Her eyes open, and she smiles at me.

"More."

I grin at her and hold up her two most wanted bars.

"Which one?"

She battles with herself, torn between the choices, so I open both and slip a piece into her waiting mouth.

"Am I dead? Is this Heaven?' she asks.

I slip a piece of the other bar in.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah, I knew Heaven would be all about chocolate."

She is so easy to love.

Carlisle enters and frowns at me as he reads her chart.

"It's medicinal" I inform him and defiantly give her another taste, right in front of his disapproving face.

She smiles, her eyes shut and she savors the taste.

"Nom nom nom."

Even he is forced to grin.

"How long since she last vomitted?"

I shrug.

"Hours."

His forehead creases.

"Really?"

He reads her chart and takes her hand, reading her pulse.

"Stronger."

He places her cold hand down and beckons me outside.

"We have to operate soon, the baby is big enough to survive now. It's seven weeks early but we can cope with that easily."

"Bella isn't strong enough."

"Edward, Bella will never be strong enough. You know that."

"One more week" I beg, pretending it's for the baby's sake, knowing it's because I need another week with her. Before she leaves me behind forever.

He sighs and puts her chart back and walks away, shaking his head, no doubt worrying his indulgence is wrong but I need to say goodbye in my own time.

I stroke her face and know I will never be the same person after she is gone. I will never be me again.

I will be some robot who nurtures his daughter and grieves day and night for her mother. I will be a ghost who walks and talks and has no heart because she will have taken it with her. I will be a man who watches his child grow and know my actions gave her life at the unspeakable expense of Bella's own life.

Bella smiles in her semi doze.

"More."

X`x~x~x~x~

There are more discussions about Bella than about all the other patients in the whole hospital combined. Everyone has the same goal, save her life. They know they risk the baby by delaying, but Bella is improving and we all want her to get to the point where she can survive the birth before making the decision that would kill her if they act in haste.

Since her chocolate addiction kicked in, she has been eating, mainly chocolate but it seems to be the one thing she doesn't throw back up, so whatever. Her color is improving, her weight has stabilized and today she actually weighs more than yesterday so maybe she has turned the corner. The weeks reprieve has been extended three times because of her gradual improvement.

The baby is fine, active, still trying to steal every calorie we get into her precious mother.

I stay at Bella's side all the time, rarely moving. The bathroom breaks are necessary but everything else can be brought to me. I eat, sleep, live beside her.

"I want toast."

I look in surprise.

"Is that a brand of chocolate?" I check with her.

She laughs and her face lights up.

"I crave toast. With honey."

Alice disappears at a run and is soon back with toast and honey and Bella eats it like it is the finest delicacy. She isn't ill, and we all start to hope.

Lunchtime, she wants the soup her mother made her when she had chicken pox at age four so Renee is phoned, at the hotel where she and her second husband Phil have been staying since they came to be with Bella.

Renee arrives with potato and bacon soup at lunchtime and Bella eats it while we talk about the things Renee has been doing these last few months since she and Bella last talked, before she got ill.

Renee is reading aura's so that's interesting and she shrieks that Bella and I have identical aura's only mine is stronger, which is no surprise. Bella is distracted and eats the entire bowl without thinking so I tense up and wait for the inevitable but she surprises us all. It's been twenty whole wonderful days since she was last sick.

She just has chocolate for dinner and hums as she sucks it in her mouth and it melts down her throat.

"Nom nom nom." I grin at my favorite sound now.

I massage her feet which are always cold, and rub her legs that ache, and her back which spasms from too much lying in bed.

Bella moans in a way that affects my whole body as I help her back muscles relax.

"When can we have...make love?"

"When you have given birth and are better." I reply. I long to be inside her every day but it isn't going to happen until she is out of danger. Carlisle is thrilled with her progress. She is drinking so they are offering her protein shakes which she screws her nose up at but drinks slowly.

The nausea has disappeared at last.

The contractions have not occurred in weeks, but she still has the drip that keeps them away.

Days pass slowly and she is bored and I am thrilled she is well enough to be bored.

"Edward."

"No"

I know what she wants.

"Nobody comes near us around this time, we could shut the door and put a chair against it."

"Bella!" I growl.

She pouts so I lay beside her and massage her breasts under her top. She insists on getting dressed, at the moment her wardrobe consists of my pajama pants and her cami tops. Despite her increased girth, my pants still hang loosely.

She starts to breathe heavier and I stop.

"I can't risk hurting you. Let me ask Carlisle what is okay and what isn't."

This will be embaressing.

I go to his office and he asks me to come in.

"Yes, Edward. What can I do for you."

"Ah, Bella...wants..Is it okay if she...can I...?"

"Are we talking about sex?"

I almost growl and insist he uses the making love phrase.

"Yes."

"No penetration."

I sit back in shock.

"God, no, I had no intention.."

"Gentle hands, kept to the outside. Oral is okay for her, not you. The hormones in semen.."

I nod, shutting him up. I don't expect anything from her, I just want to make her happy.

"I will check her reading after, see if it causes any problems."

The baby is big enough to be born now with little risk of complications for her, it's just Bella we are waiting to catch up.

I blush.

"Lock the door" he advises and hands me a door hanger from his desk drawer. I don't even want to know why he has this, no doubt when my mother visits if he isn't home as often as she wants, he has to...use it. I walk back, feeling better than I have in a long time.

I place the "Medical procedure in progress ~ Do Not Enter" sign on the doorknob.

Bella peeks at me from under the sheet. I lock the door and slide up beside her.

"Just outside stuff, and oral" I tell her.

"Oral then" she grins wickedly and I can see my old Bella is back.


	12. Chapter 12

My New Best Friend

Chapter 12

Endings

God, I just want today over and everything to be okay. I just need Bella to be alive. That's all I ask. After weeks of progress and optimistic predictions, things blew up this morning big time. Bella's heart started to go into an arrhythmia and Carlisle has decided enough is enough and she is currently being prepped for surgery.

The baby will be delivered by C section and I swear, I will never risk Bella's life like this again. Even if the unthinkable happens and Aurora doesn't survive, no more.

I want to get a vasectomy.

Bella is adamant I may need to impregnate some mythical future wife, that I never want to meet. If I can't have Bella, I don't want any other woman.

Alice arrives and sits beside me, rubbing my hand in hers.

"I know they will both survive so relax."

"What's this heart thing, then?"

"Carlisle explained it's from the drugs. It is temporary, Edward. Once the baby is delivered, she will start to improve again."

I don't know why we all trust every word out of Alice's mouth but we do.

"Bella will survive? She will be okay?"

I have to hear it from her lips.

"Bella will survive and be okay. You will both be fine and so will Aurora. In fact, I see your wedding soon."

"No, Alice" I shake my head sadly.

"I can't marry her. I was being ridiculous even agreeing to in the first place. I love her too much to tie her to me."

"Edward, it took one hell of a crisis to show her how much she loves you, why would you reject her now?"

"What do you mean? Nothings changed for her."

"Oh right. So, she risked her life to give you a child because she is your friend. Yeah, like I would do that for you or Emmett, I would only ever do it for Jasper. Bella loves you. Bella was willing to die to make sure you got the child she thinks is the most important person in the world to you."

I looked at things from that angle.

"I told her repeatedly I loved her more than I love the baby and I wouldn't want her to choose to die to save it."

"But what she thinks she is hearing, is you not wanting to live with the guilt of knocking her up if she dies. She thinks Aurora is your life and she is just the incubator by comparison. She asked me to make sure you met a woman who will love you as much as she does if she doesn't make it. She doesn't want you to be alone the rest of your life."

"She wants Aurora to have a Mom. That's understandable but I could never love anyone else."

"I know, sweetie. I know."

Rose walks up and sits beside me.

"So, the moment of truth. Are you allowed in for the birth?"

"Carlisle thinks so at this stage but it will literally be just for the birth then he will kick me out and I guess I will go to the nursery with the baby but I want to be with Bella."

I started pacing and Rose laughed.  
"God, Edward, fathers only pace the floor in tv shows, sit down."

"I can't. They are doing tests on Bella's heart. They should be done by now."

I have no sooner spoken than Bella gets pushed off the elevator and into the OR.

Carslisle approaches me and I scan his face intently, looking for clues.

"Carlisle?"

"Nothing irreversible but I have a bad feeling. She is very volatile and unstable, I wish we could wait a few more days and see if things will settle down. Her heart is okay at the moment. She wants the baby delivered in a non-emergency situation and we are really on the borderline already if we want to do that."

"Wait if it's better for Bella."

"I would but she is panicking already that we are leaving it too long. Go scrub up and get dressed and meet me at the door in ten."

"What time are Charlie and Renee and the others coming?" asks Rose.

"Too late for us to delay. I told them about two hours from now so somebody should go call them and say we couldn't wait and have to start now. Make sure you explain nothing more has happened."

"I will do it" offers Rose and I nod in thanks.

Rose and Alice kiss me for luck and I go prepare to see Aurora, the second most important female in my world, join us here.

The nurse helps me and is way too friendly, even offering to be 'of any kind of help" I may desire and I want to vomit. My love is in danger, my child is about to be born after months of growing in an unstable uterus, her bloodstream full of the drugs they pumped into Bella, and this woman is offering me sex? I hate humans sometimes.

Carlisle lets me in so I stand beside Bella and wink at her as she gazes at me, clearly terrified.

"If I die.."

"No, you are not going to die. Stop it."

"Edward, if I do, I want you to promise to find the right woman and marry her." Her voice catches on the m word.

"I fully intend marrying the right woman, just as soon as she recovers from my baby's birth." I inform her.

"Me?' she squeaks.

"Bella, tell me the truth. Do you love me?"

She smiles and holds my hand tightly.

"More than anything."

"Right, then, Isabella Swan, will you do me the honor of agreeing to be my wife?"

"I...yes."

"Okay, then that's settled. The wedding is back on and this time, nothing stops it from happening."

I feel warm and so happy to know Alice is right, Bella loves me.

"Edward, we need to get going. Sit here out of the way please. You can be back beside Bella in a minute."

Bella's arms are stretched out and tied down and her drip's changed, her uterus no longer sedated to keep it from contracting.

It takes only a few minutes until the yell of an angry red baby is filling the room.

Bella smiles and I hold her hand as it is released.

The nurse hurries Aurora away and she is back a few minutes later.

"Six pounds but she is early so that's not bad at all. Plenty of full term babies weigh six pounds" she reassures us.

The pink blanketed baby is placed in my hands and I gaze at the face of the child we made. Instant love, and happiness is all I feel, thank God. None of this crisis was her doing, she didn't ask to be conceived. That was our folly.

Bella starts to cry when I lay the baby on her chest and pull the blanket back so she can see the pretty little face.

She smiles to assure me it's good crying and I lift the baby back up and hand her back to the waiting nurse.

Bella's eyelids droop and I smile at first, thinking she is tired, but alarms sound and I am pushed outside, when Carlisle orders Emmett to keep me out.

"Cardiac arrest" someone yells and all hell breaks loose and people are running everywhere and I am pushed down into a chair. Alice and Rose are grabbing at each other in fright and searching for someone to say it is going to be okay. Emmett and Jas hold me down as I try to shake them off to go back to Bella. The crash team are there and the doors fly open as some nurse runs out with a blood sample.

They are all working on her, and I shake my head because it can't end like this.

Emmett senses my collapse and let's me go, and Jas keeps just one hand on me.

I stand and pace and as more alarms sound, I know I have to get out of here because I cannot hear the words they will say.

"I can't be wrong I am never wrong " screams Alice

Someone in that room asks the time, a sure sign they are about to call it and I don't want to hear any more, so I run out of there, Jasper at my heels but I am faster than him. Charlie and Renee are rushing in and Charlie's face drops when he sees me rush past him. Seth and Jake are with them, hand in hand, and Jake sinks to the floor.

"No!" screams Renee. Charlie is staring at me, his face anguished and desperate to hear I am running for some other reason but I can't speak, I can't tell him. I turn and run again, it's what I do, when I can't cope, I run.

Emmett is shouting my name and I run even faster, because it cannot be his job to tell me she is gone. The Volvo is unlocked and I pull the keys free from my pockets under the scrub suit and I pull away before Jas comes close enough to be risk me hitting him with the car.

I swerve to avoid my mother as she drives into the carpark, and the open road beckons and offers me a way out, so I take it, careless of other traffic but coming to my senses somewhat and drive more carefully because somehow deep down, my brain knows I still need to be there for my daughter, even if I don't even want to consider her at the moment.

The wind rushes in the window and makes me shiver and I feel deathly cold but maybe it is just me.

I don't know where to go. I don't want to speak and I definitely don't want to hear anyone's words of sympathy and grief, I have too much of my own to cope with theirs. Drive aimlessly, in a daze, I have no idea where I am, if I am headed anywhere.

My car seems to know where to take me and I find myself at twilight, sitting in front of the house where Bella grew up and it feels lost and empty. I walk around the back and gaze up at her window and pull myself up the tree outside her window. It's unlocked, so I slip inside and lay on her old bed, searching for her here. Is this where she would come and live? Would she want to watch over her father? Would she choose him over our child? She knew I would be there for Aurora, and I will be, I just need time. Charlie has nobody else, I think she will choose to stay here and maybe visit us now and again to see her daughter grow up. Her baby photos are on the walls, and I gaze at her chubby face and toothless grin and messy hair and she grows into a toddler, in her mother's arms, Renee kissing her face, loving her. How did Renee manage to walk away from this beautiful child? How could she have decided what she wanted was more important than what Bella needed from her?

She is the reason Bella took so long to discover she loved me, Bella never knew what to look for, what signs meant she was in love. She made assumptions when she was with Jake and never saw the signs that he didn't love her and it left her confused to the point she couldn't recognise true feelings when they shone like a beacon. Alice saw the truth, Alice knew Bella loved me.

I wonder if I will go insane with grief because if so, I hope it happens soon so maybe I will think I can see her and talk to her and she can finally tell me the words she never managed, not really. Not like they meant when I said them to her. I want to hear them so desperately.

I touch her books, dog eared where she has read them and reread them, they got to spend years in her company. Longer than I did so I envy them. I bet she used to squeal in delight when Charlie bought her these books, I bet she even maybe kissed the covers. I can't feel her here and it bothers me.

I walk slowly down the stairs and she ages in the photos. First birthday, second birthday, third, fourth, cakes made by her Mom, a cake with a doll inside, made to be the doll's skirt, pink icing, little candies stuck over the hemline. Then she is five and it's shop bought and Charlie looks lost and bewildered, like I will look by the time Aurora turns five. He looks like a man who lost his soul. I know that, because I have lost mine.

I'm not worried, it's with my heart and I trust her to look after both for me until I get to join her, wherever she is. For a minute, I long to go now and find her, and not have to let the pain start to fester, but I can't leave the baby because she is Bella's misguided but loving gift to me and she always will be. I will never let that little girl down. If it is true, if she needs some other woman to be her Mom, then I will marry some woman that I don't love, I guess, just to do the last thing Bella asked me to do. I can pretend. I can try honesty, I guess, first. Tell her why I want to marry her. Tell her I have to do it for Bella. But I won't be a real husband to her.

Six years old, off to school, her face creased with worry, and somehow I know it's not going to school she fears, it's leaving Charlie alone at home. Even though he has his work, she knows he lived for her alone and like a role reversal, she is suffering for him.

Maybe that was early learning experience for her, learning to suffer for others. Learning to give, not take. Her emotions damaged before even reaches school age. The feelings she doesn't deserve love, and can't give love.

Now she is ten, and wearing a pair of shorts and she is holding a fish that she must have caught but she is holding the rod well away from her body. Jake is with her, a young, lanky Jake with a pretty face and black hair too long for a boy his age. He is looking at her and it confuses me so it must have confused him, maybe he did love her as much as he could. Maybe he was emotionally damaged and it brought them together.

Now she is a teen and standing awkwardly with her friends. The others are paired off, boys bravely holding their girls hands, Bella looking like the spare wheel. I know how that felt, that was me, too.

Unlike the photos my Mom has of me at that age, she is smiling. I always looked angry or maybe I was just lost. Maybe I thought I would never have what other people had, even back then.

Then she is working in the bar, her arms around Jacob, he is holding her tightly and laughing. I didn't even know her yet but she looks much the same as when we first met. Maybe she is a year younger, her face is rounder than the day we met. I remember that.

The next photo is Bella and Charlie, and she is sitting on his knee. He looks uncomfortable, like her being that close is not what he would have chosen, I bet he will look at this photo and wish he could turn back time, put his arms around her, kiss her cheek and just love her like she clearly wanted him to.

The sitting room walls are covered in more photos but they are of a young Renee, and engagement and wedding photos. Charlie never let go of her, never tried.

I walk back upstairs and watch Bella get younger again each step upward.

I need to find something here in her bedroom but what? Some thing that still smells like her? That is not likely. I open drawer after drawer and find the things she left behind when she moved out for the last time.

More books, books with her name in the covers, books full of drawings from when she was a teenager. Photos trapped in an album. She and Alice, laughing. She and Rosalie. Rose looks like she has spent sometime planning her pose and she faces the camera like a professional model. Bella looks so natural beside her. Take me or leave me, this is the real me. You like me or you don't.

I touch the cold print and find nothing more of her there.

More books. A small, newish book that has her hand writing in it. A diary, maybe? I should feel like I am trespassing but I don't. I feel like I am knowing things about her. Jake, Jake and Bella, Bella loves Jake. I flip through the pages.

Oh, my name. I start reading and she is writing about the day we met.

"Today the most impossibly gorgeous man walked into my life and guess what... he is gay. I have all the luck. I think his boyfriend is adorable but what a waste. Life is unfair."

I smile.

"Last night Edward walked me home and slept in my bed. My dreams were weird. Don 't even go there, Bella, he is both gay and taken."

My name pops up frequently and she reveals more than she knows she does. Like the little hearts in the margins on every page that she has written about me. I flip back, no, no hearts oh the pages about Jake.

There is a tree on one page and I gasp at her scribblings. IS loves EC. Then she has scribbled it out. No doubt she wrote those initials without conscious thought and when she realized what she had written, she tried to remove it.

Then there are lists of things she needs to do for college, books she has to buy, places she has to go and in the midst of her scribblings, there it is.

"Bella Cullen.

Isabella Cullen. Isabella Marie Cullen. Isabella Swan- Cullen. Oops, I mean Isabella Marie Black. I am so retarded sometimes!"

I try to date when she wrote this, she seems to write haphazardly, her Christmas lists and plans are written in February, her easter plans in September. No order, no rhythm.

"Just ring him, friends are allowed to do that. Jake may have robbed you of your future but Edward was always there for you."

"I will never trust another male. Jasper and Edward were never an item, never in love. EDWARD LIED".

Her words are scratched into the page, angry and violent.

"Goddammit, if only I knew he wasn't gay, I would have least jumped his bones."

Last entry.

"Yay, a virgin no more but things are complicated now. At least I gave it up to the nicest man I ever met. And he was so gentle, God, I bet not many girls get treated like a Princess during their deflowering. It was nice, it was wonderful. Goddammit, it was perfect. Was perfect. He said he loves me and the likes of him are not meant for the likes of me. He would only let me down, too, when he realised how much better he could do. I managed to turn Jake gay, in a funny and ironic way, I balanced out the universe by making Edward straight. I am sooo funny."

My heart contracts.

No, there is one more entry and it's on the inside of the back cover, and it's tragically prophetic.

"I am so fucked, I am dead."

I suppose it was the day she took the pregnancy test.

There is no way of knowing now.

My visit here is done and I toss the book back into her drawer. A single photo slips out. It is Bella and I, sitting in her bedroom, taken by Alice the day she got her new camera. The look on my face is old news, adoration, love, longing, but I am stunned to see the look on Bella's face as she looks at me because I can see the love she said she didn't feel.

I turn it over and the entire back is covered in question marks, written with a red pen.

I put it in my pocket and close her drawer and say my Goodbyes to the room that housed her since she was born.

"You had her a lot longer than I did, you saw her grow, protected her from the weather, kept her safe. That's a lot more than I did. I'm sorry."

Yes, insanity has crept in, I apologized to a room.

x~x~x~x~x~x

I need to sleep and the breaking dawn changes that not at all so I take the phone off the hook, lock the doors and climb into bed. The phone flashes with dozens of messages that I don't ever want to listen to, they are already obvious. I hit 'delete all'.

When I awaken, for a split second my first thought is getting to the hospital to spend the day with Bella, before real memory takes over and leaves me dry heaving in the toilet. When did I last eat? Drink?

I make coffee and pretend I am awake and functioning.I shower because I am pretty sure I stink a bit. I know I have to go and see our daughter. It's going to be a hard and terrible day but holding the child that grew inside Bella will be good.

I can do this.

I look at the clock and it says two o'clock so it's afternoon.

I am not sure what the day or date is, was it only yesterday my world was robbed of meaning?

The hospital looms like a specter and I park far from where I used to because I don't really belong here any more. The nursery is deserted, the babies must be with their...Moms. The lucky ones.

I ring the bell and wait for a nurse. She smiles and asks how she can help me.

For the first time I say her name out loud.

"Aurora Cullen. My daughter. Where is she?"

She looks on the computer.

"With her mother."

"You mean, her grandmother?"

"It says she is in High Care room 103, with her mother Isabella Swan."

I walk to room 103, knowing I cannot allow hope to grow, it's an error on the computer.

Bella is sitting propped up in bed, complaining about the blood that is being transfused into her, but she stops talking and holds her hand out to me.

"Edward. Where have you been?"

Insane, I remind myself and walk towards her. She feels real.

"Edward, why did you run away? Bella needed you, do you never answer your phone? I left you a hundred messages."

"Hello, Rose. Nice to see you too."I can speak, that is surprising.

Bella is pale but alive and I left her, after all my promises. I like this alternative universe I have somehow slipped into, one where Bella didn't die. I cannot stop smiling and touching her.

"I went to Forks. Your old house. I looked at your photos". I have put the same jeans on again so I pull the photo out and show her.

"That is a strange photo, I clearly love you. How come I didn't know?"

"I didn't know either" I confess.

"I do love you" she says and I know she believes it and means it.

Alice walks into the room, baby in her arms.

"All clean and fresh Rory, I told you he would be back."

"Rory?" I question.

"Well Aurora is a bit of a mouthful, what were you two thinking?"

"We wanted her to have an 'A' name like you" says Bella.

"Oh, it is perfect. I just think she looks like a Rory."

"Mom calls her Aura so be ready for that" warns Bella.

I really hope I am awake and not dreaming all this.

"Bite me"I whisper in Bella's ear.

"Why?"

"I just spent a whole day thinking you were dead.I need to know this is real and I am awake" I tell her.

She starts to cry and I grab her and my lips are on hers and I know I am here and it's real.

Alice offers the baby to me and I take her and we share our daughter, laying her on Bella's lap. Her eyes are open and she is very aware. I am not going to have to raise her alone. My life is just beginning, not ending.

Carlisle calls me to his office and I reluctantly leave my girls as they sleep, watched over by Alice and Jasper.

"Edward. Where did you go? What happened?"

"I heard them ask the time. I thought you were going to call it."

"I just needed to know how long since we hit her heart with adrenalin. We never came close to calling it. She lost her heartbeat for a little minute but we had it in hand. She was fine. She was awake an hour later, asking for you. And chocolate."

He grinned.

"I gave her the chocolate but nobody could find you."

"I thought she was gone so I went looking for her."

"She was here, waiting, all along."

I grinned back at him. Talk about avoidance. I was as bad as Bella. Running before I even knew if there was anything to run from.

"How long will she be in here?"

"I am guessing she should stay two weeks, so I will say a week. You know she writes her own rules and never listens to the experts."

"Thank God for that."

"Yes, she was right this time. I hope the next pregnancy is a hell of a lot easier than this one."

"No way, I will never have sex with her again if that's the only way to avoid it."

"Sure. You can resist Bella." he smirks.

"Okay, maybe I can't, but I could never go through that again."

"Wait and see. Time will dim the memories, the horror. We would know what to expect, next time."

I shake my head. One child is enough.

Carlisle congratulates me and suddenly, I feel like there is something to celebrate so I rush back to my girls and gaze at my sleeping Bella with my sleeping Rory in my arms.

"Rory. We give you a beautiful feminine name and you end up with the same name as a cowboy."

She squirms and opens her eyes and they are as green as mine, already. They seem older than mine are, those eyes. Like they know.

"You will enjoy being an only child. You get to be the best looking as well as the smartest and most loved. The favorite. You never have to share or have anyone daring you to do dumb stuff."

"Rose is pregnant" says Bella. Not as deeply asleep as I thought.

"Oh no. She better have a girl."

"Alice says its a boy."

"Shit."

"Yes, Rory will have some oversized, bossy cousin making the dares."

"Is Emmett okay?"

"He painted the spare bedroom blue last night...did I tell you, he bought a house yesterday? Once the pregnancy test proved he was going to be a Dad, he bought a house and he asked the owners if it was okay if he started painting. They already moved out so they let him. He has all the furniture and is making up the crib today. He is very keen, after all."

"Where is it?" I asked and she laughed.

"Next door to us. The grey brick place with the green fence."

Next door. Hell.

"Isn't there a gate to their yard in our yard?"

"Yeah, you were going to get it fenced over, remember? You needn't bother, now. "

"Excuse me? I will be getting a triple thickness brick fence erected."

"Rory's smart. She won't go along with Emmett Junior's stupid idea's. Anyway, he can play with Alice and Jasper's son and Rory can play with their daughter."

"What!"

"Alice is having twins."

"Shit."

"See, you run away for one day and the whole world changes."

"It sure did."

"I'm glad you came back."

"I had to. I have a daughter."

"Are we really getting married?"

"Why not?"

"Well, aren't you still worried about the imbalance?"

"Yeah, I fear you love me more than I love you. You were willing to give up your life to give me my child. I never had to choose to die for you."

"I don't want either of us to die. I want to sit on one of those swinging porch swings with you and run my fingers through your gray hair and hear you play your guitar and piano to our grandkids."

"I can't go through another pregnancy, Bella."

"Shouldn't it be me saying that?"

"You had the easy part, believe me. I just died more inside each day."

"You saved me."

"Chocolate saved you, you addict."

"Nom nom nom."

"I love you so much."

"Ah, but I love you more. I win."

"Do you love me as much as you love chocolate?"

"You will never know."

"I think I already do."

The nurse entered and smiled at Bella.

"Ready to have another try at breastfeeding?"

"Sure, my breasts are all yours."

"Hey, I own those." I reminded her.

"They are out on loan, you get them back when Rory is weaned."

"When will that be?" I asked.

"When she is seven"

"What?" I freaked.

"Hah, got ya,when she is one, I guess."

"Should I go, give you some privacy?"

"Really, Edward? You have seen me naked remember, these are just boobs."

"Bella! These are glorious orbs of delight."

"Always making everything complicated, hey Cullen."

"Yes, Mrs Cullen. Let's get married here today."

"Why?"

"Because you once said you wanted the same name on her wrist tag as on your wrist tag. You didn't want her to be a Cullen if you were a Swan."

"We could just name her Swan-Cullen."

"We could just tie the knot."

"Okay. Whatever."

"I lived to hear that word from you when I asked you to marry me. What man doesn't want to hear his woman reply with a heartfelt 'whatever'."

"Just go make the arrangements' Dont't you have to give three days notice or something?"

"Already done."

"Confident, were you?"

"Yes, Bella. Confident of your love."

"Good boy. It was always there, I jusy didn't label it correctly.I mixed it up with what I felt for Jake."

"What did you feel for Jake?"

"True friendship. It was you I felt true love for, and that's different. While I was assuming I felt love for Jake, I had no hope of realizing how I got the labels switched around."

"Isabella Marie Cullen. Or Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen?"

"Hey, I wrote that down once."

"I know."

"You read my notebook?"

"I did. I saw the hearts."

"Decorations."

"Whatever."

She grinned.

"I read your book of quotes."

"You did?"

"Mmm. Some of them rang true to how I felt about you, they made me question my time in denial."

"Good."

"Thanks for waiting for me to wake up to myself."

"Thanks for waking up."

"Can I wear my pajamas for the wedding?"

"Nope. I am sending Alice a text."

"I thought you loved me."

"Oh I do."

"But you won't marry me in pj's?"

"I would marry you naked in our yard full of flowers if I could."

"Maybe we should wait cos that sounds like my kind of wedding."

"No more waiting" I growled.

"Down boy. And no honeymoon for eight weeks."

"Have a nice rest because it's the last one you will ever get."

"I am counting on that."

"There, she seems to be attached properly" said the nurse, whose existence I had entirely forgotten about.

"Listen to this, Edward."

I walked closer and sat on the chair beside the bed.

"Nom nom nom" said our daughter.

The End.

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

Thanks for reading.

The whole nom nom nom is a family joke of ours. Our daughter used to make that noise when she was being breastfed. Then she did it when she was a child and ate chocolate. We had almost forgotten, then we were sitting in the cinema on Saturday watching Eclipse and Major Jasper Whitlock appeared on screen and the whole audience was silent, and Kristy, now 15, goes "nom nom nom."

After all this angst, I am now writing a new story called The Rage..no angst at all (Did you hear that, Edward!)., just angry Edward and Bitchy Bella, I hope you will give it a try. Cheers, I started writing at fanfic thinking nobody would ever read my stories so I value every reader, sincerely. Thank You for indulging me.


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